last updated 5.14.25

May 7, 2025, Montague, Massachusetts That was too funny! I'm still laughing a little, a couple hours later. I shouldn't make light of the incident. It probably wasn't fun for the rude old man who I had to put in his place. Surprisingly, the reason I did it had nothing to do with me, but I wasn't going to stand by and watch him verbally abuse the guy who I was working with any longer. It had been going on for three days. Unfortunately, the poor bastard is probably going to have to put up with it all summer long unless he finally reaches a breaking point and quits, too. I didn't reach a breaking point. I was calm and unemotional. The old man's behavior is simply unacceptable and I had to put a stop to it -for the moment, at least. The poor guy, who I'm guessing is in his 40's, arrived on Monday morning riding a bike to work in the rain wearing jeans and a t-shirt, no jacket and it wasn't exactly warm out. On top of this, he was a little late. Not a great way to start the first day of a job. I got there early so the "farmer" and I were chit-chatting for a few minutes to see if the guy was going to show before heading out to the field. After he arrived and we were in the rows of asparagus a few minutes later, the "farmer" didn't say two words to me once he explained what he wanted done. He just let me work, but he was on the other guy's case immediately yelling at him and riding his ass. I didn't pay too much attention that time. It was my first day starting a new job, as well, so I was busy and up ahead of them, but I could hear his yelling and it wasn't fun to listen to. Later, in one of the greenhouses, I was paying attention, this time, and watched the "farmer" continue his heckling and criticizing of the guy who wasn't really doing anything wrong. It's hard for anyone to work proficiently when someone is standing over you a few inches away criticizing every single move you make. When the "farmer" had me run over to the barn and grab a vegetable knife and a bag of rubber bands to process the asparagus that we just brought in, I found the knife quickly, but there were no rubber bands anywhere to be found and I looked all over the place. I've had a lot of jobs and I always seemed to have luck on my side when confronted with challenges or obstacles. Usually my resourcefulness makes the difference so even if an employer asks me to do something that turns out to be impossible I somehow find a different way to achieve the same result. I guess you'd call that "an ability to think on one's feet", but as menial of a task as this was I reluctantly had to return to the greenhouse with only the knife, no rubber bands. The "farmer" immediately got upset and began to go off on me, but I quickly put a stop to this. I told him that he doesn't get to talk to me that way and to go show me where the rubber bands were. He couldn't find them either, but he blamed it on an imaginary rubber band thief. I offered him a smile more than once throughout our exchanges to show him that I wasn't the enemy giving him the benefit of the doubt seeing as we didn't know each other well. Maybe he was just having an off day. When it was only the two of us, I even told him that I was surprised that a 75 year old man hasn't learned more patience with people by now. He told me in a confidential manner that "they" have drained it out of him. Not sure if he was referring to all people in general or the mysterious rubber band thieves. From this point on, his manners improved in regards to me, but not towards the other guy. Sometimes when the guy and I were working together, I'd give him quiet little pointers to avoid the old man's wrath, but when he was by himself he was much more of a target. He hadn't brought anything to eat that first day and the "farmer" doesn't let people leave the farm for lunch, not that the guy could go far on a bike, so I told him to help himself to what I had in my big cooler in the back of my truck which he really appreciated. There were a few more incidents after lunch. At quitting time when the old man and I were having an end-of-the-day check in, I couldn't talk long because I told the guy I'd give him a ride to the bus station and we threw his bike in the back of my truck. I'm a worker. I'm not bragging, but I can work circles around most people and this guy wasn't that bad. Yes, he's clearly not on top of the world at the moment if he's a grown man and has to ride his bike to work, but, at least, he's trying. He was clean, presentable, listened when spoken to and was polite. Tuesday, he showed up on time. No bike. Got dropped off by someone that morning and he had a sweatshirt and some new rubber boots with him. That's a step in the right direction, no pun intended. With all the rain we've gotten recently, the fields are very wet and muddy. I always keep a pair in the back of my truck. We worked together mostly and it went pretty well. He even brought some food for lunch. At the end of the day, I dropped him off at the bus stop. Today, we worked separately in the morning so I'm nut sure how he fared, but after lunch all three of us were moving a gas-powered water pump mounted to a wooden pallet from one section of the field to a different one to expedite draining the big puddles that had formed among the row crops with all the rain we've gotten. I picked up the pump with the forks of the tractor and brought it to the new location while the old man drove over with the guy in a side-by-side. When I got there, he was barking unclear orders on how to lay out the water hose at the guy. I walked over with the gas can to fuel up the pump which I had to run back and get because mr.know-it-all forgot to throw it in the back of the atv. After a few minutes of listening to more belligerence, I heard the guy who was very soft-spoken make a quiet suggestion regarding how the pump was situated on the pallet which ignited an even louder tongue lashing from the old man who threatened that anyone who spoke like that would get fired from any farm. Enough was enough. I interrupted the old fart, told the guy that he was easy to work with and that the "farmer" was the problem who I then turned towards and informed that today was my last day, that I wasn't going to spend my summer bickering with him. Things got very quiet after that. When we, all, got back to the barn, he cut me a check which he had to write twice because he screwed up the first one. Maybe he was a little flustered. With a polite smile, I told him that I hope he has a great season and off I went. I think the girls working in the packing room got wind of what had transpired because there was an awkward silence in the air as Farmer Frown fumbled with my walking papers. I wished the guy luck who was now being bossed around by the "farmer's" wife whose manners weren't any better. They were even worse towards one another. Yikes. Seems a shame, but life's too short to spend time around people like that if you don't have to. They're the epitome of justified unhappiness. If I had to guess, I bet the whole operation is a tax write-off. They're definitely not farmers. I doubt either of them have ever even worked on a farm before inheriting theirs. Clichés, stereotypes, even sentimental old archetypes exist because they have a particular use, but they only go so far. In real life, if a person pays attention to details, they can tell the difference between where a stereotype ends and reality begins. I, myself, have been guilty of romanticizing the idea of the ol'time farmer who is slow and steady while the world speeds past him on a crash course to nowhere as he calmly goes about life with the patience and wisdom he's accumulated over the years. For a long time, I wanted to find this type of old farmer so I could learn from him. I still do. In fact, I have met a few versions of him over the years. My buddy, John Deere's grandfather who ran the farm by the ocean in Maine before I started working there was a perfect example. Even though he was retired, he still lived on the farm and we bugged him for advice all the time, in a friendly way. The person I took a job for this week is not the real thing. He's playing the role of a farmer telling everyone he was born there and how it was his father's farm. When in truth, after two days of listening to things he told me, it wasn't hard to put together that, yes, his parent's who had money bought the land in the 1930's, but they didn't run it nor did he grow up there. They lived down the road and shipped him off to boarding school when he was a boy. He was some type of salesman or booking agent as an adult and lived in different parts of the country, California, Hawaii, etc. His father's brother was the person who ran the farm and it wasn't until his parents and then his uncle past away that he inherited it and came back here. This man and his wife didn't start farming until 2009. I've been farming longer than that. Hey, more power to them if they're making a go of it, but if they'd ever done any actual work to make their living, they'd have better manners, now, and know how to treat people. Oh well, it's not every day you get to stand up to a bully and know you're totally in the right, hence having a huge grin on my face as I pulled out of there. I felt bad about leaving the guy there to fend for himself. I would've finished the day and given him a ride to the bus station, but Grumpelstiltskins wasn't having it. Maybe the fact that someone stood up to him will improve his behavior, but I doubt it. On my way home, I called back a customer who had contacted me this weekend, stopped by her house which turned out to be down the road from my field and lined up a job for tomorrow. May 8, 2025, Montague, Massachusetts Banged out the job here in Montague, today. She paid me more than I charge. Got a better workout in 2.5hrs than I got in 2.5 days at the place I just left. Made it home before the rain started. Gave myself a haircut and took a cowboy tub. I guess I should go around and put my fliers back up soon. Maybe I jumped the gun. With the weather getting warmer, things could start getting busier. Can't hurt to see. I can check out some other farms in the meantime, too. May 10, 2025, Montague, Massachusetts I bought an old heavy duty truck rack on Friday from a nice guy on marketplace, had to cut it into sections in order to get it home which was no big deal because I knew it wouldn't fit my truck, re-welded it this weekend to make it fit and, now, all I need to do is paint it. Cost me 50 bucks in materials versus around 700 to buy one new. Pretty psyched. Out of the blue, the woke farm who I reached out to almost a month ago emailed me last night asking if I could do a phone or zoom interview on Monday. May 13, 2025, Montague, Massachusetts Took off this morning to do a few errands before my zoom interview at 11:30. They didn't seem nearly as concerned about political correctness as I assumed they would be from their website. They seemed nice and down to earth actually. There were four of us all together for the meeting, the farm manager (it's another non-profit, ugh), the livestock manager (her partner, a guy) and the public relations director. It lasted over an hour and they ended it with asking me when I could start so I guess that's a good sign, but there's no guarantees in life so I'm not assuming anything. I've decided that I hate online interviews. This technology makes a potentially uncomfortable situation even more so. The silly thing is that I was sitting in my truck down the road from the farm while we were having our video conversation. The world is becoming so absurd. One of the errands I had to do, this morning, was to deposit a check at the credit union (I prefer them over banks) because the app on my phone to deposit checks remotely no longer works for some reason and to download the newest version I'd have to buy a new phone. Apparently, mine is too old. Another example of how absurd our world is. Anyways, the closest credit union is in the same town as the farm. I'm not sure why they didn't just have me come there in person so we could meet. Who knows? When they told me the other day that they'd like to schedule an interview, I had already decided that I was going to ask them, if they offered me the job on the spot, whether I could think about it over night and get back to them, but as it turned out they told me that they'd let me know tomorrow so I didn't have to ask which, at first, I was relieved about. Now, it's making me anxious having to wait. On the flip-side, I still sort of like the idea of working for myself because I could make my own schedule and live at a much more laid-back pace while I keep working on the tiny house. I wouldn't bring in as much money compared to punching a clock 5 days a week, but I'd have a lot more free time to enjoy the summer. Once the trailer is ready to roll then I can focus on chasing down as much work as possible and even use the tiny house to find some like I planned. The point is if they decide not to hire me, it's not the end of the world. I might even be relieved so what am I complaining about? I guess it's the vulnerability of giving someone else this much power over my life and immediate plans that I don't like. Picked up some black paint on the way home and almost finished painting the new lumber rack for my truck before it got too dark. It looks awesome. Won't take long to do the rest tomorrow. Hopefully, it doesn't rain. May 14, 2025, Montague, Massachusetts Last Wednesday, I left one farm and this Wednesday I found a job on a new one. I received an email from the farm manager early this morning letting me know that they'd like to hire me. She actually sent it late last night. This was one reason why I was intent on getting the lumber rack for my truck finished in the meantime because I couldn't use the truck until it was done since I had half of a big steel frame mounted over the bed that was not yet attached. All done, now. Came out great. Been an interesting week. Officially, I don't have the job yet. The last part is for me to visit the farm on Saturday and meet everyone else involved with the operation which I've been invited to do. It's not like any farm I've ever worked on. Out of respect for the situation, I wasn't going to mention this part unless I ended up working there. The reason it's a nonprofit is because the farm is on is tribal land of the Nipmuc Nation. The history and plight of Native Americans in this country has always been a subject that I have a great deal of respect for. Though I joked about the insisted use of pronouns on the farm's website, the fact that it is a Native American farm is nothing to joke about and I'll be honored if I can help in any way to help them bring their mission into fruition. I know all too well, like most people, that what we read on the internet about something and what it actually is are often not the same thing so I don't want to get ahead of myself, but needless to say, I'm glad I quit the jerks I was working for last week and I'm very hopeful about who I may be working for, now. I was very upfront and candid with them regarding the fact that I'm white and everyone else working there are of color, some of them are even Nipmuc, so I told them that I totally understand if they didn't want to hire me. Luckily, I have a lot of experience, maybe even more than the young couple running the farm which they acknowledged, so this was in my favor. What they haven't learned yet is who I am as a person and how much heart I have regarding Native culture. The bottom line with everything in these modern times is that ideas, regardless if they are good or bad, mean nothing if what they claim to represent doesn't actually work. In this case, it's a very good idea, returning the land to its rightful owners and growing food for the native people who live on it, but theirs is a very new farm, only a few years old, and they're still formalizing the transfer of ownership from the previous organization to the Nipmuc Nation. I hope I can help them move forward regarding the farming aspects. I think it even comes with full benefits. Who would've thought I'd find an opportunity like this back here on the crowded east coast? They'll be planting this year's white flint corn by hand on Saturday which is something they do every year as a community along with a potluck lunch. I'm looking forward to visiting. Previous posts 2016 2017 2018 2019 2020 2021 2022 2023 2024 January 2, 2025, Unadilla, New York Not wanting to jinx myself, I'm reluctant to confess how happy I am, right now. Only took a year to get back here...mentally, that is. Physically, I have no idea where I am. Well, I can find it on a map, but other than that, I don't know much more about this area. I'm just passing through on my way to someplace a little warmer, at least, for a day or two so I can regroup and decide where to head to next. I have a lot to catch up on, but I'm going to have to wait until I'm out of this weather so I can take my time and do it properly. The short version is that the end of 2024 was dangerously bad, but I got lucky and realized that staying where I was had a lot to do with this. A lot of self-help circles claim that "the geographical cure" is not a cure at all, but rather a perpetuation of the same problem with a different backdrop and honestly I can't argue with this, but there's an exception to every rule so maybe for someone who's been traveling for decades and been to every state in the country except Hawaii leaving where I felt trapped could be part of a solution. If how I feel is any indication, it might be true, but once the honeymoon of being at the beginning of another adventure wears off then we shall see. January 4, 2025, Winchester, Kentucky Hit two snow storms, yesterday, gave the truck a bath at a self-serve car wash in Portsmouth, OH, this afternoon, skirted along the western slopes of the Appalachians in a diagonally southern direction, this evening, and I'm relieved to be in Kentucky, tonight. Regroup time, tomorrow. January 5, 2025, Crossville, Tennessee Woke up to another snow storm, so I had to head further south to get out of the kind of winter weather I'm trying to escape. The snow finally turned to rain, late this afternoon, near Williamsburg, KY. The trip's been enjoyable so far. I've avoided the interstate as much as possible staying on secondary highways and country roads then at night I'll look on my atlas for a rest area on a nearby expressway, hop on the interstate, park there for the night then hop back off at the next exit in the morning. Last night, I had to resort to plan B and park at a Holiday Inn Express because some creep decided to park next to me at the empty rest area I had picked out for the night. We were the only two vehicles there and initially they had parked down the other end, but then decided to back all the way up and stop right in front of my truck. I was eating some cheese and crackers so one of my overhead interior lights was on so they could see me, but a lot of cars have dark tinted windows down here so I couldn't see them. I had no way of knowing if they were staring at me, but why else would they have backed all the way over to where I was parked, the only other vehicle in the lot. Just in case, I gave them the finger and said, "Get the f*ck away from me." This didn't deter them and they parked right across from me. When I was getting on the freeway, I noticed a sizable town one exit down from the rest area that had box stores and hotels near the interstate so I headed there instead. A couple of morons parked next to me at the hotel, too, but only because they were trying to blend in with the other vehicles in the parking lot. They didn't know anyone was in the truck that they had pulled up beside with their music blaring, car reeking of pot and engine running all night because I was already in bed. When I finally had enough and was about to move, they left. Stuff like this is a little annoying, but to be expected while on the road. I'm at a nice well-lit rest area, now, with bathrooms, vending machines, a parking area for cars and a big parking lot across the picnic area for 18 wheelers so it should be uneventful tonight. I feel so good that I don't want to pinch myself. Tomorrow's a big day -well, for someone who has no family, friends or a social life, that is. I found a lake on the map this evening not far from here so I'm going to check it out in the morning and hopefully park along its shores for the day and get a bunch of stuff done. I can't wait! I know looking forward to something so mundane is pathetic, but I don't care. January 6, 2025, Dickson, Tennessee Ironically, I've been listening to a familiar book, Daniel Boone by Reuben Gold Thwaites published in 1902, while driving through the areas of the country where Daniel Boone grew up, hunted and started a settlement. When I was a boy, he was a big hero of mine. This is probably true for a lot of kids who loved running around in the woods. Yesterday as the snow was coming down heavily, I turned off a secondary highway onto an even smaller road to avoid a bottleneck of hesitant drivers making their way up a steep hill and realized that I was driving along the Kentucky River through a part of the state that in the 1700's was known as Boonesburough. This was literally a town that he had started. The snow was much deeper on this road, but it was more peaceful. I was in no hurry and it gave me an excuse to use the four-wheel-drive. I stopped in a small state park, Fort Boonesborough State Park, to have something to eat and enjoy the winter wonderland. How could his life be relevant, today? It most definitely is. He lived during a time that resulted in how we are living, right now. When the United States was first becoming a nation, immigrants came here for many reasons. As much as people, including myself, would like to think of the U.S. as the land of opportunity, it was other things as well. Yes, poor people came here for a chance to rely on their ability to work hard in order to create a better life for themselves and people who had a little money saved, also, came here for the same reason, but rich people came here to get even richer by taking advantage of the work that these other people did. Of course, there is another giant issue that I haven't addressed yet which I will in a moment. As I drove through this part of the country seeing a lot of poor towns, I had to ask myself, "How do people make a living here?" I've lived in plenty of rural towns in my life which I suppose could be considered poor, as well, and the same question applies, but the real question is if we look at this land of opportunity as the land of the opportunist "What idea have we, the people, been sold?" The settlers that created the towns that I was driving through were preceded by the hunters and traders that lived off the land, land that was already inhabited by another people, Native Americans, before these foreigners arrived. The hunters and woodsman lived very much like the "Indians" and when there were only a few of them the Natives tolerated these intruders to some degree, but as more and more arrived with the settlers following behind there was simply not enough land and not enough game to go around. This was 300 years ago. How in the world could I, or anyone, expect to make a good life for myself here, now? What idea have I been sold? If people came here because they believed that land was free to anyone willing to work hard enough to live off it, what do people believe, now? What is real and what are just ideas? It's 6:30pm and I'm in Murfreesboro, TN. According to my atlas, there's a rest area on the other side of Nashville where I'll head tonight. Wherever I look cars are going in every direction, some stuck in traffic going very slowly, others speeding off in the opposite direction, many more zipping around in the parking lots of the shopping plazas I'm surrounded by. What are all these people living off of? There are so many cars and I'm not even in a city. This is just a medium-sized town. Cars everywhere I look. I still haven't gotten a chance to regroup. The lake turned out to be surrounded by a lot of privately owned land and though I did find a quiet place to park for a little while at a marina that was closed for the season, there were "Parking for Members Only" signs all around me, not to mention it was bone-chilling cold and windy so I kept moving. January 9, 2025, Paragould, Arkansas I don't know how much snow New England has gotten, but I've seemed to have hit every snow storm from Arkansas to Massachusetts in the past week. I don't mind it actually. It's sort of fun. The honeymoon is definitely over, but this is to be expected. It's not human to go 9 days without any social interaction. Well, I did spend about an hour sitting in the front seat of a police cruiser, yesterday. Technically, that was social. I didn't notice at first, but he had a police dog in the back seat which I really wanted to play with. Obviously, that wouldn't have been a good idea. I was just excited to see a dog. It was very quiet and well-behaved. On second thought, if he keeps the k-9 in the back seat, where does he put the criminals? Does he just throw them in the back with the big German shepherd and let them fend for themselves? Probably not. I guess he calls another officer. I wasn't a criminal. I had asked the policeman for help. It only took 5 hours of freezing my butt off to finally consider this. It was the first dry sunny day I'd encountered since I left so I pulled over in a tractor trailer parking area along the freeway near Lexington, TN, to organize my things in the back of my truck a little better. I had been looking forward to this since I left, but the weather hadn't really cooperated. It was still fairly cold (in the 20's) so luckily I was dressed warm. I was in the bed of the truck sitting on one of my tool bins organizing my ratchet straps in a different bin when I hopped down to grab something from inside the cab and the doors were locked. I hadn't locked them. During the past few minutes I had been constantly jumping back and forth grabbing one thing or another from inside the truck and putting it in its proper place in the back. I don't know what type of dumb anti-theft feature kicked in, but the truck decided to lock the doors on me. The key was in the ignition, but not all the way in. I always pull it out a little so I don't have to listen to the beeping when you open the door. No big deal. I just reached under the back bumper to grab my spare key, but it wasn't there. I lied on the ground and looked everywhere thinking maybe I hit a bump and the magnet slid down to a different location. It was no where to be found. Before I left on this trip, I even checked to make sure that it was still under the bumper. Standing there in disbelief, I was locked out of my truck on the side of the freeway miles from a town in either direction. My phone was in the truck, too. I wasn't thrilled, but I like a challenge and was determined to get the doors unlocked. I had plenty of tools to work with. The coat hanger trick didn't work because the actual door locks are smooth so there's no edge to hook onto. The upper door frames are surprisingly flexible so it's not too difficult to get something bigger than a coat-hanger wedged between the door and the roof of the truck. I unscrewed the antenna (it's a lot stiffer than a coat-hanger), but the ball on the end was too smooth to pressed down on the unlock button. It kept slipping off so I broke out my 4 foot framing square, put a slight bend in it and fed that in between the door and the truck. I must have pressed the button a dozen times, first on the passenger side door and then on the driver's side, but it wouldn't work. If I pressed the button that locks the doors, it worked, but the unlock button wouldn't. Another dumb anti-theft feature. By now, any embarrassment I had about locking myself out of my own truck was gone. 18 wheelers were coming and going all day, parking all around me. Not one person asked if I needed any help as I stood on a lawn chair with tools on the roof of the truck and me pressed against the window trying to get the button to work. They've got us trained pretty well to ignore each other. This is not a good sign for a society. I'm sure it doesn't help that you can't pull up to a traffic light or stop at a gas station these days in any sizable town without someone holding a card board sign hitting you up for money. After a few hours even as warmly dressed as I was, my body temperature gradually lowered and I began to shiver. Next, I cut a couple notches out of a metal ruler with my tin snips and made a "slim jim", a thin piece of metal to slide in between the glass of the window and the weatherstripping. I didn't know exactly what I was trying to hook onto inside the door, but the metal ruler was pretty much identical to one of those tools so I was hoping I'd get lucky. Nope. Loneliness was beginning to wear me down. I was having a hard time with the idea of asking one of the truck drivers for help. What could they do that I hadn't already tried? I don't have AAA anymore. I stop paying for it after I called them three times one night a couple years ago with a dead battery and each time they said that they were sending someone, but no one ever showed so I ended up having to hitch-hike. I thought about asking someone to call the police for me. Maybe a police officer knew how a slim jim worked. I noticed a car parked way down the far end of the parking area. The windows were tinted, but it looked like a fairly nice car. For some reason asking someone in a car seemed more approachable. I don't know why. I'm a truck driver for cripes sake. I was trapped. Dumb thoughts ran threw my head like "Is this what your life has amounted to? Being stranded and alone at a truck turn out on the freeway?" If I had my phone, there was no one to call. I probably would have just used it to google how to unlock a truck door on a GMC Sierra without the keys, still refusing to ask for help. I know I have issues, but it's not exactly easy to ponder life lessons when you're stranded on the side of the road, freezing your butt off with the sun going down soon. Then I saw the blue lights of a police car down the freeway and started walking. He had pulled someone over so I stopped before I got too close and waited for them to finish. When the vehicle pulled away, I quickly walked towards the police cruiser which hadn't moved yet praying he wasn't going to take off pretending not to see me. I was walking towards him from the front so that would have been difficult. When he saw me, he opened his door and asked if I was ok. "I'm kinda stuck. I'm parked down there at the turnout and the auto-locks on my truck have locked me out." He told me to walk back and he'd meet me there. He was a nice guy and when he found out how long I'd been there even apologized for not driving through the truck parking area earlier because he'd been up and down the freeway a few times over the course of the day. We tried all the same things I'd already done, but I knew this was necessary in order for him to be convinced as I was that getting in the truck was somewhat hopeless. He had a long flat piece of metal, but we both agreed that the framing square was more rigid and better for pushing down hard enough on the button and by then I was pretty good at getting it in between the window and the truck. On his suggestion, I even managed to wedge it behind the door handle enough to pry the handle open, but this won't open the door if it's locked (which I already knew). Eventually, he was convinced, too, and called a locksmith. A kid came and stuck a little device in the key hole like you see in the movies and opened it in less than a minute. Cost me 70 bucks, but it was better than breaking a window which I had seriously considered many times throughout the ordeal. I'll have to order some spare keys and figure out how to get them shipped to me somehow. They're 10 bucks online and 100 at a dealership. I don't like having only one key. I'll stick the next hide-a-key in a location where it can't bounce off. I, also, researched how to get into my truck without the key in case this ever happened again, but none of them solved the issue of the unlock button not responding. It works fine, now, but I did read about how one guy who was on a hunting trip in the middle of the wilderness with some buddies when the auto-locks locked them out used the antenna like I tried, but then cut off the little round ball at the end, bent the end a little and then jammed it between the door lock and the door cover. Wedging it in there creates enough pressure against the antenna that when you pull up to remove it, the lock comes with it. I think the hook helped, too. Then I looked at how much one of those gadgets the kid used cost. It's a little unnerving to know that it's that easy to unlock someone's car door with a 40 dollar tool. I suppose you still have to disengage the alarm which isn't as easy without the key. I've tried to learn more than the obvious from the experience, but I haven't yet. I was actually heading east, not west, when it happened. It's been bothering me that I haven't reached out to mr.Model seeing as I'm passing through this part of the country, but I've been apprehensive. Nevertheless, I decided that I'd offer to do a couple projects for him (for free) before heading to MO, but even this made me anxious. That's why I pulled over at the truck parking area to clear my head and get super organized before I got there. I would think waiting until I got to a friend's property would be a good place to regroup, but that's not how it felt. I guess this told me something. After I spent the entire day on the side of the road, I decided to postpone the idea. I can't be in a place of need when I interact with certain people. I have to be in a place of giving. This is why I never succeeded in contacting missButterfly before I left. I even called her, but no one answered. It was in the middle of the day and the machine picked up. It's an actual machine, not voicemail, but I didn't leave a message. Then I wrote a nice email, but didn't send it. I came very close, but I think this was the right decision for now. Until I'm consistently doing better, I need to put basic priorities like food, water, shelter and people to share my life with ahead of everything else. Sounds good in theory, but actually doing this is a different story. After a while as I'm spending money, but not making any, an eagerness to start working, again, begins to set in. I have to be careful though because this is a familiar pattern. When things deteriorate down to basic survival getting a job is all I can think about, but then after a few paychecks, the urgency subsides and I start to see everything that's wrong with our system and the world and want to take off all over, again. What am I going to do then? That's the purpose of this trip. We got hit with a bunch more snow, today, but yesterday was nice and sunny and I finished organizing the truck and even did a little work to it at another quiet (much cleaner) truck parking area outside of Hayti, MO. January 11, 2025, Lake Frierson State Park, Arkansas It's a quiet Saturday. The sun is out and I'm parked by a lake in a state park outside of Jonesboro, AR. It seems I'm the only one here, other than the old guy on the tractor who was "plowing" the parking lot by the pier and picnic area as I pulled in. I gave him a wave, but no wave back. Oh well. There's still plenty of snow on the ground, but it's a warm 34 degrees. I went for a little hike through the woods when I got here following a few sets of paw prints in the snow on a trail. They weren't any human footprints accompanying them so I wondered if they were coyotes or stray dogs. I just gave myself a haircut and a quick wash in the truck. Keeping my hair buzzed short while on the road makes it easier to stay clean-cut and presentable. I have a meeting at a farm community who are looking for new members on Tuesday in southern Missouri, a few hours from here, which I'm looking forward to. Unfortunately, even if the meeting goes well, I wouldn't be able to join until March so there's nothing to get too excited about. You have to start as a visitor for three weeks, first, and they don't allow visitors in the winter. I'm on my own for a couple more months regardless. One of their members responded to a post I wrote on a permaculture website this summer and since then I've heard mixed opinions of the place, but he's kept in touch and I knew I would be passing through this general area so it seemed dumb not to at least stop by and see for myself. I'd be his guest which is different from a normal visitor and this is why I'm allowed to come at this time of year. As I departed from New England, the plan I came up with is to head to New Mexico, pick a town I like, find a job then start looking for communities in that area with the caveat that if I drive through a region that I really like before I get there I can always change my plan. I can, also, see myself living further north in the colder states like Montana or Wyoming, but arriving up there in the winter would make things harder than they need to be. I've said it a hundred times, "You can always change your plan, but you can't change a plan until you make one so make it." It seems the further west I travel the less ego people carry. I'm sure more space and lower populations has a lot to do with this. I knew that once I got west of the Mississippi there would be a noticeable difference in people's everyday demeanor and this has turned out to be true. I could live here if I had to. People are just friendlier in small country towns. It's a little sad that all I need in order to return to my happy dumb self is to have permission to be somewhere. I'm legally allowed, like anyone, to park by this lake so, now, I'm getting stuff done while occasionally laughing at myself for being a dork. I can work with this state of existence. I can build on it. Yes, I'm surrounded by nature and it's a beautiful day. This definitely helps, but even if the weather was lousy, I'm pretty sure I'd still be very happy to be here. Wait a second, don't we all have permission to exist on this planet? Hmm. Later this afternoon, the man who was on the tractor drove over on a side-by-side and parked by the pier. When he began shoveling it off, I hopped out. I usually keep a shovel in the back of my truck in the wintertime, but one of my objectives for this trip was to get away from the snow so I didn't bring one (I still have a little shovel for emergencies). Luckily, I found an extra one in the back of the side-by-side so I grabbed it and began helping him. After we were done, we had a long friendly talk about the state of the country, he thanked me for the help and we said "Take care." January 13, 2025, Bull Shoals State Park, Arkansas Another beautiful sunny day by a lake. I even considered jumping in this one, but I wimped out and took a vagabond shower in the truck instead. All cleaned up for my visit, tomorrow. I'll have to drive back into Mountain Home, AR, for the night and park near a hotel. It's a decent sized town so there's a few to choose from. #mlr I'd like to stay right here. It's so quiet and peaceful. This is a big place with lots of camping spots, a marina with a large dock for house boats, beach, countless picnic areas, etc. There's even a few rv's parked up above in the campground area. I checked the website and it's 25 bucks for a tent site which isn't too bad, I guess, especially if I had someone with me, but alone I can't really justify it, right now. My money's got to last until I make it someplace and find a job. I was planning on doing a few errands in town anyways. Just appreciating the stillness and the sunshine for a little while longer. January 16, 2025, Sallisaw, Oklahoma It's weird. I woke up calm and peaceful, this morning. Escaping the situation I was trapped in and beginning this trip was something that had to happen, but after an enjoyable week of not waking up falling into the grand canyon every morning, this feeling came back in full force and had been getting worse by the day, but this morning it was gone. I can't say for sure why this happened, but I'm starting to suspect that it has something to do with being free. Free of what? When the tough mornings came back about a week ago, I started to wonder if it had anything to do with me deciding to visit my friend, who I am very different from, in Tennessee as I was approaching that part of the state where he bought property. I was relieved when I decided not to enlist myself into something that might bring me down and kept heading west. Then when I decided to visit the people in MO, which went awful, the bad mornings were back. I left there first thing yesterday and decided to call it an early evening and park in this nice welcome center in Oklahoma for the night and get some sleep because I hadn't gotten much the previous night at the community. I'm not even going to bother explaining how bad that visit was, right now. Wasting my valuable energy on negative people isn't worth it. At least, I can check it off the list. The same factors may apply to why I chose to leave the property back in Montague on Christmas. One of the reasons my relationship with my "land lady" has never been anything, but polite and cordial is because her German shepherd is a complete menace so I've had to be careful what I say. It terrorizes the road that we live on. People are afraid to walk past her house because the dog which is never on a leash will come bombing out of nowhere barking aggressively as it runs directly at them. It does this to the horses at the minimum of 3 times a day, everyday. The first time you witnessed this, you would think it was going to attack the horses. Horses are prey. They are animals of flight. They have long powerful legs that allow them to run very fast in order to keep safe, but these horses can't run away. Dogs, which are domesticated wolves, are predators. Allowing a predator to harass prey 3 or 4 times a day is appalling, in my opinion. This is why herding dogs, like border collies and Australian shepherds, are silent. Their job is to direct the livestock where to go calmly, not terrorize them. German shepherds are not shepherds. They are often police or guard dogs. They can make great family pets too, but like any dog from pitbulls to poodles they still need to be trained properly. I remember one day last summer, a guy was jogging down the road with his dog, a medium-sized one, not quite as big as missLuna's German shepherd. The guy had no idea what was about to happen. He probably doesn't live on the road. As he passed missLuna's house, her German shepherd jumped off the porch (she's never tied up) and hurdled herself at the man and his dog. The guy lifted his leg to fend off the attack and yelled while pulling his dog closer to him. MissLuna yelled, too, and called her dog back to the porch which it eventually obeyed. This type of thing happens all the time and missLuna actually couldn't believe how the guy acted as if defending himself and his dog was uncalled for saying something to herself like, "What's his problem?" I heard her say it, but I was standing far enough away from her that I knew she wasn't asking me. This was the first time I'd witnessed this common occurence up close. It all happened in a matter of seconds, but I wasn't close enough to get involved. If I was, I would've grabbed missLuna's dog by the scruff of the neck (she doesn't wear a collar) and yanked her away. I'm sure this wouldn't have gone over too well with missLuna. Her German shepherd barks at me everyday, but I love big dogs so when it eventually gets to me, I kneel down and she licks my face. Not everyone has a lot of experience with big dogs. On the otherhand, if I was just walking down the road having never been there before and she charged me, she might get a boot in the head. Before she adopted the German shepherd, it had killed its previous owner's other dog. I think they only had it one day, she broke out of her crate, broke into the other dog's crate and killed it. They got rid of the German shepherd the next day. It was going to be euthanized before missLuna adopted it. I think she likes to think of herself as some kind of whisperer, a saver of animals. The dog is a complete psychopath. It attacked another neighbor's dog last Christmas and missLuna went full Jerry Springer on the woman who was walking it because the woman let the little dog get away from her and it ran into missLuna's yard. F-bomb after f-bomb she unloaded on the lady. Apparently, they used to be friends. The other dog had to be taken to the vet. Anyways, I know if I said a word, I'm pretty sure I'd have to leave. I do not like biting my tongue so the situation has been wearing on me for the past year. I've never let my dogs bark incessantly. My last buddy who was a big, powerful animal was very quiet and extremely well-behaved. I think people who live with a little bit of fear think that if they teach their dog to be quiet, it won't bark in the middle of the night if there is an intruder. This is not the case. Dogs will always bark when they're supposed to. They just don't need to bark all day long. This is a sign of undisciplined behavior, boredom or unhappiness. Any rancher knows that cattle lose weight and are more prone to sickness when predators are around because they live in a constant state of anxiety. Those poor horses are not happy. I offered to do stuff with them many times when I first got to the property, but she never took me up on it other than to feed them and clean the stalls and paddock when she went away. She thinks that she spoils them, but they're trapped there like I was. Once I'm ready to get my tiny house out of there, unfortunately, missLuna is going to hear my opinion on the matter, but under those circumstances I'll be able to deliver the information calmly in a positive way. Until then, I have to choose my battles, like we all do, which can gradually chip away at a person's spirit if we eventually don't do something about them. I'm trying to protect my spirit with how I live. It feels great to be in Oklahoma. I've been taking this trip slow. I've driven from LA to Boston in two days. I'm two weeks in and barely halfway across the country. Staying off the freeway was a great idea, but I, also, can't drag my feet too much because I need to get settled eventually and start working. Knowing myself, I have to be careful not to keep looking to the horizon wondering if that perfect location exists. I have to find a balance between taking advantage of this fortunate opportunity and being realistic which I'm not always good at. I've already poked around online this morning looking at what types of jobs are around here and there's a couple I could apply for. I'm just afraid that if I grabbed one of them after survival is no longer a concern, I'll want to be closer to the mountains further west. It's warm and sunny, right now, so I'm soaking it in. Another thing that has been helpful to remember is that countless times I've arrived someplace where I've never been before and within a short period of time have created a life for myself there. I'm very good at this. I love meeting new people. The key ingredient when this ability excels is that I've chosen to be in these places and was excited about the possibilities. This hasn't been the case since I left Alaska where I had a job and a place to park my stealth camper within a day of arriving in Kenai. I forgot these things after being stuck where I've been for so long. We'll see what tomorrow brings. January 16, 2025, Erick, Oklahoma There aren't many rest areas in the whole state so I just kept driving. Had to make a loop and park on the eastbound side of the interstate to find one. Another calm and peaceful morning. January 17, 2025, Roswell, New Mexico Got some groceries in Clovis which is the location of some of the oldest human made tools ever found in the U.S. like arrow heads dating back 13,000 years ago so I was looking forward to getting there and maybe learning some history, but it was dark when I arrived and a busy, bumping, little city on a Friday night so I decided to keep rolling. Hotel parking lot. January 18, 2025, San Antonio, New Mexico Checked out Capitan, Alamogordo, then over to Silver City, today. Thought about winding my way north along the western border of the state, but decided to change my route. With all the traveling I've done over the years, I know what to look for regarding a sizable enough town to find work, but I'm, also, looking for enough nearby wilderness and mountains to get lost in. Rolled through the breathtaking Gila National Forest on my way back to the interstate. The tiny town of Hillsboro, NM is my favorite so far. I hope and pray that I can find a place like that where I end up, a small cluster of adobe houses along a meandering river nestled in a little valley at the foothills of the mountains. Heading north. January 19, 2025, Bosque Del Apache National Wildlife Reserve, New Mexico The man who cleans the Fort Craig Rest Area on I-24 North does a great job. I was the only vehicle in the parking lot when I got settled in, last night, and it was nice and clean. There were plenty of 18 wheelers parked on the other side across the picnic area for big trucks, but I was the only vehicle on the side for cars. By the middle of the night, the place was packed. There were even 18 wheelers on the car side because there was no room in the truck parking area which happens a lot late at night on commonly used interstates. When I woke up this morning half the vehicles were gone, but the place was an absolute mess. It looked like someone had opened up a garbage bag full of trash and dumped it everywhere. I was still in my sleeping bag and only sat up for a second to assess my surroundings. When I decided to start getting organized a few minutes later and happened to look out my truck window, the parking lot was all clean, again, with a neatly tied, full trash bag leaning against one of the square metal trash receptacles located along the sidewalk in front of the parking area. The man was still sorting one of the last trash receptacles down the far end taking out the cans and bottles (maybe he recycles them) before grabbing his mop bucket and moving on to the restrooms. He's a rock star. "The meek shall inherit the earth." I'm a little further north, right now, parked in the Bosque Del Apache National Wildlife Reserve which is a fancy way of saying "the desert". I hopped off the interstate at the next exit, this morning, and took a bumpy dirt road to this quiet little parking area overlooking the plains. I can look for miles in every direction and see nothing except a few scattered mountain ranges off in the distance. This is a good place to write and take a break for a few minutes. Four good mornings in a row and counting. I've got my work cut out for me starting from scratch in a new place, again, so I can't rest on my laurels. As I was driving through Las Cruces, yesterday, I looked to my left and could see the small frontage road that runs along the expressway and remembered walking along it with my dog, years ago. We started in San Diego, CA. Well, I started. He rode most of the way. He was nearing the end of his life at 14 years old so he couldn't cover the amount of miles that I could in a day, 30+, so we had a jogging stroller with us that he rode in most of the time. Yes, I know. #mlr It was a stroller for two children to sit side by side which was plenty comfortable for an 85lb black Labrador curled up under a blanket. He was our family dog. He and I had grown up together, but my parents were going to have him put to sleep when the vet told us that he had cancer so I took him and he lived for another 2 years with me traveling around the country. He'd hop out of the stroller occasionally to poke around. I think he had a good time, spoiled little bugger. I was raising money for a number of charities on that trip. In the last few days, I've done a southern swoop to check off the areas in that part of the state. I know what I'm looking for. Now, I'm heading to the greater Albuquerque area. It's a very big city so I won't get too close. If a person is traveling solo without a safety net, the road is the road no matter what time period it is, but certain aspects are almost too easy these days with the invention of the internet and smartphones. A couple tricks I use to guage an area is to search for Home Depots or Lowe's statewide. This tells me how populated a town is if it can support a lumber yard of this size. Then I did a search for ski resorts (not that I'm a big skier) because this will tell me if they get a lot of snow in the winter. Where there are ski mountains there are usually vast expanses of wilderness. It's been nice to get a break from the New England cold, but I'm not trying to escape the four seasons entirely. Winter weeds out a lot of slackers especially living out in the country. It takes more work to live in colder climates and I like work . I just don't see the point in doing it miserably. Pace and space are what make the difference. Growing up, one of my favorite things to do when I was old enough to take our boat out by myself was to motor out into the ocean, turn the engine off and just drift wherever the current and wind would take me. The expanse of the ocean chills me out. I remembered that same feeling, but didn't make the connection the year I walked across the southwest desert through southern California, Arizona, New Mexico and Texas as clearly as I did, today, but this part of the country contains that same kind of vastness, an ocean of open space. Awareness is like water. It spreads to fill its container. The greater the awareness the greater the container needs to be. Maybe the less people we have in our lives to help contain us, the further our awareness stretches. January 20, 2025, La Joya, New Mexico I pulled off the interstate, this morning, and found another quiet parking area to have some breakfast. It was a cold one last night, down into the teens, but the sun is out, now, and it's warming up fast. It's true what they say regarding the lack of humidity in the dry parts of the world referring to high temperatures or low ones. It's a dry cold here. When there's moisture in the air like back in New England, the cold feels like it penetrates into your bones, but it's in the low 20's, at the moment, and fairly comfortable. Sadly, I just spent quite a while standing outside. I entered the Sevilleta National Waterfowl Reserve when I got off the freeway so there are a lot of hunters here parked along the estuaries branching off from the Rio Grande, but as I kept driving I eventually came to a parking area that wasn't near any bodies of water so it was empty. Something black moving in the tall grass caught my eye. It revealed itself for half a second then it was out of sight, again. I had already parked so I walked over closer. It was a big rottweiler/labrador mix laying in the grass on its side. She would raise her head trying to get up, but couldn't get her body to move then she'd lay back down. She must have gotten hit by a car. I've seen quite a few stray dogs along the roads since entering this part of the country. It probably happened last night. Highway 60 was a few hundred yards back down the dirt road which only leads to the parking area so she must have dragged herself a long way before not being able to go any further. Her back was probably broken. She was covered with desert dust and her eyes had a blank stare about them almost like she was blind. She was in rough shape. I ran and grabbed a bowl and a jug of spring water out of the truck to see if she would drink, but she had a clump of desert grass in her mouth that she was biting down on. Assuring her with a calm voice, I poured a little water along her jaw to, at least, get some moisture in there. Contemplating what to do, I gently placed my hand on her side telling her that she was a good girl. I had my winter gloves on just in case she snapped at me. She was a formidable looking dog with the big block head of a rottie, but she didn't growl when I approached so I sat there trying to comfort her as I assessed whether or not she was going to make it much longer. I could fold down the back seat of the truck and lay her in there, but lifting her up in her condition was going to be extremely painful for her. The only way to move her was with a blanket or a stretcher and would take two people. After four phone calls to different animal control offices and police departments, no one was willing to drive out to where I was. I figured this kind of thing happens more often than people probably think, but I just couldn't leave her there suffering. I finally got through to the sheriff's department and two officers came out in pick-up trucks. I waited for them by the highway and led them back down the dirt road. I thanked them for coming out. They backed one of the trucks down into the grass then there was a gun shot and they lifted her into the bed. One of the officers walked over to me with sadness in his eyes, extended his hand and thanked me for calling. Still processing the moment, I shook his hand and told him that I was sorry he had to do that. He said they were taking her back to town. The harsh reality is that we all knew she wasn't going to make it. I grabbed the jug of water and bowl and walked back to my truck. I wish I could have done more for her. If I had a place to stay, I could have taken her home and tried to ease her pain, but I'm on my own and this isn't a fairy-tale. I sat in my truck with tears running down my face like a bitch. January 21, 2025, Pojoaque, New Mexico I don't know what's going on so I should probably write about it. I'll just make a list (in no particular order) of the last 24hrs and then try to make sense of it all. -Got here (Santa Fe) early yesterday evening. -I was parked in a light snow storm in Moriarty, NM having lunch, yesterday, realizing that it was going to get down into the single digits (or lower) that night. -Regarding the process of checking out different parts of the state, I can be a little ocd when I get into "being thorough mode" which tends to take the enjoyment out of a task, if there's any enjoyment in it to begin with, so out of the blue, yesterday afternoon, I said "Screw being so thorough" and took off on a hunch instead. -Posted on a permaculture website looking for communities in the area, this morning. -Sent an email to an animal sanctuary looking for a farm hand. -Spoke with the owner on the phone late this afternoon and I have an interview, tomorrow. -I fell in love with Santa Fe the moment I got here which is weird because I've been here before and didn't that time. -Had a cool conversation with a guy at the Trader Joe's who used to work at the one in Portland, Maine. He gave me a discount on my groceries. -Almost got in a fight with a "homeless" dude who rolled up on me in Espanola. He threatened me when I wouldn't give him any money so I got out of my truck, but he walked away. -Had a headache as I was trying to fall asleep after deciding to park at the Holiday Inn Express in Los Alamos (7,300ft.) then realized it was probably altitude sickness so I left and drove back down the mountain. It goes away after a day or so, but I wasn't planning on being there that long. -Been wanting to give my truck a bath all day, but every car wash I go to is closed because it's been too cold and the houses are all frozen. -It's been a beautiful sunny day, but never got much warmer than the low 30's. It's a dry cold. Right now, I'm parked in a big empty parking lot near a casino and hotel killing a little time waiting for the rush hour traffic to die down a little. For the size of the city Santa Fe is, the traffic's really not that bad. I drove through yesterday @5 and didn't hit any. I've been in this little town north of the city all day and my interview is south of it so I might as well drive closer, tonight. Maybe I can find a car wash in the morning. January 23, 2025, Durango, Colorado I think my laptop died. I've had it ten years so I got my money's worth. I'll have to type on my tablet, for now, which is a lot more cumbersome until I start working, again, and can buy a new one. The farmhand position I was planning on interviewing for was filled, yesterday morning, before I arrived, but the owner of the sanctuary didn't have the courtesy to call me and let me know to save me the trip, 25 miles outside of Santa Fe up a steep, wooded, dirt road in the mountains. Whatever, it gave me the chance to check out part of the surrounding area. After we met, she back pedalled and tried to hire me to build her a new fenced in enclosure on her 150 acres, but I didn't bite. She was dressed in dark forest green from head to toe in full make-up wearing expensive jewelry and her mouth looked weird. She had those funny lips like some old actresses get after one too many trips to the plastic surgeon. I can't work for crazy, rich people. Headed north. Drove through the night. Found myself in Dulce, NM, smack dab in the middle of the one million acre Jicarilla Apache Reservation headquartered there. It's a very small town, but as late as it was there were a lot of cars and trucks parked at the community center, a big fancy new building. There must have been some kind of an event going on and I really wanted to go in and see, but I felt like I'd be intruding. I don't think there are any white people in the whole town and I was just looking for a place to park for the night when I stumbled upon their little community. White people have taken enough from them. I decided to keep driving. Almost plowed into a giant herd of elk that had engulfed Highway 84, but managed to slowly weave my way through them without any bumps. I was so excited when I finally rolled into Pagosa Springs, CO, just before midnight because I thought I finally found a little mountain town that I could call "home." It seemed perfect with the added bonus of a small river winding through the downtown area that had many hot spring pools where people could bathe in year round. It was -5 degrees last night, but this morning, I watched locals, tourists, families with small children wearing bathing suits like they were going to the beach jump in the river despite it being 20 degrees outside by midday. Then MissButterfly called out of the blue. We talked for two and a half hours. It went well. She was hoping we could talk in person so when she found out that I was so far away she was a little saddened by this, but admitted that it was probably safer this way because she couldn't guarantee that she'd behave herself. I said that I was sorry for leaving without saying goodbye, but gave the same reason for doing so. She apologized for a lot of things accompanied by a few tears, but we had a lot of laughs, too. She gave me a hard time for not opening her card which I left in the barn and I gave her a hard time for showing up to where I lived after I asked her not to. I admitted that I worry about her and her children a lot and it still bothers me that I didn't do more for them. I knew she finally got a settlement this summer from the insurance claim regarding her husband's death so that put me at ease a little. The amount wasn't nearly what it should have been, but at least I don't have to worry about her running out of money. I just wish they had a positive male figure in their lives and I know she has a better support system than most people, but I still worry about them. She felt the need to tell me that she told what's his name that he couldn't come stay with her anymore. She shared that she's still not ready for a relationship because her feelings regarding the loss of her life partner are still too strong, but on the other hand it's very hard managing an off the grid household, raising the kids and thinking about the future. She asked if we could keep in touch and I told her we could. After I spent the day walking around, got some groceries, even picked up a small map from the visitor center, reality hit me when I decided to drive beyond the far side of Pagosa Springs which I hadn't seen yet and discovered miles of strip malls and shopping plazas covering an area three times the size of the little town. Big ugly apartment buildings, a super walmart and every other kind of store you can imagine. It was like a completely different place. Do we have to ruin everything? Kept driving. January 23, 2025, Palisade, Colorado Alright kid, what are you going to do? You can't keep driving forever. You still have a chance to make something out of this trip and out of your life. Don't squander it by making the same old mistakes over and over, again. Sitting in my truck in a parking lot in Santa Fe a few days ago, the word "surrender" kept coming to mind. I've heard it many times being applied to people who need to make a change in their lives, but they often don't until they have no choice. Once every bridge is burned, every relationship destroyed, every opportunity squandered, only then do they accept that they can't keep living the way they have been. This is the type of surrender I was thinking about, but I haven't ruined everything, yet. Sometimes I feel like I have, but that's only the loneliness talking. I still have a chance. How do I surrender when I'm still trying? Who or what do I surrender to? After checking out more of the surrounding area, I wasn't really feeling Santa Fe anymore. Not enough tall trees and wilderness. It was already getting dark when I rolled through the city that first night and the well-lit murals along the freeway, the peacefulness of the lack of traffic and the black silhouette of mountains below an orange sky sucked me in. It was very nice, but not the right fit. I laughed at myself a day later that it was like a guy falling for a woman in a dimly lit bar only to realize once the lights come up that she's not as attractive as he thought she was. I'm sure women can have the same experience about men. I had to let go of the preconception that this was where I was supposed to make a go of it. The result was getting very excited when I drove further north and was greeted by snow covered forests and rocky peaks, not to mention the dark brown sea of elk I waded through. Seeing what happened to Pagosa Springs took a little of the wind out of my sails. Durango was way too big and yuppie-ville so I kept rolling. The drive further north reminded me of arriving in Alaska for the first time, maybe not quite as big and expansive, but absolutely beautiful nonetheless. There were a few funky little tourist towns along the way that I'm sure I'd enjoy visiting for fun, but with nothing other than restaurants, rental properties and tourism companies that's not the type of economy I want to invest in. I didn't see much for a farmer to get his hands dirty with so I kept going. I liked Montrose. It was flat and larger than I preferred, but there were plenty of farms and ranches. Almost applied for a ranch job there. I definitely could've made a go of it in a big country town like that. It would have been a very practical solution and I almost forced myself to do it, but something was holding me back. I want to be excited about wherever I choose so after spending the day checking out the area and wavering about the decision, I got back on the highway headed north. Went to church, this morning. It's definitely been a while, but I needed a break from the road and to get out of my own head. I've had my sights on Wyoming and Montana for cripes sake! This needs to stop. Got up early, gave myself and the truck a quick bath -the car washes in Colorado use warm water, put on some nice clean clothes, then headed to a few tiny towns outside of Grand Junction and picked a church in Molina with the most pick-up trucks in the parking lot. I should have gone to the early "contemporary" service, but I was a little late after checking out a different church in a different town by the time I got there so I decided to visit another town and come back later for the "traditional" service at 11. Bad call. It was all old people, boring hymn music rather than someone rocking the empty drum kit which was set up to the right of the podium and way too much bible talk. Still a very nice service and I commend the pastor for his enthusiasm. Maybe next Sunday I'll catch the early one...if I'm still here. January 27, 2025, Grand Junction, Colorado It's not looking good. I've hit three meetings in the last 12hrs, two last night then got up at 6 and went to another, this morning. I tried one type of church, figured I'd try the other. I like these better. It's the one place in our entire country where anyone is welcome without judgment. Met some good people, got lots of phone numbers, even got taken out to dinner by a nice older couple. Not one person even introduced themselves at the other church, yesterday morning. I'm not sure what to do, yet. Grand Junction is too big a city for me, but I saw that there were plenty of meetings here, like any city, plenty of places to park at night and the surrounding area is beautiful so I'm regrouping for the moment. When I was driving across Oklahoma 10 days ago, I made the dreaded decision to listen to last year's blog in its entirety seeing as I had to be on the interstate for an extended period of time. I cringed as I listened to how I was doing great during one post then hanging on by a thread the next. Over and over this happened. What a rollercoaster. Granted, sometimes there was a week or more between entries and a lot can happen in a week, but still, not an encouraging depiction. A lot can happen in a day. What defense do I have against this except my own abilities? This isn't enough. One person's abilities aren't enough. When I imagine the little town I've got pictured in my head that I've been looking for, it's a place where everyone knows each other where life's not perfect, but you make the best of it. If I'm making a list of all types of criteria a town may or may not fit into, and I've made plenty of lists, least populated states in the U.S., coldest states in the U.S., sunniest, lists of ic's in certain states, the lists go on, then this approach goes against surrendering. It's a list that reinforces all the big ideas I think I have. I need to surrender all my big ideas. I, also, want to get as far away from the big ideas other people have, too. I need peace and quiet. I need humility, not entitlement. I know I need nature, but I can't pick a place with too much beauty. This is why I left the coast. It attracts too many selfish people and mindless consumers. No hot springs or tourist destinations. Just regular folk living a simple country life. Seeing the big horn sheep grazing along the mountain roads, yesterday, was so striking that I thought I was looking at a painting. January 29, 2025, a small town in the Rockies, Colorado I don't know how I got here, but I'm here. I almost feel like crying. It's been a long road. Only took 4,112 miles. Maybe a little more. I didn't think to set my trip meter until after I'd already been driving for a day. I arrived on Monday. Today's Wednesday and the butterflies in my stomach still haven't subsided. I know I've got a lot of work to do so I can't start celebrating. I'm just trying to be thankful. I need to find a job, a place to live and... that's it. I'm not putting anything else on the list. I need to keep things simple. I did laundry, yesterday, which is a task that I usually hate, taking my clothes to a laundromat, but it might have been the most enjoyable experience I've ever had. It was so peaceful. The washers and dryers were tucked into the back room of a small cafe which must be closed for the winter so I had the whole place to myself except for the nice older lady sitting on the porch outside going through all the china cups and dishes she just picked up at the "donation station", a small gazebo type structure across the street where people leave things that other residents might want. I had to walk through the small tables and comfortable chairs of the cafe to get to the laundromat in back. The building itself looked like a saloon out of an old western movie where gunslingers might come for a whiskey before shooting it out in the muddy streets out front. Now, it was just me, the nice older lady and her cat (turned out to be her sister's cat) on the weathered boards of the porch. There were old black and white photos on the walls above the washing machines that captivated a person's imagination representing a time long gone, but a lot of the buildings in town still look the same. Alright dude, don't start waxing nostalgic. You like it here. It's obvious. Get to work, just don't make yourself miserable in the process. February 2, 2025, a small town in the Rockies, Colorado It's so beautiful here. Being on the road was begining to wear on me by the end of my first week in a new place so I looked on the map that the friendly lady at the ranger's station gave me the other day to find a route that would take me out of the developed areas and into some remote state or federal land. Struck out on the south side of town, but lucked out on the north. Peace and quiet and permission to be. The sun is setting and I'm high enough that I can see for miles and miles across the snow capped peaks. All I can do is shake my head in awe. Heard back from one farm operation earlier in the week. They said they could definitely use me, but probably not for another month or so. I figured as much. Winter is a slow time for most farms. Sent out a couple more emails yesterday, but it's the weekend so I probably won't hear back from anyone until the work week begins. I might make up some new flyers with a local phone number on them and post them around town to find some work before spring arrives. It could be a way to meet new people, too. It would be nice to park here for the night rather than head back to town, but as far away as this road is, it's the only one to travel on in these parts so there's always a chance of someone coming along in the middle of the night which would wake me up and keep me sleeping with one eye open. It's hard to get a decent night's rest that way. If there were a turn off that led into the woods where I could park out of sight, I'd stay, but not right here on the side of the road. Plus, I should head back to where I have cell reception anyways so I can search for more farms in the area to check out tomorrow. Sure is peaceful out here though. I don't want to leave. February 3, 2025, a small town in the Rockies, Colorado Got an email first thing this morning in response to one of the jobs I inquired about this weekend so I headed back out of town up the wilderness road to shave and take a vagabond shower then I drove back to town and washed the truck before I replied in case they wanted me to come in for an interview, today, but it's not until Thursday so I've got a few days. All cleaned up and no where to go. "Cleaned up" is a relative term. I'd love to take a shower, a real one. It's been a while. Too long. You can pay for one at truck stops along the interstate which is something I've done on this trip, but I'm too far away from there, now. It was super warm, today, even for this area. It got all the way up to 70 so jumping in the river that winds past the edge of town could be an option if it gets this warm, again. I'd have to break through the snow and ice along the banks, no hot springs here, but it would be doable. With my legs dangling from my tailgate having some chips and salsa parked by the river this afternoon, two friendly women walked by and we exchanged a few neighborly words. I already had sort of a crush on one of them -not in a romantic or sexual way. I get crushes on lots of people. It just means that I think they're cool and want to be friends with them. I saw her earlier this morning when I drove into town to wash the truck. She was riding a bike with a cargo trailer attached to it and she was dressed in work clothes. My kinda girl. She had her hood pulled up so I couldn't see her face, but I could tell by her build that she was healthy and fit. Again, not that kind of crush. As I was sitting in my truck at the river park making a list of all the farms in the area and trying to decide which ones I'd be interested in working for, I recognized the bike and trailer leaning against a picnic table. When it got too warm even with the windows down, I moved outside to the tailgate and that's when she and her friend walked by. She had two big bundles of willow stalks loaded into her bike trailer that she had harvested from along the banks of the river which she was pushing beside her so she and her friend who was carrying a baby could walk and talk. Like an idiot, I didn't introduce myself or ask their names after we had spoken. I'm not much of a player, but I need to work on this if I'm going to meet new people and make new friends. I don't need to be a player, but I do need to learn to put myself out there a little more. One thing I knew to prepare for if I did find the right small town to call "home" was that it would be a little more challenging to find work in a less populated area while remaining inconspicuous parking at night which is another reason why I try to keep myself and the truck clean and presentable. I don't want to look like a destitute slacker who has no place to go. I'm an honest, hard working person who has no place to go. The difference should matter. There are actually three little towns in this general area that would work as my new home all within about 10 miles of each other forming a small triangle. The largest and funkiest, population 1,400, is the one I've been spending the most time in. It has a lot going on for such a small town. I've parked in the next largest town, population 900, a few times, too. I get my groceries over there. It's too expensive in the funky town. The exact same item cost $2 more on average there. It's so elitist the way health food stores do this. Sorry, that's one club I never want to belong to. I believe in buying local and supporting my town's economy, but not when stores jack up the prices that high. This isn't part of the solution. More money is not the solution. Money isn't real. Values are. When real values are more "valuable" than money, that's when positive change is actually taking place. I don't expect adults to understand this. They're too old and have been running on bad programming for too long. The mind is a creature of habit. An older person's brain would probably explode if you told them that money isn't real. The younger generations are the ones who can recognize the problem more easily which is good seeing as their the ones who are going to have to implement an actual value system, not this unsustainable rigged game we've been playing. Speaking of money, I'm looking forward to buying a new laptop. Typing with one finger on this tablet is a little slow. I can afford to get one now, but I'm going to wait until I start working. Lots to write about. February 4, 2025, a small town in the Rockies, Colorado I jumped in. Had to. I couldn't talk about it then not do it. It wasn't super warm, today, maybe high 50's, and I wasn't even planning on it, but I decided to take a walk around town then one thing led to another. It's easy to miss stuff when you're driving and it was still very comfortable out for February so I took a stroll through the downtown area to get to know the place a little better. I looked for more spots to post fliers and maybe I'd find an empty store front to rent for one of my bigger pipe dreams. Leaving my truck parked across from the little overpriced grocery store, I did a big loop and as I was making my way through the north side of town I remembered seeing some type of park or footpath on the outskirts as I've been coming and going so I decided to check it out. I had to cross the bridge that goes over the river to get there so I stopped and looked down into the water. There were big islands of ice and snow in the middle, but the rocky banks were clear along this section and that's when the idea crossed my mind, again. It was narrower and deeper here as the water goes under the roadway which is pretty high above leaving plenty of room for springtime, I'm guessing, when all the snow in the mountains melts and turn this peaceful river into a roaring force of nature. It was a fairly cloudy day, but the sun occasionally threatened to come out and I happened to put on a long sleeve shirt over my t-shirt just before I left so technically I could use one of my shirts as a towel to dry myself off if I decided to take the plunge. Stripped down to my boxers, crouching on a rock, trying to build up the courage while laughing at myself, a chunk of ice floated by my toes as if to say "Don't kid yourself. This is not going to be pleasant." My cousin in Boston swares by cold plunges and has a tank in his basement which he uses all the time. If he can do it, I can do it. I jumped into the waist deep water, took a big breath as my legs were already going numb and under I went. I climbed out and sat down on a big flat rock to drip dry. It was freezing, but not as bad as I expected probably because my body was in shock. Not exactly a shower, but better than nothing. I didn't bother drying off with my t-shirt. My adrenaline was probably keeping me warm. The sun never came back out. The town river park was upstream a ways around a bend so it was pretty quiet where I was and no one could really see me except for the occasional passerby walking over the bridge. There's not much difference between a bathing suit and a pair of boxers so I didn't care. Using my t-shirt to cover myself, I pulled off my wet drawers, pulled on my long johns and jeans, finished getting dressed and took a walk through the woods on the path that I had seen from the road. It was peaceful. I haven't mentioned how many mule deer are around here, but there's tons . They walk the streets at night grazing in people's small yards downtown. Didn't see any this afternoon, but plenty of sign. It's kind of cool. Some of the bucks have pretty nice racks. I don't know why I'm rambling on about all this, maybe to write about something other than problems. I finished making new fliers, but I don't think I'm going to put them up until after my interview on Thursday in case I like the job. It's not for a farm, but it's farm related. They're an organic soil company that sells in bulk to a lot of farms in the area. Maybe I'll get a decent workout lifting big bags of soil all day. I definitely need it. This might be the skinniest I've ever been. It's a little concerning. I actually put on a fair amount of weight from my last gig back in Maine which felt great, but that was three months ago and I've been on road rations since then while traveling so I've lost it all and then some. I've, also, written up more cover letters to email, or drop off in person, to some of the larger farms in the area that might be able to use someone with my experience, but as eager as I am to start working, again, I'm trying to be patient. They'll be countless jobs available in the spring and summer once the farming season is in full swing, but I still need to head back to New England at some point to get my tiny house and the rest of my tools. Not sure how that's going to play out. One thing at a time. MissLuna said I can leave my trailer there as long as I need to so there's no rush unless I create one. I hate disappointing people so it'll be hard not to take the job on Thursday if they want to hire me, but knowing I have the option of putting up fliers to keep myself somewhat busy until spring is a little reassuring. February 6, 2025, a small town in the Rockies, Colorado I'm sitting here half a mile down the road from where my job interview is trying to kill some time. I've been in this similar situation on more occasions than I can count. Wait, ya know what? I'm getting pretty tired of starting so many of my sentences with "sitting here" I'm sick of sitting around waiting for one thing or another to happen. I should be able to find something useful and productive to do that doesn't cost money. It's winter, but it's not life-threatening cold here during the day. It's been quite nice actually. There's plenty I can be doing if I think outside the box. Life is not a box. Our minds can become trapped into only thinking in certain patterns because of the many artificial circumstances inside "the box", but I know better than this. A big reason for my lack of more creative and resourceful thinking lately is because I've been using my darn phone way too much to research jobs, find addresses and to learn more about this area, but in the process the technology is so engaging that it sucks me into my head rather out into the world around me. I can't be too hard on myself since I'm a one legged table at the moment. Without a job and people to check in with, it's tough to feel grounded after a while. Anyways, I need to work on this. Recognizing it is the first step. I don't think I've ever written about the moment just before a job interview so I guess that's doing something different. I'm always too early for them because I've got nothing better to do. I look forward to the day when I don't have to hide how I live, when people will want to get to know me and might even admire it when they learn how hard I've tried. about an hour later Well, that was very encouraging. There were five of us sitting around a table, the owner, three key people in the company and myself. That was, also, different from most interviews in a refreshing way. Each of them had a copy of my resume in front of them as the owner and some of the others asked questions or made comments regarding any information that caught their attention on my resume. Another first. We even had a few laughs. Barring that my background check turns out fine which it will, the owner basically offered me the job with the highest starting pay available with the assurance that this amount will go up sooner than later gauging from all my experience. It's still not a lot of money, but for someone with no debt and the lowest humanly possible overhead, it's a second leg to the table. The thing that's been haunting me is that I lied about something during the interview. One of the tricks I've used over the years in order to open a new bank account or obtain a local p.o.box is I'll get a room at a nearby motel and use the address on the receipt as proof of residence. This has worked pretty well in the past. Out of the four people who participated in the interview, the owner, the production manager, the equipment manager and the office manager, the office manager was the one who asked me where I was living and I reluctantly told her that I was staying at the motel just down the road in walking distance from the soil company. I was afraid to tell them that I've been living out of my truck. I'm sure it would sound crazy to most people. They don't know how disciplined and responsible I am. How could they? I explained how I typically look for a small piece of land to rent where I can park my tiny house or a camper once I know where my job is going to be sharing that it's just one way I save money in order to continue working on farms making so little. In my head, I said to myself that if I have to get a room for one night in order to make what I told her true, I will. The motel is a small place, definitely not fancy, but after I left the interview and looked into how much a room was, it was $120 and I can't justify paying that, not when I'm not working. There's another one a little further away, but they charge the same amount. It may not be a lot to most people and, technically, I can afford it, but that much money will last me more than a week the way I live compared to just one night. That's too wasteful, but lying about it is really bothering me. Of course, if I get the job, I'll tell her the truth the first chance I get, but I'm worried that they'll somehow find out that I lied. The equipment manager said he lives right near the motel. I'm probably over analyzing it, but I hate not being honest. February 9, 2025, along a river in the Rockies, Colorado What a perfect spot. I have to alternate where I park at night so as to not draw attention to myself and I usually try to pick a location that's pointed east so I'll get plenty of sunshine in the morning to heat up the interior of the truck. This works great, but last night I had to park where I'd be in the shade this morning so I was eager to move and rather than just relocate to somewhere else in town I decided to do a little exploring in the surrounding area and found a perfect spot right along the river about 5 miles east of town, a direction I hadn't traveled in yet. The turn off looked super muddy at first glance so a lot of people probably avoid it because they don't want to get stuck, but the nights have been cold enough to keep the ground frozen despite how messy it looks from the main road. Gave myself a haircut, took a vagabond shower then refilled my gallon wash jug in the river. This reminded me of Alaska because usually when you fill up a clear container with water that you've fetched from the outdoors like from a stream or creek there's a slight tint to it, but not in Alaska. I could pull over, grab my big 5 gallon jug and submerge it in a mountain brook and it would be as clear as if I bought it in a store. The water in this one gallon jug is just as clear. There are some hoof prints in the mud along the river that look too wide to be mule deer so maybe there are some big horn sheep in the area which would be cool to see, again. I don't think the tracks are from elk. I haven't seen any in this part of the state. Plus, there'd be a lot more than a few if it were elk. They travel in large numbers. Grabbed a long skinny stick and picked up the trash scattered around the muddy clearing. It was only a few pieces so it wasn't overwhelming like some places and there was a metal fire pit labeled Parks and Rec so I just flipped open the grate and threw it in there. It was all paper and clothes so it'll burn easy. Much better. It's Sunday so, like it or not, I've got to play the waiting game for a couple more days. I heard back from the office manager on Friday. She was just following up to make sure I'd submitted all my info for the background check with the link she had sent me which I already did, but apparently it takes a few days for it to process so I probably won't hear anything until mid-week. I've got my fliers, my farm introduction letters and there's a few other non-farm related jobs in the area that I could most likely land, but the owner of the soil company and the rest of the folks seem like decent people so I'm going to wait before pursuing anything else. It'll be a huge relief if I can start working, again. I've been staying productive with other things in the meantime. Took another walk around town, yesterday, with a little tripod that I usually bring with me on long distance hikes and took some cool pics for a card I promised I'd make MissButterfly seeing as my last one was so lame. I haven't talked to her since that day in Pagosa Springs. I've been reluctant to. I don't want to give her false hope. She's emailed a couple times since then wanting to set up a chance to talk, again, but I don't really see the point. I'm glad we improved things between us and I'll try to be her friend, but I think we're too different for anything more than that. She claims that she agrees with this, but some of the things she says and writes reflect wanting more which is why I'm giving it some time. At least, now, I'm in a better place, and I don't just mean geographically, so I'll be able to handle things differently moving forward. Met a few more people on my walk and bumped into a man who I helped out the other day so we talked for a couple minutes. He had been on a dual sport dirt bike trying to carry a recliner on his shoulder when we met. It usually takes two hands to ride a motorcycle, one for the throttle and the other for the clutch. At first, I thought he was a teenage kid because he was thin, it was a newer bike and I couldn't see his face with his helmet on. I had just left the job interview when I drove past him downtown. He couldn't seem to get going while keeping the big chair balanced on his shoulder so I pulled over, walked across the street and offered to throw it in the back of my truck. I couldn't imagine he was going very far like that. Turned out he was an older gentleman, 60's I'm guessing, but looked very fit and healthy. The rule is "First come, first serve," when people leave stuff out free for the taking so he didn't want to risk the chance of someone else grabbing the chair while he road his motorcycle home, got his truck and drove back to get it. He welcomed the help, we threw it in my truck and I followed him a couple miles to the other side of town. There was a different recliner on the side of the road in the same spot, the next day. He used his truck to swap them out and, now, that one's gone, too. Recycle, reduce, reuse. As cumbersome as typing on this tablet is, I should take advantage of this free time to work on the book and other projects. A pair of mergansers are impressively motoring around in the middle of the river where the current is strongest occasionally diving in search of a meal. The male has black and white contrasting markings while the female has browns and other earth tones with a distinct crest on the back of her head like a punk rock poneytail. I thought they were loons, at first, but I doubted there were any in this part of the country so I had to google it, later, after I left when I turned on my phone. There was no way I was turning it on in such a beautiful location. February 13, 2025, a small town in the Rockies, Colorado Received an email on Monday notifying me that I got the job. I was so psyched and relieved. Took a long deep breath. Later in the day, I got a few more emails from the office manager regarding paperwork and online stuff that I needed to fill out like their time clock app, direct deposit, etc. which was to be expected. However when I opened one of the emails, it included 7 different links requiring me to download over 32 documents. Documents, not pages. I didn't bother counting how many pages this was. I spent the rest of the day Monday and part of Tuesday sorting through it all. I had to take a couple quizzes regarding forklift operation and workplace safety which was no big deal, but all the other paperwork sucked the enthusiasm right out of me. The company's not that big maybe 15 employees which is a good size by my standards, but it would have been nice if someone had given me a heads up about all the documents letting me know which ones to focus on. Not a word. Just deal with it. I started on Wednesday and spent the whole day replacing the wheel cylinders on one of their many forklifts. The cylinder mounting bolts and brake lines are buried behind the wheel housing with only a couple inches to reach your fingers and a wrench back there in 30 degree weather in the shade. Good times. Did more mechanical work on Thursday as well as commercial construction installing conduit along the ceiling for overhead lighting in one of their new metal buildings. They have an endless amount of this type of work to do. Endless. I've had jobs like this in the past, but it's not what I was looking for especially for $19/hr. The jobs I've had like this pay twice as much, if not more. This definitely isn't farm work. If I wanted, I could make the most of the situation and suffer through it for a couple months then quit justifying it by how little he's paying me. This would work out great for me. I'd have a few bucks saved by then and could head back east and get the tiny house, but handling it this way didn't feel right so I asked to speak with the owner and we sat down at the end of the day on Thursday. I told him that I couldn't see myself working there long, but if he needed the help I could give him a month or two so he could get ready for spring which is their busiest time of year. He appreciated my honesty and we talked for about an hour. Well, he did most of the talking. I hate disappointing people and don't want to offend anyone, but the place is a mess. Everywhere I looked more messes. The operation reminded of something in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome except the apocalypse hasn't happened yet. The owner didn't seem to be involved in the day to day operation of the place, but the managers seemed very stressed out. I used mostly my own tools rather than rummage around endlessly in the little workshop. He's got a lot of tools, more than me, and I've definitely seen worse, but being organized with so much equipment to maintain and repair makes life a lot easier. I don't mind working on my own trucks or a piece of farm equipment once in a while, but I'm not looking for a mechanic job at any wage. He told me that he'd never try to make someone stay, but asked me to give it another week so I agreed. One more day then it's the weekend and I can regroup, do laundry, etc. My best thinking got me in the situation I was in earlier this winter, and for a long time before then, so I need to try to do things differently, but within reason. February 14, 2025, a town near the Rockies, Colorado Treated myself to a motel room, tonight. I was planning on getting one at the place a half a mile down the road from where I'm working, but after giving it some thought I decided to drive to a bigger town 20 miles away and pay half the price. I can use the money I saved to put towards a new laptop now that I'm working. I seriously needed a hot shower. Winter is back. It turns out all this nice weather has been unusual even for here. Worked in the snow and rain all day. It's 9:43pm and I can barely keep my eyes open. When I got out of work, I thought I might head out to grab some dinner somewhere after I got all cleaned up seeing as it's Valentine's Day. How am I going to meet someone if I don't put myself out there, but after a long hot shower spending a relaxing evening someplace where I'm allowed to be and taking a break from the road seemed like a better option. I'll get to the point where I don't feel like some lonely outsider with no place to belong eventually. Right now, I get to sleep in a bed and rest. February 23, 2025, the Rockies, Colorado Well, I couldn't have found a more beautiful place to call home. Every time I take a drive to an area where I haven't been, I find more beauty. I'm parked beside a giant snow covered lake with a village of tents sprinkled across it. The people making their way around on the flat white expanse look like little ants from this distance. Some ride atv's or snowmobiles. Others are on foot, adults and children alike, pulling sleds behind them. The real little ones are catching a ride on the sleds. Some are here to ice fish in the sunshine just for the day. Some have been here all weekend weathering the cold nights in their tents. It's 30 degrees, right now, but the sun is so bright that I have to keep the truck window open to prevent from getting too hot. I spent the night here. It got down close to zero, but I was quite comfortable. After checking out the area, I almost drove to a big town about an hour away where it's much warmer (lower elevation), but I couldn't bring myself to leave this beauty. One thing to keep in mind regarding my particular lifestyle is that being surrounded by the natural landscape with permission to be here makes all the difference in the world. The weather conditions become much more manageable, even enjoyable. I'll always miss the ocean. It's in my blood, growing up lobstering, clamming and swimming all summer long, but it's a little scary to confess how much I love it here, too, because then I'll have no excuse when my mind tries to convince me to leave when the loneliness becomes unbearable, yet again. For once, I have to do whatever I can to not let this happen. Right now, I'm trying to decide whether to spend another night at this location. It's late afternoon, but there are still plenty of people down on the lake which tells me that they're allowed to park along it's shores overnight meaning I can stay longer and not be the only vehicle. I should probably plow through a quick recap so the decision will have some context. -Gave the job a week, but had to quit. Hated to. Sat there in my truck Tuesday evening after work absolutely dreading the conversation, but knew it was the right decision and dialed the phone. I've come too far to be unhappy 5 out of 7 days a week. Great bunch of guys though. Wish the circumstances were different. They played hacky-sac every day on their breaks. I got such a kick out of watching them, no pun intended. I suppose I could've joined, but I was on a different crew and never took a break. The owner didn't answer when I called around 5:45 so I left a message. Never heard back from him. Called one of the managers, also, who I worked the most with, had a good talk and wished each other well. It's probably good that I didn't spring for a new laptop. I looked at a bunch, last weekend. Found a couple stores stating they had the one I was looking for, but, of course, when I got there, they didn't have any in stock, but had something similar for 100 bucks more. A lot of stores use this trick, nowadays. No wonder why so many people, including myself, buy online. -Met a few farmers at the monthly winter farmers market downtown that same evening. -Mailed MissButterfly's card. Sent missLuna one, too, thanking her for forwarding my mail (w-2's). -Did my taxes online. Getting a few bucks back. -Sent an email to one of the farmers I met on Tuesday evening. -With a little reluctance, I, also, sent an email to one of the co-founders of a community in the area. I had already messaged them a few weeks ago to introduce myself, but never heard back. I used the online form on their website to do this and you never know how often people check these or if it even worked so this time just to be thorough I emailed one of them directly. I was fine with them not being interested in meeting me. I just wanted to be sure they received my message. I had inadvertently found one of the founder's email addresses on a singles dating forum, of all places, when I was doing some research online for communities in this area and the name of theirs came up. He was trying to get with some woman in Arizona and mentioned the name of the community he "co-founded" which is why it came up in my search. This was after I had already reached out to them. Apparently, he and his wife/partner, the other co-founder, have split up. After having breakfast with him on Saturday morning, it turns out that she gave him the boot. He wrote to the woman in AZ on the forum that he left because he was "snowed out" for the winter. There is no snow on the ground here, right now. We've gotten a little a couple times in the last month, but it melts within a day. Before learning all this when I sent him a polite email apologizing for the intrusion, I explained that I just wanted to confirm that someone had received my first message. Later that day, I got a short rather curt email back stating that he couldn't host me. I wasn't looking for a host. I didn't want to reply reactively so I waited to respond to give it some time, but before I could I got another email from him later that night saying he'd be willing to meet me for coffee sometime. Again, I didn't respond. Then first thing the next morning, I got another email saying that he was in town and we could meet up between 8:30 and 10am. Against my better judgment, I said to myself "What the heck. I've got nothing better to do." He was at a restaurant in town having breakfast so I drove over and joined him. He was an older man, 60's, and gave me his quick life story, the impressive parts anyways, or so he thought, and left before I even finished my eggs. The food was good and it's been a while since I've had a hot meal so I didn't really care. Before he bounced, he said he'd like to meet up, again, and maybe I could come out to the property. I guess their not snowed out after all. According to the website, the community has existed for 12 years. Right now, he's building a little cabin for himself to live in. His ex-partner has a new boyfriend and they're living in the house. I doubt I'll follow up with that situation. -Put up my flyers looking for labor work around the three small towns in the area, mostly at hardware stores and lumber yards. After putting up my last one in the furthest town at a motel, hardware and feed store all in one, I just kept driving south over a mountain range seeing as I don't need to be anywhere for a while and here I am. I've got a couple more days before I need to head back. When I first arrived four weeks ago, I was so happy and excited that I wanted to celebrate. I considered going out to eat by myself someplace which I used to do more often, but I've since realized that this doesn't achieve the desired result. I'm not going out because I'm hungry. I have food in the cooler. I'm going out because I want to celebrate and socialize with other people, but you can't force this in a restaurant setting or even a bar. In the past, more often than not, I wouldn't meet anyone new, but spent around 30 to 50 bucks in the process. No thanks. But, there was one place where I was sure to meet some new people so I went to a meeting. It was fun and there was lots of laughter. Meetings are usually pretty small this far from a major city, but I still met lots of people and got phone numbers from the guys. That's how they do it. Men with men. Women with women which is a good policy to have. When a person is in the kind of shape someone is in that forces them to go to their first meeting, they're in no mental state to be starting a romantic relationship. I was still riding high from finding this new little town so I went to a meeting every night that week. I even volunteered to open the church, set up the tables and make the coffee on Tuesday nights which is why I need to head back. I don't even drink coffee or anything else much these days. After the first week, I stopped going to them every night. I think it's an amazing program. If everyone on the planet especially those in first world countries did the 12 Steps, the world would immediately be a much better place. Guaranteed. I've done them. We're, all, addicted to something because we've lost our tribe. For starters, we're energy junkies consuming far more resources than we need and faster than the Earth can replenish. My vice is habitually moving from place to place. Nevertheless, I didn't want to seem like a tourist in their recovery. I've got my own problems for sure, but they're not alcohol or drug related. However, out of respect for the meetings, I haven't had a beer since arriving here. Don't really miss it. It was just something to do once in a while to break up the monotony of my barren social existence. The volunteer commitment is only for a month so this Tuesday will be my last. Part of me thinks I should keep going to them. If giving up a beer once in a while will improve the quality of my life by helping me make new friends then I should consider it. I definitely drank too much in high school and college, but it eventually fell by the wayside as a result of the path I've taken. Being sober is much better. You can still feel high from life if you're willing to do the work on yourself, but it's a cleaner realer high, a better one, not from a substance. I just seems disingenuous to pretend to be something I'm not in order to make friends. February 25, 2025, a small town in the Rockies, Colorado Before the landscape sloped down to the lower elevations, I found a muddy road off the rural highway leading up to the summit of the last little mountain and parked there for the night. The stars were so bright. Took the longer flatter way back through the valley and did a few errands in the larger towns down there before returning to Patagonia. This is what I'm calling this new little town. I've seen too many cool places ruined by overdevelopment like the town I grew up in and I don't want to contribute to this by revealing its location. I've already talked to enough locals who have commented on how much it's already changed. I know this is inevitable everywhere, bit I like it just the way it is. It's nice to be parked along the river, again, in another spot a little further down the road. What next? I've been contemplating a few different options. -Stick around and try to pick up some work for the rest of the winter. -Look for a better permanent job and when they hire me include the caviot that I need to head back to get my tiny house at some point this spring or summer. -Head back East, now, and get the tiny house seeing as I know a place exists that I might be able to call home. -Head back East, sell the tiny house, throw my things on a utility trailer, come back with a lot more money and find a permanent job on the right farm or work for myself and build a network by getting more involved in the community. -Head back East, sell the tiny house, throw my things on a utility trailer, come back with a lot more money, disappear into the wilderness and secretly live off the land like a mountain man for the rest of my life. It sounds ludicrous, but I'm completely serious. I've been thinking about it a lot. Well, I've always thought about it a little since getting out a school and taking my first road trip across the country realizing how big and vast this continent is, but lately I've been thinking about it a lot more. The grand canyon is kicking my ass every morning and I'm tired of living like this trapped in the system alone. If I sold the homestead hauler, I could live off the money for a very long time if I was providing myself with food and shelter in a completely natural way. Obviously, living wild would be completely illegal. This is why I write, to get these lame brain ideas out of my head so I can hear how ridiculous they sound. If I decide to keep the tiny house, it would probably be wise to find a spot to park it, now, before I leave so I don't have to look for one when I get back with a 30 foot trailer in tow. On the other hand, not having a spot or anyone expecting me means I'd be completely free during the trip and fate could play a hand. Plenty of options. I get a little anxious about heading back if it's going to require spending a prolonged period of time there which it would if I was going to sell it because I'd want to do a bunch more work to it, first. This might be a very bad idea. I'd probably be fine for a couple days, but then the situation that I just escaped only two months ago would start getting its hooks back in me. It would be a little different, this time, because I'd have an actual destination creating a light at the end of the tunnel, but it would still be very risky. If I'm going to keep the trailer, all I have to do is finish wiring the lights and a couple of other things in order to hook on and hit the road so I think that would be fine. What have I learned, lately? How have I addressed the real problem? Am I even willing to confess what the real problem is? Is it me, loneliness or the system? I can only actually do something about one of these things, me. Before I start beating myself up like I always do, it might be time to look at the bigger picture that we're all living in, especially in this country. I've been hesitant to focus on societal problems in the past because I never wanted to sound like a negative whiny complainer so for years I just gritted my teeth, found work where I could and kept trying to learn from the path I've taken. I'll admit that it wasn't pretty at times and when I go back and read what I wrote about those experiences it's hard to swallow. I still had more to learn. I always will, but with all the joy and happiness I've been experiencing more and more over the past few years, I'm, now, better at distinguishing between which problems are mine and which are being created by the artificial system we're living in which is being manipulated by untrustworthy people. Like I just mentioned, I can only effectively improve my own life, but it's helpful to be aware of what I'm, also, up against. It's a matter of minds. February 28, 2025, a small town in the Rockies, Colorado Found a quick job in response to one of my fliers and worked, yesterday. I may have, also, found a place to park my tiny house and even do a little farming. I dug some foundation footings for a "customer" who seems like a nice guy. It felt great to get up, head to work and not dread it. I'm sure the sunshine and 50 degree weather didn't hurt. He's in his early 60's and has a few acres outside of town where he's building himself a small cabin. He'd, also, like to grow his own food, but doesn't have a lot of farming experience so at the end of the day after he saw what kind of a worker I was, he offered me a spot on his land if I wanted to help him get a little farm going. We, both, acknowledged that we just met and don't know one another very well, yet, so he was just putting it out there. He's got plenty more work for me, but he works for himself in the trades as well so as he has more money to put into his cabin and homestead he'll give me a call and we can keep talking about it. She said I didn't have to before I left, but I sent missLuna $500, this morning, just so I feel good about leaving the tiny house where it is. Heard from mr.Co-founder, again, inviting me to come out to their property, but I told him that I was going to hold off. No one ever responded to my first email and I don't know what kind of standing he's on with his ex-partner. It could be all her land for all I know so I don't want to get in the middle of their drama. I don't even know how many people are living there. It could be just the three of them so I'll give that situation some more time. Drove west out of town for the day and did a little exploring in the desert mesas that form along the river as it continues westward. They call this part of the state "the western slope" as the plains and plateaus stretch out away from the edge of the Rocky Mountains. It's much less populated here compared to the middle of the state where Denver and Boulder are. I was only about 4 miles from town when I turned off the one highway that runs through this area onto a dirt road leading into miles and miles of conservation land. It's not hard to get lost out here, in a good way. I found a quiet beautiful spot up on a bluff overlooking the river as it winds through the canyon below. Geez. After thinking about it for a couple days, I decided that it's a little early to head back east. It's still crazy cold back there so I've been kicking around the idea of checking in with mr.Model, now, that I've got my own plan pointed in the right direction and maybe heading down there for a month to help him out. I'll see how much work comes my way from the fliers. March 6, 2025, a small town in the Rockies, Colorado Got lots more work from the fliers. Heard back from the farmer who I reached out to and we're going to sit down and talk soon. Treated myself to a $35 beer and a burger at a cool place in the smallest town in this three town triangle. It was the only establishment I could find that stayed open past 9pm which didn't really matter because I left at 8. Oh well, I tried. The food was good and the handful of people there seemed nice. I just got restless sitting by myself and didn't feel like drinking anymore to fit in. Ya can't force it. At least, other areas of life are going well. One thing at a time. I'm hoping there's a small group of homesteaders around here somewhere all collaborating to live off the land while keeping day jobs. That's my dream. The idea is still to promote the book using the tiny house trailer as I travel so if I don't make any new friends here maybe I'll meet some on the road. March 10, 2025, the Rockies, Colorado Took off after work, grabbed a pizza on my way out of town and headed for the snow covered mountains. I could do this indefinitely. I'm making money, getting a workout, it's beautiful here and there are plenty of wide open spaces to escape to on my days off. I even found a couple local businesses where you can pay for a shower. Pretty psyched about that. The only problem is I'm still completely alone. For a long time, I've repeatedly promised myself that this is something I'm going to change. It's the major reason why I left where I was. In my previous situation, the obstacle was that living in a place where I didn't want to be made mustering the motivation to network and meet new people pointless. This is no longer the case. It's my choice to be here and I really like it. The hesitation caused by knowing in the back of my mind that I want to leave is now gone which is why I need to figure out the next step. I suppose there is one other factor that might be preventing me from meeting more people. I don't actually live anywhere, yet. I'm just floating around the area. This is allowing me to save money which is good, but it's, also, keeping me in limbo and that's no way to put down roots. I almost introduced myself to 'Patagonia', this week, by putting up some small cards around town that I made with the name of this website printed on them in the lower corner in very small letters. For a place with only a population of about 1,400 people (a typical NFL stadium seats 70,000), there are a lot of posters, fliers and event announcements all around town in store windows, on bulletin boards, at coffee shops, etc. so it wouldn't be hard to tuck my little card in among them, but something stopped me. It felt too contrived like I was taking fate into my own hands. Maybe I should let it happen organically. I'm not sure. I've traveled from place to place for years battling loneliness while anonymously writing about my experiences and everything I've learned secretly hoping I'll someday find my tribe. This can't happen if they don't know where I am or who I am. When I traveled on foot in my previous blog, it was much easier to meet people because a person carrying a big backpack along the road stands out and is easy to spot. People who have done their own fair share of backpacking immediately recognize you as a like-minded person. Living out of my truck especially in stealth mode like I am does just the opposite by allowing me to blend in. Everyone drives a vehicle. Then there are the vanlifers who seem to be everywhere these days. They're very noticeable which is fine when a person is traveling, but I've been there, done that. I'm finally trying to stay put. Mr.Producer called out of the blue the other day and we had another marathon conversation and he insisted that I create a social media account, but I can't bring myself to join that insanity. This is why I considered tacking these little cards up on the community bulletin boards around town and finally allowing myself to be discovered. Not in the way someone goes to Hollywood, New York or Nashville to be discovered -I'm all set with that, but in the way a lone wolf allows a potentially new pack to discover them. This is a little scary for the wolf because the pack may either attack it or welcome it and the only way to find this out is to take a leap of faith and be prepared for one or the other. Obviously, this isn't what happens to people when they move to a new town. Humans don't behave like this in modern society. In fact, a new resident in a town can often go completely unnoticed. Their new nextdoor neighbors might say "Hello" or "Welcome" while being careful not to infringe on their privacy, but that's usually the extent of it. Unlike my previous blog, the fact that this one is completely anonymous protects my identity, not that I have anything to hide other than my refusal to join the rat race. However, it's a pretty small town which is a major reason why I like it here, but if I did introduce myself it wouldn't be too hard for anyone to figure out that the only truck with Maine plates parked on the street has someone sleeping in it. This is not exactly the kind of information I want to share. I only park in town because I don't like wasting gas by commuting back and forth when I have to work. If I didn't need my tools, I'd walk to work and leave my truck wherever it was parked. I suppose I could park in one of the remote nearby areas at night and drive back and forth from now on even though this seems wasteful. I don't know. Have I trapped myself in this way of living? How do I step off this path and onto a more accessible one without selling my soul or giving up my freedom in the process? The goal has been to end my solitary existence and join something bigger than myself, but becoming just another consumer in a mindless economy is definitely not it which is another reason why I picked a place like this. I just haven't figured out the best way to go about it, yet. I set out on the first of the year to find someplace where I could see myself living for a long time and I somehow found it. I didn't even know this place existed until I got here and can understand why locals would like to keep it a secret which is why I'm still not going to use its real name. I suppose there's no rush in figuring out what the next step is. Writing about decisions before making them always helps me gain perspective. Came down from the mountains, yesterday, and parked on a remote mesa for the day. Got here, late last night. It's so peaceful and beautiful. I need to head back to town in the morning which is only about 7 miles away to see if I can find a business that allows a person to have stuff shipped there so I can buy a new laptop online and order a replacement spare key for my truck. Regardless of what comes next, I still feel pretty lucky to be here. Modern humans are the only species on the planet that ignore one another. Try being a different type of animal and walk into a pride of lions, a herd of elephants or a pack of coyotes unnoticed and see what happens. I finally want to be noticed, not out of vanity or ego, but to simply belong. Ignoring one another is not our nature. We've been trained to act this way, especially in this country, because it's much easier to manage and manipulate individuals than a united group of people who can think for themselves and work together effectively. I'm so thankful to find these beautiful places to park for the day and take a break from the road and as I look across the landscape I can feel the familiar instinct to want to engage the natural world directly. Instead, we're forced to abandon this relationship to participate in a corrupt and wasteful artificial system as a go-between to provide ourselves with our basic needs even with all this beauty around us. That's not why we're here. I want to cultivate this natural relationship, not abandon it, and I'm not afraid to work hard to do it. This is why I choose farms and fishing boats. My tribe feels the same way. March 11, 2025, the Western Slope, Colorado Grabbed a shower in town, called a customer back to line up some work for later in the week and ordered a new laptop. It'll be nice to type normally again instead of doing the one finger peck per hand like a two-headed chicken. I'm back out on the range for the night. There's no use hiding in town when I can be out here. I'm parked overlooking a canyon with the river that runs through Patagonia far below. I still haven't shaken my own canyon, but waking up out here helps. What would happen if I never went back? Well, that's not true. I'd go back. I haven't given up on people. I just can't live in the system without them which is why the natural world offers so much solace. It would be hard living out here, but I know I'd be happy. I couldn't start living like that yet even if I was crazy enough to try. I can't just leave my tiny house and tools back in missLuna's field. That wouldn't be cool. Plus, there's old family photos and other sentimental items in a bin there that I can't bring myself to part with. It always comes down to stuff. If we were part of a tribe, I bet material possessions wouldn't mean a thing. How would I go about it if I did try? I'd sell the tiny house which would get rid of my biggest material possession. I'd throw my tools and bins on a utility trailer. I'd probably keep my mountain bike and kayak so they'd come back with me, too. Then, I'd buy a dual sport motorcycle so I could leave my truck and trailer in town and explore the wilderness more easily. I could really go deep and disappear on a bike. Unless I had a place to park indefinitely, I'd have to come back once a week or so to move the truck so it didn't look abandoned. If I did have a place to leave my rig, I'd only come down from the mountains once a month or so, if that. Being clean cut and giving myself haircuts regularly would probably fall by the wayside. I know it all sounds crazy, but this is what the system does to us. It forces us to work for it so entertaining another option even one as unrealistic as this makes me feel less trapped. March 15, 2025, the Western Slope, Colorado There's a small city about 30 miles from 'Patagonia'. I use the word "city" very loosely only because it's much bigger than the three towns were I'm primarily based, but it's only about 9,500 people. I drive here to do errands every couple of weeks. It's where I grabbed a room last month. It's a bigger place and definitely more rough around the edges than the towns closer to the mountains, but there's more diversity here. Patagonia and all the neighboring towns are very white. I don't necessarily see this as a good thing. I like diversity. There's more humility here and less entitlement. Anyways, there's a really nice park on the edge of the "city" and this is where I stop to take a break from doing errands and write. As far as small city parks go, it's big. There's usually at least one guy in a canoe out on the pond and a handful of others fishing along its banks. Lots of waterfowl and people jogging or walking there dogs. It's a nice spot. As I was enjoying being here, I was reminded that whatever I decide to do I should do it out of joy rather than a negative feeling. Making a decision as an attempt to address something I don't agree with only perpetuates the negative feeling. It doesn't eliminate it. Only joy and happiness can do that. Easier said than done, I know, but it's still a good reminder. Work was a little slow this week so I had more days off than I expected which is nice to have the free time, but it can be a challenge because I like feeling productive. It maintains momentum. One thing I realized during the last couple days which is nothing to be surprised about is that I haven't had a normal, in person conversation with another human being all year. The word "normal" is always up for interpretation, but the simplest definition I'll use is a conversation where both people have chosen to talk to one another with no agenda. All my conversations have been work related. I've had a few phone calls with friends since New Year's, but that's it. The reason I'm acknowledging this is because I'm glad that it hasn't taken more of a toll on me. I'm only realizing it, now, two and a half months into the year. Even though this isn't good if my mission was to eliminate loneliness and spend more time with people, it's actually pretty good if I'm trying to become a happier person. If I can be this happy all by myself for this long, it's going to be even more enjoyable when I get the chance to spend time with others. Anyone who's ever lived on their own knows that even happiness comes with the caviot that at any given moment the floor of your life can fall out from under you leaving you up sh*t's creek, but after a while you just get used to it until something reminds you of this fact. Only sharing our lives with others remedies this way of living and I'll admit that I haven't made much progress in this area, but I'm still trying. I've been looking for places to volunteer, but haven't found any yet. I need to keep looking. Giving is better. While researching communities online the other day, I stumbled upon one in Washington state and I was intrigued for a couple days as I read more about it when I had the time. Since I've been so excited to find the area I'm in now, I was surprised that I began entertaining the idea of reaching out to them. I thought to myself, "Maybe it's too beautiful here," and I've inadvertently picked a place with the same type of white entitlement that I've been trying to escape. It's just on a smaller scale. Could my penchant for beautiful places cause this to always be a factor? I remembered how recently the concept of surrendering my big ideas and living a humbler life was something that I felt was necessary. The more I thought about reaching out to this community, I began re-evaluating my long-standing policy of first pick someplace I want to live and then second build a life there. Should I be doing it the other way around looking for the kind of people who want someone like me, first, and then go to wherever they are? Being surrounded by the natural world definitely makes me feel less alone because I'm connected to it, but the reason I haven't escaped into it completely is because human connections are just as important. These are interesting factors to consider because as psyched as I have been to be here nothing's happened socially. Did I come here just to remind myself that I can be happy and, now, I should try to take that happiness with me to a place where I am wanted and welcomed? Otherwise, I'm just playing the same ol' American game only with a prettier backdrop. I've already lived in many beautiful places. On the other hand, I have to remember that my mind will try to trick me into the same course of action that I've always taken just because it's familiar behavior even if it keeps me in a difficult state of existence. My mind is a creature of habit and doesn't care if I'm happy or lonely. My heart does. I have to be careful not to listen to the wrong one. March 18, 2025, the Western Slope, Colorado I need to decide when to head back to New England. I dread to think how bad the mice situation is in my tiny house. No matter how well a dwelling is built, those little infiltraters always seem to find a way inside once the place becomes unoccupied. It's just a matter of time and three months is plenty. Plus, I'm eager to give the exterior of the house a coat of polyurethane to make it more waterproof. Most homes have some form of siding like shingles, clapboard, stucco, etc., but all of these materials add weight which is undesirable for a mobile tiny house so I've relied on just paint while planning to give the walls another coat whenever they need one. It only takes a day to paint the whole thing, but a layer of exterior polyurethane will help even more and I can paint over it if I want to. And, I can't forget with spring approaching, it's time to start planting fruits and vegetables even if I'm just doing it in containers. More than anything, after a few months, I just get a little uneasy not being able to check my place to make sure everything's ok. I've been occasionally looking at the weather back in Montague and it's been pretty cold still, but the temperature is gradually rising. Even April can have an unexpected snow storm, but by then the worst is usually over. I'd like to change the oil and tune up the truck before making the trip back so I'm going to ask the guy who offered to let me park my tiny house on his land if I can do it there. I've been meaning to stop by his property anyways just to say "Hi." When I was looking for places to volunteer, it dawned on me that volunteering is just one form of making myself helpful to others and there's lots of ways to do this so I was going to check in with him as a friend, not a customer, to see how he's making out and offer to give him a hand. He doesn't need to pay me. At the moment, I'm sort of waiting for my laptop to arrive before heading back to civilization. I was expecting to hear from one of my customers by today, but it's cold and snowy so they're probably holding off until the weather clears. Might as well stay out here on this mesa than head back to town and feel like I need to hide. March 25, 2025, a small town in the Rockies, Colorado I have one customer who thinks it's ok to text me at 8:30 at night asking me to work the next day or he'll even text me in the morning asking me to work the same day. It isn't. I've asked him repeatedly to give me at least a day's notice, but he still hasn't grasped this concept. There have been plenty of times when he asked me to work then canceled at the last minute so unfortunately, I need to have a talk with him. Most people are super respectful and very appreciative of my time, but every once in a while I have to educate someone. It's supposed to be warm for the rest of the week so I took off after work yesterday -for a different customer, heading for a new area that I've heard about. I waited until after 6pm before leaving just in case what's his name wanted me to work today, but I didn't hear from him by then so off I went. I passed a small heard of elk on my way being careful to keep my eyes on the road. This is the first place I've ever lived where those signs "Falling Rock Zone" actually mean something. Since arriving here at the end of January, I've had to pull over in order to roll a big boulder from the middle of the road. It's a routine occurrence so you have to be careful especially at night on windy highways with steep rock faces. I had to avoid a few last night. They weren't huge, but still big enough to do damage if a vehicle hit one. I didn't want to arrive at my destination after dark because then I would miss some of the breathtaking views that driving through a new area around here offers so once the sun went down I pulled over and found a spot to park for the night. They're easy to come by on these remote wilderness roads. Spent this morning floating on my back in 100 degree water basking in the sunshine along a river in the mountains. When it got too hot, I climbed out and jumped in the river which was ice cold. As sunny as it is, today, and most days, there's still snow on the ground in a lot of spots. I got there early this morning so I had the whole place to myself for a little while. I folded up my t-shirt and placed it on a rock for a pillow as I looked up at the jagged peaks above me against the bright blue sky. Pretty lucky. Picked up a bunch of trash, beer cans and junk food wrappers before leaving as lots of people started arriving and headed down the road before noon. My laptop finally got here yesterday, but I found out the hard way, last night, that I needed an internet connection to turn it on and start using it. Duh, I forgot about that part and I had no cell reception up at the hot springs so I had to wait until I arrived back in civilization, this afternoon, before I could type this entry with a full keyboard. Woohoo, so much better. Of course when I got to town, I received a bunch of texts from that customer asking me to work today then canceling for today and asking me to work tomorrow and for the rest of the week. I don't have conversations via text so I just politely asked him what time he needed my help and nothing more. I'll talk to him in person, tomorrow. I can't complain. I'm happy to have the work, even though I've got other jobs to pick from, so I'm going to try to be gentle. He's in his 70's. I'm sure I won't be the first person to have such a conversation with him. It's quartah past 5 and still pretty warm. Might have to jump in the river, again. No hot springs down here to instantly warm me back up this time. Poor baby. March 29, 2025, a small town in the Rockies, Colorado It's the end of the day at the end of the week and I just finished the last of my projects for other people so technically I can leave, right now. This is one of the perks of life on the road. No packing required. Just go wherever I want to go. Feels pretty great. I've got a few days of driving to think and make some type of plan for when I arrive back in the field. I shouldn't stay there long. I can either line up summer work nearby and relocate locally or slowly meander my way back here. There might be another tiny house in the field when I get back. MissLuna keeps mentioning about renting out another spot to a woman she met last summer, but the woman bought her tiny house brand new and has been waiting for over a year for it to be finished so there's a chance I might not be the only one in the field when I get back which would actually be a good thing. A little company while I'm there could be nice. Anyways, stuff to think about. I've been working on a letter to mr.Finance and mr.Fireman. I haven't talked to either of them since last fall. My choice. There's no hard feelings or anything like that. I just couldn't keep feeling like an accessory to other people's mainstream life. I've got my own to live even if it doesn't fit neatly inside the box. I've felt bad about not being in touch with them, but eliminating all instances where I have to pretend to fit into a world that I don't agree with was just something I had to do. Enough time has passed to set a new precedence for our friendship. No more hiding who I am or how I live from well-off yuppie families just for the sake of politeness. It should be fine. I'm sure we'll have a few laughs and give each other sh*t. I just had to prove to them that I am serious about holding my ground and not giving in by going along with things just because personality-wise we get along so good. It's easy to put my foot down with people who I don't like very much. It's the ones who I get along with great that challenge me to assert our differences. They're living in affluent suburbia. I'm living on the road. Kinda different. Might have to head out of here by way of those hot springs and go for another dip. Not sure when I'll get a chance to experience something that nice, again. I'm going to change the oil and tune-up the truck and one of the guys I've been helping out said I could do it on his property. He still owes me a little money for some work I did last week so I'll grab that, too. Deep breath. Mission accomplished regarding one thing I set out to do on Jan.1st. On the other hand, I'm still flying solo, but if I use the homestead hauler to promote the things I believe in maybe I won't be much longer. We'll see. April 5, 2025, Lakin, Kansas It's lunchtime so I pulled over to give my truck a rest. It's been a peaceful trip so far. Avoiding the interstate and major cities was a good call. I saw some wild horses outside of Pueblo, Co, yesterday. That was pretty cool. It was their long manes and tails that gave them away. We got hit with a small snow storm as I was leaving 'Patagonia' which made me smile because that meant there would be snow on the ground at the hot springs when I arrived for my farewell dip. I tried to make myself lie there floating longer than I was inclined to seeing as I wouldn't get the chance to again until who knows when. A few guys in trucks showed up right after I got there so before I left I walked over to where they were and shot the sh*t with them for a few minutes just to force myself to get out of my own little world. Having only been there twice and being way too excited about getting to soak in the hot water in the middle of winter, I hadn't explored the pools much. The one they were in was deeper and a lot hotter so much so that one of the guys dove into the freezing river to cool off. Looked fun, but I was already dried off at that point and the road was calling. Next time. April 6, 2025, Mountain Grove, Missouri Came upon a nice quiet rest area near Cherryville, Kansas, late last night, which I was very relieved to find. Had to resort to a Walmart parking lot the previous night. In the morning, I turned in my used motor oil at their auto center from changing mine the other day so at least that was convenient. Called mr.Model, yesterday evening, while driving and we had a nice long conversation. I was seriously considering stopping in Tennessee to help him out so I thought calling first was a good way to feel this out. He's, now, renting a house in the closest town, has a new guy that he's partnered up with and they have two carpenters arriving tomorrow to do some more building so I was happy to hear that things are moving forward for him. They've already got four decks built and 4 plastic domes assembled on them. Neither of us brought up the subject of me coming down which felt a little like the elephant in the room, but I think it's all for the best. We gave it a try, last year, and that was enough. I told him that I was proud of him and he really appreciated that. Ended the call with a couple of "Love you, man"s which felt good. Called it a night at a nice, big, rest area/welcome center just outside of Paducah, KY. April 7, 2025, Huntington, West Virginia Rest area. April 8, 2025, Campbell, New York Rest area. April 9, 2025, Montague, Massachusetts Rolled into town around 4, picked up some groceries before getting home since I can, now, cook a hot meal, parked by the barn and walked over to the field to check if it was dry enough to drive up to my house. It was. Open the bay window to air the place out when I got there. It was surprisingly clean inside. No mice! Couldn't believe it. Closed the window, turned on the heat and warmed up the tiny house. Had some sushi I picked up at the grocery store for a late lunch and cracked a beer to celebrate my return (haven't had one in weeks). Rolled the wheel barrow back down the hill, filled up my two 5 gallon water jugs at the barn then opened up missLuna's bulkhead at her house and grabbed my two deep cycle batteries out of the basement. Rolled it all back up the hill. Pulled the big solar panel out from under my house where I stored it. The batteries still had a decent charge, but might as well top them off. Heat, water and power. Home sweet home. April 11, 2025, Montague, Massachusetts I could be outside sledding, right now. We got hit with a load of heavy wet snow, last night. Apparently, New England hasn't gotten the memo that it's springtime in the rest of the country, but I should catch up on some writing, instead. Maybe when I'm done. Took a nice hot bath, last night. I had to run into town, first, and get my extra propane tank filled. I never want to start the process of heating up the big 5 gallon pot of water on the stove unless I know that I have a second full tank of propane handy. It would be unpleasant if midway through a relaxing bath the heat in the tiny house turned off and I had to get out dripping wet into a cold room, but there was plenty so I didn't need the extra tank. Better safe than sorry. Since leaving last December, I realized a few things working for myself this winter. Over the years, it's always been a deliberate choice to not charge a lot of money for my services. There's been a couple of reasons for this. I've seen countless guys who I've been friends with start their own businesses and quickly become jaded and cynical. They basically end up hating people, specifically customers. I didn't want this to happen to me. These guys seem to end up miserable dreading the work they themselves chose to do. But why? Intuitively, I've always charged way less than I should because I didn't want any customer trying to make me feel like I owed them something if I charged more. "I'm paying you a lot of money so you better do a good job." Screw that. I have a strong conscience and hold myself to very high standards. I don't need a second judge in my head in the form of some nit-picking person. When I made my newest fliers this winter, I deliberately didn't mention all the experience I have. All I was looking for was straight labor work that any monkey can do. Even so, once my customers met me and learned how responsible and capable I am they'd always have me doing more than just grunt work, without increasing my pay. A lot of times, in the past, especially if the customer was a woman, they'd end up paying me extra knowing what a good deal I gave them. Not the men I did work for this winter. They nickle and dimed me right down to the last penny. Whatever, I didn't care. I was the one being generous by charging so little which is fine with me. Giving is better. What I finally realized is that the issue of working for others has got nothing to do with money. It's a matter of happiness. Unfortunately, a lot of people don't know how to make themselves happy. They think buying stuff or, in this case, paying someone to do something for them is the answer. These people think that having whatever service they're paying someone for will accomplish improving their life in some way, i.e. make them happy. Buying stuff and paying people to do things for you has got nothing to do with happiness. That's a person's ego doing the thinking. Happiness comes from the heart not the mind. If the person isn't happy before they have some work done, they're not going to be afterwards either and there's no way in heck I want to be responsible for someone else's unhappiness. There's one thing I'm good at, hard physical work. The completion of this type of task is inarguable, moving a pile of stone, filling a dumpster with trash, digging a hole, etc. There is no room for interpretation. It's either done or it isn't. Because the work I do is so simple and straightforward, there's no way a customer can blame me for the fact that the rest of their life isn't going so well. The more complicated and skilled the job becomes the more opportunity they'll have to question one thing or another. It becomes a relationship, not a job, a relationship with an unhappy person. No thanks. I enjoy going the extra mile by doing a little more than is expected because it makes me feel good and then the customer has no choice, but to be pleased. I don't make a lot of money only doing this type of work, but money has got nothing to do with happiness. I'm sure most people think I'm wrong about this, but thinking has got nothing to do with happiness either. I never got a spare key for my truck. As much as I didn't like traveling without one, after three weeks of waiting, I had to hit the road. I contacted the company who I ordered them from and they gave me a full refund blaming it on the post office. I went to the post office and filled out a missing package form before I left and of course, once I was halfway across the country I received an email stating the keys had arrived at the little shipping business that I was using as my mailing address. I called them and paid them to forward the keys to me here in Montague. It cost me more than what I originally paid, but whatever. It's better than having them just thrown away. I used fedex, this time. The customer, who was eager to be friends and have me park my tiny house on his property, pulled a disappearing act on me during the last week I was there. We'd even gone hiking together a couple weeks prior. We took my truck because his mini-van isn't four wheel drive and to get to the trails we had to do about an hour of off-roading. I was happy to drive. I like exploring new areas. Even though he's a lot older, when we got to the trail head, he mentioned how it was ok if I wanted to stop hiking at any point to rest while he went on further. I just smiled and said "Ok." He was the one who wanted to stop when we reached the end of one of the trails that afternoon and would have to cross a shallow river to keep going. All day long, he talked about getting a canoe and spending a couple days on the river this summer. Maybe we could even find some women to join us. I just nodded and said, "Ya, maybe." When I did some more work for him the following week which was much more than manual labor, he couldn't pay me all that he owed me. I thought he didn't have enough on him and all he needed to do was run to the atm, but a week later he was still avoiding me. After we went hiking, he kept saying how he was going to give me gas money because it turned out to be a longer drive than we thought, but he never did. I didn't care. It was just weird that he kept mentioning it. He told me that if I ever wanted to work on my truck I could do it at his place, but when I texted him a couple times after finishing all my other jobs and wanted to tune-up my truck before heading back east, he never responded. Crickets. I was eager to hit the road so I wasn't going to twiddle my thumbs waiting for him so I just worked on it at a remote spot out on the mesa. I even rotated the tires. I'm a nutjob. Days went by and still no word from him. As much as I didn't want to, I even drove by his place, but the gate was closed and his mini-van was gone. I finally heard from him on Thursday evening, got my money and headed for the hot springs that night. He apologized for not getting back to me quicker and was hoping I'd do some work for him that weekend, but I was all set. Something didn't feel right. Well, I'm back beside the big sugar maple safe and sound. All and all, I don't think the trip could've gone much better. Ok, I'm still on my own so that hasn't changed, but it was a success on a lot of other levels. My truck was very good to me. Pretty thankful about that. I'm going to do some more work to it, now, that I have a place to do it. No new tiny houses up here in the field so it's still pretty quiet. I never told missButterfly I was coming back. She called a lot this winter and we talked a few times, but I eventually stopped calling her back. She'd always say in her voicemails "Call me back if you feel like it", but if I didn't she'd get upset and call more or email so I agreed to one final conversation which was very nice than I just stopped responding all together. I didn't like having to do this, but I felt like I had to. One thing I've started doing recently as I headed eastward riding a pretty good high was that I'm paying less attention to all the distractions of this world in the form of other drivers, businesses, billboards and, of course, my phone when I use it. I've always made a clear distinction between the world we humans have created and the natural world that Mother Nature provides. I'm sure lots of other outdoorsy people do this, too, but during the last week I've been more deliberate about not even looking at all the artificial things that litter this Earth. If we've created a world that does not make us happy, everything trying to get my attention is an attempt to take something from me. Everything. If I'm already happy then not allowing myself to be distracted and sucked into someone else's thoughts or tricks, allows me to maintain this happiness. It's clearer to see, now. Spending enough time in such a small town where life is simpler surrounded by so much beauty with weather that even though it was winter was much gentler helped me see a lot of simple facts about all of our lives that most of us have gotten used to a long time ago. I have to be careful now that I'm back here because I'm alone and outnumbered, but it's been a few days, the honeymoon hasn't ended and I'm still psyched about life. I can't look to an unhappy world and expect to keep this going. It's inside me. It's not out there. It's just easier to see when one's daily life is quieter with a more peaceful pace than the hurried one here, or in other crowded areas of the country. My opinion regarding how people drive back east is no mystery, but beyond this, there's something else going on in our society everywhere. This is what I have to keep a clear perspective on. On a side note, the bright sunny days in southern Missouri and Kentucky were uplifting with the onset of spring, bright green grass and flowers budding and though it may sound odd to some people I was relieved and relaxed to find the nice rest areas I came across to park for the night. Living on the road especially during the winter when the temperatures are going to be below 40 degrees, but above 20, requires me to crack my windows just a little bit before going to sleep. This prevents them from fogging up thus giving away the fact that there's someone sleeping in the vehicle. At a rest area, I don't need to worry about this because that's what rest areas are for, resting. There was a lot of flooding in that part of the U.S. recently. Avoiding the interstate and taking secondary highways, at times, it felt like I was driving across lakes where fields and farmland had been. I hope everyone manages to get through it ok. Never heard back from the farmer I was supposed to meet up with. Oh ya, the last thing I did before saying good-bye to 'Patagonia' was I stuck one of my little cards up on the community bulletin board downtown. It'll probably get covered up soon enough. That location gets used a lot and is over flowing with full page fliers, but I felt like I should, at least, leave something behind in case I do make it back there. Maybe I'll make some new friends, next time. April 18, 2025, Montague, Massachusetts It was in the 20's last night. Spring is certainly taking it's time getting here, but it was very sunny today so that's promising. I crushed my list of errands this afternoon and got back to the field just before dark. One of them was to put up new fliers in the usual spots. I sent an email to a nearby farm who is looking for help this season earlier in the week, but I doubt I'll hear back from them. I'm definitely qualified for the job, but I don't think I'm woke enough for them. On their website, the farm manager who seems to be the one doing the hiring felt it was relevant to mention that she is "queer" and specifying what pronouns one prefers to be called seems necessary for everyone working there. I care about all people, but I don't care about a person's sexual or pronoun preference. Of course, I didn't mention any of this in my cover letter, but this is exactly why I probably won't hear from them. My lack of mentioning that I'm onboard with these non-farm related matters probably didn't score me any points. Oh well, hence putting up fliers. I think working for myself is a better option any ways. I've got plenty of projects to keep me busy so as long as I have a little money coming in consistently I can chip away at them. I got my spare keys, which arrived last weekend, cut at one of the local hardware stores when I was there putting up my fliers. They didn't even charge me. That was nice of them because it would've cost over 100 bucks at a dealership. Picked up some starter potatoes at the farm store which also got a flier so I have some planting to do. Took down some big tree limbs that broke off this winter for missLuna, yesterday. She asked if I wanted to grab a beer and burger afterwards so we went to the People's Pint in Greenfield. It was fun. Met a few more locals. We even had a long talk about her German shepherd which went very well, even had a few laughs about it. We, also, talked about having some bonfire music get-togethers here on the property this summer. I suppose the big news is that there is another tiny house parked down by the barn at the moment. It arrived last night. Either missLuna or myself will eventually tow it up into the field where the woman who owns it would like it parked. I've haven't interacted with the woman much, but it doesn't sound like she'll be moving in anytime soon. The guy who was supposed to build it for her never finished so she got tired of waiting for him and paid a towing service to bring it here, 4 hours away, as is. It looks pretty good from the outside. The roof, wood siding and windows are all done. The only problem is that there are no stairs leading up to the front door so entering the building will be a little tricky until there are. Not sure what the inside looks like. I have a feeling I might have some carpentry work offered to me in the near future. It'll be interesting to see how it all plays out. April 20, 2025, Montague, Massachusetts I just dumped a cup of water mixed with chopped garlic and chili pepper all over the entrance of a hole in the ground along the edge of the field near my big solar panel. Had to do it. A family of foxes moved in while I was away and for the first few days I got back the vixen kept me up all night screeching. That racket has seemed to have quieted down to some degree lately, but now the little ones are running around under my house at night making all kinds of rukus not to mention pooping everywhere in my yard. It was crazy windy last night so I laid down my solar panel in the grass so it didn't blow over and this morning there were tiny little paw prints all over the glass. I've got nothing against foxes. Actually, I've always liked them, but working on as many farms as I have over the years, I've had plenty of interactions with them some positive, some not. The real reason they need to go is that I'm seriously considering getting some chickens and the feathers scattered all over the field and around the entrance to the hole are an indication of what will happen if I do. Last night, I researched how to get foxes to relocate and apparently they hate chili pepper and garlic. Chasing them like a fool every time I've seen them hasn't done the trick which lately has been a couple times a day. There's always the much more final way of ridding myself of them, but I'd hate to do that. Although, one even tried to get missLuna's cat right off her front porch with missLuna sitting there, but her German shepherd finally did something useful and chased it off. The verdict is they've got to go. We're surrounded by endless woods so it won't be too difficult for them to find a new den site. I had another visitor, too. Big surprise. She found out that I was back in town by driving by here the other day and saw my truck parked by the barn, she later confessed, so she just decided to show up here unannounced, yesterday afternoon. It's great how she's learned to respect my boundaries and privacy. I haven't seen her since last August and stopped returning her calls this winter. I was in the woods behind missLuna's house cutting up the big tree limbs that I took down the other day with my chainsaw and happened to notice a little blue suv parked at the barn which looked a lot like missButterfly's. With the arrival of the additional tiny house, there's been a lot of new vehicles coming and going lately along with the frequent car parked in missLuna's driveway of her clients. She does some type of energy body work to people with physical ailments, not sure what it's called. Anyways, I naively told myself that it couldn't be missButterfly's car and kept working. She wouldn't just show up here especially after I've told her to stop doing that so many times. Wrong again. She even made herself comfortable chatting it up with missLuna and the woman who owns the new tiny house for a little while before making her way over to where I was working which is when I happen to look up and saw her. Girl's got nerve. I just kept working until she walked up close enough that it would have been rude if I didn't stop. I honestly thought I was done with this. As I'm typing, right now, I'm realizing that I don't even want to continue by putting anymore energy into the matter. I am done with it. She's just going to have to accept this, the easy way or the hard way. I've got more important things to focus on like finding work, finishing my tiny house and chipping away at the book. I need to invest my energy into positive things that are going to improve my life. I use this blog like a tool, it being the only sounding board that I have, but I'd, also, like it to be something that others who are trying to do the right thing in there own lives can relate to. I don't want it to just be the self-absorbed ramblings of one person, but, also, a reminder to other people who don't have a sounding board either to know that they're not the only ones, even if they feel like they are. April 21, 2025, Montague, Massachusetts I might be at a crossroads. It's 3:45pm on a Monday and some ding-dong is supposed to get back to me about a job that he wants to start tomorrow morning, but I haven't heard from him, yet. It's not a big job and seems pretty straightforward. He wants a new deck built on his house which shouldn't take too long. First, the old deck needs to be removed. That's the easy part. Anyways... -I sent him an email on Friday night about the job and then followed up with a text late Saturday morning. -He texted me back on Saturday night with a couple questions which I promptly responded to then crickets. -Sunday afternoon via another text, he apologized for not getting back to me quicker and said that he'd like to use me for the job and would call me after 5pm that night, but never did. -I sent him another text around lunchtime, today, to confirm seeing as he wanted me to start in the morning, but he never responded. I'm not complaining. I'm just using this as a typical example of how a lot of normal exchanges go these days. The technological advances in communication that have been made in the last few decades is pretty astounding from cell phones and emailing to texting and video chatting, yet we seem to be getting worse at communicating, not better. Completely ignoring another person even when you are the one who initiated the conversation has become common practice. I, you, we can't take this personal. Who knows what the individual is dealing with in their life, but the real question is "When do we draw the line?" I'm not a big fan of texting except for basic communication like "What time do you want to meet?" I prefer talking on the phone or speaking in person especially if I need to look at something specific like, in this example, a job location, but I try to be flexible because sometimes people's lives are busy and texting is just easier for them. However, when do I draw the line? In regards to my present example, if I don't hear from the guy by 6pm tonight, I'm not taking the job. The inconsistency in the correspondence is only an indication of how working with this person will be moving forward. A lot of my customers have been very respectful of my time, but those who aren't are becoming more frequent. This is how a lot of people who work for themselves become jaded. The more specific question for anyone who's self-employed is "When do I draw the line between taking any job regardless of the circumstances because any work is work and not taking a job because the customer is rude or a headache?" keeping in mind that the first factor in this decision is often how bad the person needs the money because sadly money is what makes this artificial world go round, not our personal standards regarding how people should treat one another. The crossroads that I'm at, right now, is a very real decision that every person living in modern society eventually has to make. I've continually navigated around this issue in increments over the years and have always managed to still work jobs that I believe in, some more than others. Farming and commercial fishing, depending on where I'm living, have typically been my first choice in the types of jobs I prefer because I believe in providing people with food, the healthier the better, and this belief is reflected as a value because I live by it. Whenever I've entertained many of the different versions of working for myself I've come up with over the years, what always stopped me was the fact that the world doesn't need more of whatever I was considering making or building, not like it needs food. This made it clear to me how backwards our values as a society are because starting any business was about making money, not making whatever I decided to make in order to make money. It's absurd. For someone who needs to believe in what they're doing, this tapped me of the motivation required to contrive a business out of thin air. The first thing any job in America, or other First World country, serves is the system, specifically the monetary system. We, all, must serve this system with the jobs we do. Everything else comes second and often things of real value come somewhere much further down the list. For me, choosing to work on farms has been a huge disadvantage to my personal success in this world because I make very little money at it not to mention there's no such thing as overtime, a retirement plan or health benefits despite the fact that farming is about providing people with an absolute necessity, food. This is pretty messed up, but I've believed in it so I've made these sacrifices for a long time. I'll confess that this spring is unusual because I haven't put a lot of effort into finding a new farm job this season. Today when I was doing laundry, at a laundromat which is always lovely around here, I thought about working for myself in a different way instead of working for customers doing labor and construction like I have been this winter so I don't have to continually deal with nutjobs like this guy who can't seem to pick up the phone and get his act together. I revisited the idea of building and selling the little yurts I designed a few years ago. If the kind of work I find was loading and stacking hay all day, I'd love it and have patience for days versus stuff like building decks which is very boring to me so I suppose the type of work is, also, another factor. There's a little more exercise in building my yurt kits because when I sell them I have to lift and load the walls, floor and roof sections onto a trailer and then possibly set them up, too, and they're pretty heavy. I'd still be dealing with customers, but not as much. No, the world doesn't need more yurts so I'm right back at this dilemma of meeting an artificial demand versus an actual need. This is the crossroads that I guess I should confess I've been avoiding my whole adult life. The fact is I'm trapped in this system like everyone else. I've never denied this even though I live much differently than most people, but I've, also, never dealt with the matter head on. Working on farms and fishing boats has been my way of deferring this issue to whoever I was working for so I don't have to deal with the business of living in this monetary system directly. All I had to be responsible for was showing up on time everyday and kicking butt. I'd always go above and beyond maybe even to subconsciously address the fact that I knew I was avoiding a direct relationship with this dysfunctional and corrupt system of ours while the person I was working for had to maintain such a relationship, but they were the ones making a lot more money than me so I justified it. Often, getting paid so little was another way I rationalized my avoidance. Maybe it's time I accepted it like every other person who runs their own business and, for that matter, like every other person living in this system should. There's dirt on all our hands and not the kind that washes off easily. Ignorance is only bliss for those who choose to be ignorant. I've been slow and stubborn to admit defeat. The system won before I was even born, but the day still had to come when I'd have to own this reality. It's taken a lot longer for me to concede this than it does for most. Having no dental or healthcare just came with the territory, but not starting a family like I've always wanted has been the biggest sacrifice I've made. By not having these things, I've been able to last this long and technically can continue to. I'm still healthy and fit, but there's a reason I'm rambling on and on about all this today. One thing that has crossed my mind recently is the difference between beliefs and values. Similar to joy and happiness , these terms are easily interchangeable, but from now on I am going to distinguish them clearly. A belief is something that a person thinks about in their mind and maybe even talks about in their life. A value is something that a person lives by. A value is the act of living according to one's beliefs, not just talking about them. Saying one thing, but doing another is not sound or honest. Reality is the difference between ideas and action, between serving one's mind versus serving one's heart . I have to be careful because I shouldn't assume that all beliefs and values are positive. A person can have bad values even if they live according to them, but to be a true value it has to be sound. It has to be grounded in the truth, not simply an advantageous course of action based on a valueless system. On a side note without getting into it too much, I will say that I was kind to missButterfly when she came by the other day, but I did not give her what she wanted. Moving forward, I'm just going to have to be firmer. She has a lot of tricks up her sleeves whether she realizes it or not, but they are very obvious to me. April 22, 2025, Montague, Massachusetts A quiet and beautiful day up in the field. It was in the 70's, today. Made a to-do list and got it all done. Nothing crazy. Just plugging away. Never heard back from that guy about the deck job. Big surprise. I know everyone has similar stories about people just disappearing, flaking out or even worse in their dealings with strangers online or through texting. Try selling something on fb marketplace. It's not pretty. The customer is definitely not always right. I'm done herding cats. The honeymoon of being back and surviving winter has lessened a little, but still hasn't ended, yet. I'm eager for work, but there's lots I can do without spending any money so that's what I'm getting done. Once I make enough progress, I'll focus on tracking down some more work. I'm very lucky because of how I've composed my life that I can take my time like this. Pried open my "maintenance free" deep cycle batteries and added distilled water to them. They took half of a gallon which is a fair amount for only two batteries. They're charging great, now. I'll have to start doing this more than once a year. Broke out the chainsaw, again, and blazed three different paths through the thick brush and thorn bushes leading to all the holes of the fox den, this afternoon. I could still hear the little ones running around just outside my window, last night, and I got plenty of glimpses of them during the day, too. I don't know how many there are, but they're pretty darn cute, right now. They're going to grow up into little predators very quickly though so I'm doing this in stages. The garlic and chilli pepper apparently wasn't enough. I'm sure the sound of the chainsaw, today, was terrifying so hopefully mom and dad will be finished preparing their new den somewhere else very soon. I'll give them another day before I do anything else. Now that I have easy access to all three den entrances, it won't be hard to take further action to encourage them to leave. MissLuna and the woman who owns the new tiny house both have mentioned in passing the idea of me working on her tiny house for her, but she's only been here that one day which was the same day missButterfly showed up so I still haven't really gotten a chance to talk to her. I'm sure the opportunity will present itself eventually which will be convenient work-wise requiring no commute. Slow, steady and thankful at the moment. April 30, 2025, Holyoke, Massachusetts Drove down here to check out a farm, this evening. I like to see a place before I inquire about working there. The other reason I drove down here is that the woman who's parking her tiny house beside the barn was pitching a tent in the woods right near my house and for some reason I did not want to be there, tonight. Her tiny house is not livable yet so apparently she's going to be living out of her tent until it is. I just didn't realize how close to my place the spot she had picked out was going to be. It caught me off guard. I've gotten use to having the little area at the top of the field all to myself. Taking a drive to check out this farm which is something I've been thinking about doing for a couple days was a good way to give me some perspective on the situation. After giving it some thought, I realized the fact that missLuna and this new woman, who seemed to have become buddies, haven't talked to me about any of this is why it felt a little off. I'm just the guy who's very helpful, but keeps to himself so I guess they didn't think it was necessary. Since I moved here two years ago, MissLuna's had a few people renting a room in her house, but only for short periods of time because none of them worked out. While they were here, it never had any impact on my life because they parked in her driveway and lived in her house. I park across the road by the barn and live way up in the field so we had no interaction. One woman started getting in the habit of walking up to my place to visit me which I had mixed feelings about, but things didn't work out between her and missLuna so she wasn't here long. This new situation is a little different because the woman's tiny house is parked next to the barn where I used to park my truck and now she's living right beside me. I can squeeze my truck between her tiny house and the barn, but I offered that spot to her seeing as that's where she's going to be living, or so I thought. As it turned out, I lost my parking spot and I, now, have a very close new neighbor. It's not a huge deal. I just need to ask to speak to them both so I know what's going on. I believe in community and a big part of having a strong one is keeping everyone in the loop especially when it's only three people. May 1, 2025, Montague, Massachusetts After I drove by the farm last night which seems tidy and well cared for, I responded to their online job posting and decided to stay in Holyoke in case they wanted me to come by this morning. I parked in a big hospital parking lot which was nice and quiet and climbed in the backseat. #mlr Didn't get much sleep. It wasn't very comfortable with the seats back in. I couldn't stretch my legs all the way out -wah, but crashing in the truck for the night gave me the option of driving over there this morning and introducing myself in person which shows a prospective employer that I have initiative and often separates me from all the other applicants. A lot of times, they hire me right on the spot, but I'm trying not to force things so I decided to let them contact me if they're interested and drove back to Montague late morning. It's a tough call. I like being able to make my own schedule by working for myself even though I haven't found much lately, but I can always put up more fliers and stop by some places. MissLuna asked me to paint her house which I declined. I painted in the summers during college and didn't really enjoy it, but I know how to do it. Shortly after she asked, my conscience got the best of me and I offered to paint any especially high areas of her house that she didn't feel comfortable climbing up on a ladder to reach so that's now on my to-do list and it seems pretty clear that they both want me to help finish my new neighbor's tiny house so that's work, too, if I want it. The only problem is that none of this gives me any exercise. The farm job would. Blah, blah, blah. I've planted all my vegetables, did a little work to the truck, finished wiring one side of the tiny house trailer and the other side is almost done. ~Later~ The owner of the farm called this afternoon and asked me to come by for an interview so that's progress. He's looking to fill a few different positions one of them is for a part-time farm laborer, my kind of work. No wonder I'm perpetually poor. My challenge is going to be not to take one of the other higher paying jobs which he'll most likely offer me. The farm is about 30 miles from here so commuting everyday is not an option hence crashing in my truck, last night. Working three days in a row then heading back to Montague for the other four would be perfect, but I hate disappointing people. In order to land a job, an applicant has to convince the employer that they are ready, willing and able to work, more so than anyone else. A part time employee is simply not as vital to an operation as a full time one with more responsibility so it's not exactly in my best interest to tell him that I only want the part time gig, but on the other hand I have no desire to work the summer away sleeping in my truck 5 days a week. Looking for a spot near the farm to park my tiny house could be an option if I get my butt in gear and make it road worthy which is very doable. I could even lighten the load for its maiden voyage by leaving some of my heavier tool bins here and coming back for them with just the truck. Well, I guess I have options which is good. May 2, 2025, Montague, Massachusetts My interview for the farm job was supposed to be on Monday, but the owner called this morning and asked if I could come by tomorrow instead (Saturday). We had a nice conversation on the phone so I'm looking forward to meeting him. He's 75 and grew up on the farm. As I thought about the opportunity more last night, I began to entertain the idea of working full time and putting in a lot of hours all summer so I'll have enough money to spend on finishing the tiny house as well as have plenty saved up by the end of the season, that is, as long as he can guarantee me a good workout. I went by the farm that I worked on last summer, today, to say "Hi." Mrs.Farmer gave me a great recommendation this winter when the organic soil company in Colorado called them. I figured there's a good chance the farmer in Holyoke might call, too, so I wanted to let them know that I'm back in town. I bought some eggs from them even though I already have a full dozen in the cooler. I just wanted to give them some business. It was pretty sunny, today, combined with it being a Friday so there were lots of customers coming and going at the farm stand and others getting loads of manure up on the hill so I didn't want to take up too much of their time, but I'm glad we got to catch up a little. Mr.Farmer was there, too. MissButterfly called, again, yesterday morning after I got back from Holyoke. The conversation went well. It was the second time we've spoken since she showed up here unannounced a couple weeks ago. She called last week as well and I agreed to meet and talk some more, even though I didn't really want to. She assumed that she could just come over to my house, but I told her that I'd meet her somewhere instead so she gave me directions to a nearby pond hidden back in the woods. She grew up here and knows lots of cool spots and road her bike there. She called again, today, but I missed it so it went to voicemail. I guess I need to be firmer. I'm just trying to be kind without going backwards. If the conversation is only a few minutes, I'm fine and can easily hold my ground while being caring and compassionate, but she's good at making things last a lot longer when we meet in person so after a couple of hours of being in the company of a woman who wants to be with me my defenses get weakened. I still didn't give in and allow anything to happen, but it's good that I've realized that by giving her this much time it makes it harder for me to be firm. I'm going to keep this in mind for the future. She doesn't stand a chance on the phone. Like I said, I don't think she realizes all of her strategies, but she still uses them. I'm only writing about it because documenting when I learn something new is helpful. She learned a lot, too. Tears were shed, but it allowed her to see that she's still not over the loss of her husband. As forward as she's been about trying to get with me, it was surprising to hear her admit this, but it makes perfect sense. I'm the only man that's ever made her feel safe and loved like he did, but it's him that she's still hanging onto, not me. I just represent the feeling. She still tried to get me to come over to her house when we were done talking, but I passed. I'm hoping she'll just let me be. She's got an amazing life. Every time I talk to her, she's either going to or coming back from a get together with friends, pot-lucks, parties or rock climbing trips. I'm pretty jealous actually. Her father is remodeling the ground floor of her house to give her kids another bedroom. I have absolutely no social life, but I need friends, not drama. I'm learning that when I feel awful about disappointing someone, what I'm feeling isn't coming from me. The other person is the one feeling bad, but I absorb it. My oldest recollection of this feeling is the unhealthy relationship I had with my father growing up, and still do unfortunately. Despite having a good paying job, a beautiful wife and two healthy boys, he wasn't a happy person. His father died when he was ten years old so he grew up poor in Boston without a dad. He was very responsible, paid his bills on time and kept the same job for 40 years, but he was, also, an alcoholic. I ran away many times as a kid. I never went far or was gone very long, but I did it a lot and always felt awful about it. I didn't understand what I was running away from then. Now, I do and can see that it wasn't my responsibility to make him happy. No one can make another person happy . I've since realized that it's a familiar dynamic so I've probably unknowingly found myself able to relate to people carrying something traumatic inside them having grown up with such a person. Another memory of the same feeling was when I was breaking up with a girlfriend a long time ago. Looking back, there was absolutely no difference in how that felt from the relationship I had with my father. She had a very difficult childhood, too, that she didn't talk about much, but I knew enough to know that it wasn't good. While we were breaking up, she simultaneously jumped into a new relationship and started a family with the guy soon after. MissButterfly had the love of her life ripped away from her in a tragic accident with her young children at the scene as well. Every time we speak, she thanks me for my strength and insight so I'm glad that I can help. There's a lot more I could do and it's not easy refraining from it, but it's impossible for me to get more involved without her and the children getting hurt in the end when I leave. I have to be responsible for both of us because I'm on my own here and can't allow myself to be used by someone who doesn't fully understand why she behaves the way she does. She still has a lot more support and distractions than I do. I asked her to stop constantly inviting me to do things with her and the kids for reasons I've already explained and she's agreed as well as to stop showing up here unannounced. I told her that unlike a lot of people who experience trauma, I believe she has the tools and intelligence to overcome it by making healthier decisions to create a happy life for herself and the kids. I'm glad I got to talk with her on the phone, yesterday, because I said some things the other day that I still don't feel good about, but they had to be said. I told her that wanting someone and caring about them are not the same thing. And, I told her that I am not the answer to her problems. That wasn't easy to say or hear, but she said that she had a good week since we spoke and she's starting to understand that not jumping back into what she's been trying to get me to do is the right decision. That being said, taking the job in Holyoke and moving down there might be a good idea. As for me, I need to learn when I'm falling into my old patterns. Here I am complaining about loneliness all the time then when someone moves in next to me like two nights ago, I immediately take off. I was fully aware of this as I was doing it and even recalled the paragraph from The Continuum Concept that applies to this behavior. "Further, he expects that the experiences that cue him will have a direct and usable bearing upon the situations he will encounter later in life. When his later experiences do not correspond in character to the ones that conditioned him, he tends to influence them to acquire that character, for better or for worse. If he is accustomed to loneliness, he will unconsciously arrange his affairs to assure him a similar level of loneliness. Attempts on his own part, or of circumstances, to make him less lonely than is customary will be resisted by his tendency towards stability." (The Continuum Concept, p.39, pdf version) I still think taking off was the right call in this instance, but I did stop, sit on my tailgate and consider these very ideas before I left. A middle ground between isolation and feeling crowded can be found. Stopping myself like I did is how to find it. My new neighbor wasn't here when I got back and has been gone for the past two days so I'm not sure how much she'll be here. I don't want to get ahead of myself, but another reason to take the job might be helpful regarding orbitlessness . Being alone all the time, trying to chase down short term jobs, working on my tiny house, writing the book, etc. provides me with no healthy resistance. It relies solely on my initiative. Making a daily commitment creates consistency in my life outside of myself. This is a good thing. May 3, 2025, Montague, Massachusetts Well, I'm employed again. During the interview, I repeated many times that I like to be active rather than sitting on a tractor all day or laying on my back fixing one so hopefully I'll get a workout. I was, also, upfront about my living situation and told him that I'll be looking for some land near the farm to rent. It's only about a 35 minute drive from here which I'm sure plenty of people make as a commute everyday, but I never will so I may ask if I can only do 3 days a week until I find a spot. That way I'll only have to crash in my truck for two nights then I can drive back on the third. Posted an ad online, this afternoon, for some land to rent and made up some fliers that I'll post around town near the farm on Monday after work. Anyways, I've got a steady gig. It'll be good to buy what I need to finish the tiny house without having to worry about money. Hopefully, the job will work out. This is a work of fiction. All names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are the product of the author's imagination and are used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.