last updated 3.11.25

March 10, 2025, the Rockies, Colorado Took off after work, grabbed a pizza on my way out of town then headed for the snow capped mountains. I could do this indefinitely. I'm making money, getting a work out, it's beautiful here and there are plenty of wide open spaces to escape to on my days off. I even found a couple local businesses where you can pay for a shower. Pretty psyched about that. The only problem is I'm still completely alone. For a long time, I've repeatedly promised myself that this is something I'm going to change. It's the major reason why I left where I was. In my previous situation, the obstacle was that living in a place where I didn't want to be made mustering the motivation to network and meet new people pointless. This is no longer the case. It's my choice to be here and I really like it. The hesitation caused by knowing in the back of my mind that I want to leave is now gone which is why I need to figure out the next step. I suppose there is one other factor that might be preventing me from meeting more people. I don't actually live anywhere, yet. I'm just floating around the area. This is allowing me to save money which is good, but it's, also, keeping me in limbo and that's no way to put down roots. I almost introduced myself to Patagonia, this week, by putting up some small cards around town that I made with the name of this website printed on them in the lower corner in very small letters. For a place with only a population of about 1,400 people (a typical NFL stadium seats 70,000), there are a lot of posters, fliers and event announcements all around town in store windows, on bulletin boards, at coffee shops, etc. There's lots going on here so it wouldn't be hard to tuck my little card in among them, but something stopped me. It felt too contrived like I was taking fate into my own hands. Maybe I should let it happen organically. I'm not sure. I've traveled from place to place for years battling loneliness while anonymously writing about my experiences and everything I've learned secretly hoping I'll someday find my tribe. This can't happen if they don't know where I am or who I am. When I traveled on foot in my previous blog, it was much easier to meet people because a person carrying a big backpack along the road stands out and is easy to spot. People who have done their own fair share of backpacking immediately recognize you as a like-minded person. Living out of my truck especially in stealth mode like I am allows me to blend in and not stand out. Then there are the vanlifers who seem to be everywhere these days. They're very noticeable which is fine when a person is traveling, but I've been there, done that. I'm finally trying to stay put. Mr.Producer called out of the blue the other day and we had another marathon conversation and he insisted that I create a social media account, but I can't bring myself to join that insanity. This is why I considered tacking these little cards up on the community bulletin boards around town and finally allowing myself to be discovered. Not in the way someone goes to Hollywood, New York or Nashville to be discovered, I'm all set with that, but in the way a lone wolf allows a potentially new pack to discover them. This is a little scary for the wolf because the pack may either kill it or welcome it and the only way to find this out is to take a leap of faith and be prepared for one or the other. Obviously, this isn't what happens to people when they move to a new town. Humans don't behave like this in modern society. In fact, a new resident to a town can often go completely unnoticed. Their nextdoor neighbors might say "Hello" or "Welcome" while being careful not to infringe on their privacy, but that's usually the extent of it. Unlike my previous blog, the fact that this one is completely anonymous protects my identity, not that I have anything to hide other than my refusal to join the rat race. However, it's a pretty small town which is a major reason why I like it here, but if I did introduce myself it wouldn't be too hard for anyone to figure out that the only truck with Maine plates parked on the street has someone sleeping in it. This is not exactly the kind of information I want to share. I only park in town because I don't like wasting gas by commuting back and forth when I have to work. If I didn't need my tools, I'd walk to work and leave my truck wherever it was parked. I suppose I could park in one of the remote nearby areas at night and drive back and forth from now on even though this seems wasteful. I don't know. Have I trapped myself in this way of living? How do I step off this path and onto a more accessible one without selling my soul or giving up my freedom in the process? The goal has been to end my solitary existence and join something bigger than myself, but becoming just another consumer in a mindless economy is definitely not it which is another reason why I picked a place like this. I just haven't figured out the best way to go about it, yet. I set out on the first of the year to find someplace where I could see myself living for a long time and I somehow found it. I didn't even know this place existed until I got here and can understand why locals would like to keep it a secret which is why I'm still not going to use its real name. I suppose there's no rush in figuring out what the next step is. Writing about decisions before making them always helps me gain perspective. Came down from the mountains, yesterday, and parked on a remote mesa for the day. Got here, late last night. It's so peaceful and beautiful. I need to head back to town in the morning which is only about 7 miles away to see if I can find a business that allows a person to have stuff shipped there so I can buy a new laptop online and order a replacement spare key for my truck. Regardless of what comes next, I still feel pretty lucky to be here. Modern humans are the only species on the planet that ignore one another. Try being a different type of animal and walk into a pride of lions, a herd of elephants or a pack of coyotes unnoticed and see what happens. I finally want to be noticed, not out of vanity or ego, but to simply belong. Ignoring one another is not our nature. We've been trained to act this way, especially in this country, because it's much easier to manage and manipulate individuals than a united group of people who can think for themselves and work together effectively. I'm so thankful to find these beautiful places to park for the day and take a break from the road and as I look across the landscape I can feel the familiar instinct to want to interact with the natural world directly. Instead, we're forced to abandon this relationship to participate in a corrupt and wasteful artificial one as a go-between to provide ourselves with our basic needs even with all this beauty around us. In my opinion, that's not why we're here. I want to cultivate this natural relationship, not abandon it, and I'm not afraid to work hard to do it. This is why I choose farms and fishing boats. My tribe feels the same way. March 11, 2025, the Western Slope, Colorado Grabbed a shower in town, called a customer back to line up some work for later in the week and ordered a new laptop. It'll be nice to type normally again instead of doing the one finger peck per hand like a two-headed chicken. I'm back out on the range for the night. There's no use hiding in town when I can be out here. I'm parked overlooking a canyon with the river that runs through Patagonia far below. I still haven't shaken my own canyon, but waking up out here definitely helps. What would happen if I never went back? Well, that's not true. I'd go back. I haven't given up on people. I just can't live in the system without them which is why the natural world offers so much solace. It would be hard living out here, but I know I'd be happy. I couldn't start living like that yet even if I was crazy enough to try. I can't just leave my tiny house and tools back in missLuna's field. That wouldn't be cool. Plus, there's old family photos and other sentimental items in bins there that I can't bring myself to part with. It always comes down to stuff. If we were part of a tribe, I bet material possessions wouldn't mean a thing. How would I go about it if I did try? I'd sell the tiny house which would get rid of my biggest material possession. I'd throw my tools and bins on a utility trailer. I'd probably keep my mountain bike and kayak so they'd come back with me, too. Then, I'd buy a dual sport motorcycle so I could leave my truck and trailer in town and explore the wilderness more easily. I could really go deep and disappear on a bike. Unless I had a place to park indefinitely, I'd have to come back once a week or so to move the truck so it didn't look abandoned. If I did have a place to leave my rig, I'd only come down from the mountains once a month or so, if that. Being clean cut and giving myself haircuts regularly would probably fall by the wayside. I know it all sounds crazy, but this is what the system does to us. It forces us to work for it so entertaining another option even one as unrealistic as this makes me feel less trapped. Previous posts 2016 2017 2018 2019 2020 2021 2022 2023 2024 January 2, 2025, Unadilla, New York Not wanting to jinx myself, I'm reluctant to confess how happy I am, right now. Only took a year to get back here...mentally, that is. Physically, I have no idea where I am. Well, I can find it on a map, but other than that, I don't know much more about this area. I'm just passing through on my way to someplace a little warmer, at least, for a day or two so I can regroup and decide where to head to next. I have a lot to catch up on, but I'm going to have to wait until I'm out of this weather so I can take my time and do it properly. The short version is that the end of 2024 was dangerously bad, but I got lucky and realized that staying where I was had a lot to do with this. A lot of self-help circles claim that "the geographical cure" is not a cure at all, but rather a perpetuation of the same problem with a different backdrop and honestly I can't argue with this, but there's an exception to every rule so maybe for someone who's been traveling for decades and been to every state in the country except Hawaii leaving where I felt trapped could be part of a solution. If how I feel is any indication, it might be true, but once the honeymoon of being at the beginning of another adventure wears off then we shall see. January 4, 2025, Winchester, Kentucky Hit two snow storms, yesterday, gave the truck a bath at a self-serve car wash in Portsmouth, OH, this afternoon, skirted along the western slopes of the Appalachians in a diagonally southern direction, this evening, and I'm relieved to be in Kentucky, tonight. Regroup time, tomorrow. January 5, 2025, Crossville, Tennessee Woke up to another snow storm, so I had to head further south to get out of the kind of winter weather I'm trying to escape. The snow finally turned to rain, late this afternoon, near Williamsburg, KY. The trip's been enjoyable so far. I've avoided the interstate as much as possible staying on secondary highways and country roads then at night I'll look on my atlas for a rest area on a nearby expressway, hop on the interstate 1, park there for the night then hop back off at the next exit in the morning. Last night, I had to resort to plan B and park at a Holiday Inn Express because some creep decided to park next to me at the empty rest area I had picked out for the night. We were the only two vehicles there and initially they had parked down the other end, but then decided to back all the way up and stop right in front of my truck. I was eating some cheese and crackers so one of my overhead interior lights was on so they could see me, but a lot of cars have dark tinted windows down here so I couldn't see them. I had no way of knowing if they were staring at me, but why else would they have backed all the way over to where I was parked, the only other vehicle in the lot. Just in case, I gave them the finger and said, "Get the f*ck away from me." This didn't deter them and they parked right across from me. When I was getting on the freeway, I noticed a sizable town one exit down from the rest area that had box stores and hotels near the interstate so I headed there instead. A couple of morons parked next to me at the hotel, too, but only because they were trying to blend in with the other vehicles in the parking lot. They didn't know anyone was in the truck they had pulled up beside with their music blaring and car running all night because I was already in bed. When I finally had enough and was about to move, they left. Stuff like this is a little annoying, but to be expected while on the road. I'm at a nice well-lit rest area, now, with bathrooms, vending machines, a parking area for cars and a big parking lot across the picnic area for 18 wheelers so it should be uneventful tonight. I feel so good that I don't want to pinch myself. Tomorrow's a big day -well, for someone who has no family, friends or a social life, that is. I found a lake on the map this evening not far from here so I'm going to check it out in the morning and hopefully park along its shores for the day and get a bunch of stuff done. I can't wait! I know looking forward to something so mundane is pathetic, but I don't care. January 6, 2025, Dickson, Tennessee Ironically, I've been listening to a familiar book, Daniel Boone by Reuben Gold Thwaites published in 1902, while driving through the areas of the country where Daniel Boone grew up, hunted and started a settlement. When I was a boy, he was a big hero of mine. This is probably true for a lot of kids who loved running around in the woods. Yesterday as the snow was coming down heavily, I turned off a secondary highway onto an even smaller road to avoid a bottleneck of hesitant drivers making their way up a steep hill and realized that I was driving along the Kentucky River through a part of the state that in the 1700's was known as Boonesburough. This was literally a town that he had started. The snow was much deeper on this road, but it was more peaceful. I was in no hurry and it gave me an excuse to use the four-wheel-drive. I stopped in a small state park, Fort Boonesborough State Park, to have something to eat and enjoy the winter wonderland. How could his life be relevant, today? It most definitely is. He lived during a time that resulted in how we are living, right now. When the United States was first becoming a country, immigrants came here for many reasons. As much as people, including myself, would like to think of the U.S. as the land of opportunity, it was other things as well. Yes, poor people came here for a chance to rely on their ability to work hard in order to create a better life for themselves and people who had a little money saved, also, came here for the same reason, but rich people came here to get even richer by taking advantage of the work that these other people did. Of course, there is another giant issue that I haven't addressed yet which I will in a moment. As I drove through this part of the country through a lot of poor towns, I had to ask myself, "How do people make a living here?" I've lived in plenty of rural towns in my life which I suppose could be considered poor, as well, and the same question applies, but the real question is if we look at this land of opportunity as the land of the opportunist "What idea have we, the people, been sold?" The settlers that created the towns that I was driving through were preceded by the hunters and traders that lived off the land, land that was already inhabited by another people, Native Americans, before these new people arrived. The hunters and woodsman lived very much like the "Indians" and when there were only a few of them the Native Americans tolerated these intruders to some degree, but as more and more arrived and the settlers soon followed there was simply not enough land and not enough game for everyone. This was 300 years ago. How in the world could I, or anyone, expect to make a good life for myself here, now? What idea have I been sold? If people came here because they believed that land was free to anyone willing to work hard enough to live off it, what do people believe, now? What is real and what are just ideas? It's 6:30pm and I'm in Murfreesboro, TN. According to my atlas, there's a rest area on the other side of Nashville where I'll head tonight. Wherever I look cars are going in every direction, some stuck in traffic going very slowly, others speeding off in the opposite direction, many more zipping around in the parking lots of the shopping plazas I'm surrounded by. What are all these people living off of? There are so many cars and I'm not even in a city. This is just a medium-sized town. Cars everywhere I look. I still haven't gotten a chance to regroup. The lake turned out to be surrounded by a lot of privately owned land and though I did find a quiet place to park for a little while at a marina that was closed for the season, there were "Parking for Members Only" signs all around me, not to mention it was bone-chilling cold and windy so I kept moving. January 9, 2025, Paragould, Arkansas I don't know how much snow New England has gotten, but I've seemed to have hit every snow storm from Arkansas to Massachusetts in the past week. I don't mind it actually. It's sort of fun. The honeymoon is definitely over, but this is to be expected. It's not human to go 9 days without any social interaction. Well, I did spend about an hour sitting in the front seat of a police cruiser, yesterday. Technically, that was social. I didn't notice at first, but he had a police dog in the back seat which I really wanted to play with. Obviously, that wouldn't have been a good idea. I was just excited to see a dog. It was very quiet and well-behaved. On second thought, if he keeps the k-9 in the back seat, where does he put the criminals? Does he just throw them in the back with the big German shepherd and let them fend for themselves? Probably not. I guess he calls another officer. I wasn't a criminal. I had asked the policeman for help. It only took 5 hours of freezing my butt off to finally consider this. It was the first dry sunny day I'd encountered since I left so I pulled over in a truck parking area along the freeway near Lexington, TN, to organize my things in the back a little better. I had been looking forward to this since I left, but the weather hadn't really cooperated. It was still fairly cold (in the 20's) so luckily I was dressed warm. I was in the bed of the truck sitting on one of my tool bins organizing my ratchet straps in a different bin when I hopped down to grab something from inside the truck and the doors were locked. I hadn't locked them. During the past few minutes I had been constantly jumping back and forth grabbing one thing or another from inside the truck and putting it in its proper place in the back. I don't know what type of dumb anti-theft feature kicked in, but the truck decided to lock the doors on me. The key was in the ignition, but not all the way in. I always pull it out a little so I don't have to listen to the beeping when you open the door. No big deal. I just reached under the back bumper to grab my spare key, but it wasn't there. I lied on the ground and looked everywhere thinking maybe I hit a bump and the magnet slid down to a different location. It was no where to be found. Before I left on this trip, I even checked to make sure that it was still under the bumper. Standing there in disbelief, I was locked out of my truck on the side of the freeway miles from a town in either direction. My phone was in the truck, too. I wasn't thrilled, but I like a challenge and was determined to get the doors unlocked. I had plenty of tools to work with. The coat hanger trick didn't work because the actual door locks are smooth so there's no edge to hook onto. The upper door frames are surprisingly flexible so it's not too difficult to get something bigger than a coat-hanger wedged between the door and the roof of the truck. I unscrewed the antenna (it's a lot stiffer than a coat-hanger), but the ball on the end was too smooth to pressed down on the unlock button. It kept slipping off so I broke out my 4 foot framing square, put a slight bend in it and fed that in between the door and the truck. I must have pressed the button a dozen times, first on the passenger side door and then on the driver's side, but it wouldn't work. If I pressed the button that locks the doors, it worked, but the unlock button wouldn't. Another dumb anti-theft feature. By now, any embarrassment I had about locking myself out of my own truck was gone. 18 wheelers were coming and going all day, parking all around me. Not one person asked if I needed any help as I stood on a lawn chair with tools on the roof of the truck and me pressed against the window trying to get the button to work. They've got us trained pretty well to ignore each other. This is not a good sign for a society. I'm sure it doesn't help that you can't pull up to an intersection or stop at a gas station these days in any sizable town without someone hitting you up for money. After a few hours even as warmly dressed as I was, my body temperature gradually lowered and I began to shiver. Next, I cut a couple notches out of a metal ruler with my tin snips and made a "slim jim", a thin piece of metal to slide in between the glass of the window and the weatherstripping. I didn't know exactly what I was trying to hook onto inside the door, but the metal ruler was pretty much identical to one of those tools so I was hoping I'd get lucky. Nope. Loneliness was beginning to wear me down. I was having a hard time with the idea of asking one of the truck drivers for help. What could they do that I hadn't already tried? I don't have AAA anymore. I stop paying for it after I called them three times one night a couple years ago with a dead battery and each time they said that they were sending someone, but no one ever showed so I ended up having to hitch-hike. I thought about asking someone to call the police for me. Maybe a police officer knew how a slim jim worked. I noticed a car parked way down the far end of the parking area. The windows were tinted, but it looked like a fairly nice car. For some reason asking someone in a car seemed more approachable. I don't know why. I'm a truck driver for cripes sake. I was trapped. Dumb thoughts ran threw my head like "Is this what your life has amounted to? Being stranded and alone at a truck turn out on the freeway?" If I had my phone, there was no one to call. I probably would have just used it to google how to unlock a truck door on a GMC Sierra without the keys, still refusing to ask for help. I know I have issues, but it's not exactly easy to ponder life lessons when you're stranded on the side of the road, freezing and the sun will be going down soon. Then I saw the blue lights of a police car down the freeway and started walking. He had pulled someone over so I stopped before I got too close and waited for them to finish. When the vehicle pulled away, I quickly walked towards the police cruiser which hadn't moved yet praying he wasn't going to take off pretending not to see me. I was walking towards him from the front so that would have been difficult. When he saw me, he opened his door and asked if I was ok. "I'm kinda stuck. I'm parked down there at the turnout and the auto-locks on my truck have locked me out." He told me to walk back and he'd meet me there. He was a nice guy and when he found out how long I'd been there even apologized for not driving through the truck parking area earlier because he'd been up and down the freeway a few times over the course of the day. We tried all the same things I'd already done, but I knew this was necessary in order for him to be convinced as I was that getting in the truck was somewhat hopeless. He had a long flat piece of metal, but we both agreed that the framing square was more rigid and better for pushing down hard enough on the button and by then I was pretty good at getting it in between the window and the truck. On his suggestion, I even managed to wedge it behind the door handle enough to pry the handle open, but this won't open the door if it's locked (which I already knew). Eventually, he was convinced, too, and called a locksmith. A kid came and stuck a little device in the key hole like you see in the movies and opened it in less than a minute. Cost me 70 bucks, but it was better than breaking a window which I had seriously considered many times throughout the ordeal. I'll have to order some spare keys and figure out how to get them shipped to me somehow. They're 10 bucks online and 100 at a dealership. I don't like having only one key. I'll stick the next hide-a-key in a location where it can't bounce off. I, also, researched how to get into my truck without the key in case this ever happened again, but none of them solved the issue of the unlock button not responding. It works fine, now, but I did read about how one guy who was on a hunting trip in the middle of the wilderness with some buddies when the auto-locks locked them out used the antenna like I tried, but then cut off the little round ball at the end, bent the end a little and then jammed it between the door lock and the door cover. Wedging it in there creates enough pressure against the antenna that when you pull up to remove it, the lock comes with it. I think the hook helped, too. Then I looked at how much one of those gadgets the kid used cost. It's a little unnerving to know that it's that easy to unlock someone's car door with a 40 dollar tool. I suppose you still have to disengage the alarm which isn't as easy without the key. I've tried to learn more than the obvious from the experience, but I haven't yet. I was actually heading east, not west, when it happened. It's been bothering me that I haven't reached out to mr.Model seeing as I'm passing through this part of the country, but I've been apprehensive. Nevertheless, I decided that I'd offer to do a couple projects for him (for free) before heading to MO, but even this made me anxious. That's why I pulled over at the truck parking area to clear my head and get super organized before I got there. I would think waiting until I got to a friend's property would be a good place to regroup, but that's not how it felt. I guess this told me something. After I spent the entire day on the side of the road, I decided to postpone the idea. I can't be in a place of need when I interact with certain people. I have to be in a place of giving. This is why I never succeeded in contacting missButterfly before I left. I even called her, but no one answered. It was in the middle of the day and the machine picked up. It's an actual machine, not voicemail, but I didn't leave a message. Then I wrote a nice email, but didn't send it. I came very close, but I think this was the right decision for now. Until I'm consistently doing better, I need to put basic priorities like food, water, shelter and people to share my life with ahead of everything else. Sounds good in theory, but actually doing this is a different story. After a while as I'm spending money, but not making any, an eagerness to start working, again, begins to set in. I have to be careful though because this is a familiar pattern. When things deteriorate down to basic survival getting a job is all I can think about, but then after a few paychecks, the urgency subsides and I start to see everything that's wrong with our system and the world and want to take off all over, again. What am I going to do then? That's the purpose of this trip. We got hit with a bunch more snow, today, but yesterday was nice and sunny and I finished organizing the truck and even did a little work to it at another quiet (much cleaner) truck parking area outside of Hayti, MO. January 11, 2025, Lake Frierson State Park, Arkansas It's a quiet Saturday. The sun is out and I'm parked by a lake in a state park outside of Jonesboro, AR. It seems I'm the only one here, other than the old guy on the tractor who was "plowing" the parking lot by the pier and picnic area as I pulled in. I gave him a wave, but no wave back. Oh well. There's still plenty of snow on the ground, but it's a warm 34 degrees. I went for a little hike through the woods when I got here following a few sets of paw prints in the snow on a trail. They weren't any human footprints accompanying them so I wondered if they were coyotes or stray dogs. I just gave myself a haircut and a quick wash in the truck. Keeping my hair buzzed short while on the road makes it easier to stay clean-cut and presentable. I have a meeting at a farm community who are looking for new members on Tuesday in southern Missouri, a few hours from here, which I'm looking forward to. Unfortunately, even if the meeting goes well, I wouldn't be able to join until March so there's nothing to get too excited about. You have to start as a visitor for three weeks, first, and they don't allow visitors in the winter. I'm on my own for a couple more months regardless. One of their members responded to a post I wrote on a permaculture website this summer and since then I've heard mixed opinions of the place, but he's kept in touch and I knew I would be passing through this general area so it seemed dumb not to at least stop by and see for myself. I'd be his guest which is different from a normal visitor and this is why I'm allowed to come at this time of year. As I departed from New England, the plan I came up with is to head to New Mexico, pick a town I like, find a job then start looking for communities in that area with the caveat that if I drive through a region that I really like before I get there I can always change my plan. I can, also, see myself living further north in the colder states like Montana or Wyoming, but arriving up there in the winter would make things harder than they need to be. I've said it a hundred times, "You can always change your plan, but you can't change a plan until you make one so make it." It seems the further west I travel the less ego people carry. I'm sure more space and lower populations has a lot to do with this. I knew that once I got west of the Mississippi there would be a noticeable difference in people's everyday demeanor and this has turned out to be true. I could live here if I had to. People are just friendlier in small country towns. It's a little sad that all I need in order to return to my happy dumb self is to have permission to be somewhere. I'm legally allowed, like anyone, to park by this lake so, now, I'm getting stuff done while occasionally laughing at myself for being a dork. I can work with this state of existence. I can build on it. Yes, I'm surrounded by nature and it's a beautiful day. This definitely helps, but even if the weather was lousy, I'm pretty sure I'd still be very happy to be here. Wait a second, don't we all have permission to exist on this planet? Hmm. Later this afternoon, the man who was on the tractor drove over on a side-by-side and parked by the pier. When he began shoveling it off, I hopped out. I usually keep a shovel in the back of my truck in the wintertime, but one of my objectives for this trip was to get away from the snow so I didn't bring one (I still have a little shovel for emergencies). Luckily, I found an extra one in the back of the side-by-side so I grabbed it and began helping him. After we were done, we had a long friendly talk about the state of the country, he thanked me for the help and we said "Take care." January 13, 2025, Bull Shoals State Park, Arkansas Another beautiful sunny day by a lake. I even considered jumping in this one, but I wimped out and took a vagabond shower in the truck instead. All cleaned up for my visit, tomorrow. I'll have to drive back into Mountain Home, AR, for the night and park near a hotel. It's a decent sized town so there's a few to choose from. #mlr I'd like to stay right here. It's so quiet and peaceful. This is a big place with lots of camping spots, a marina with a large dock for house boats, beach, countless picnic areas, etc. There's even a few rv's parked up above in the campground area. I checked the website and it's 25 bucks for a tent site which isn't too bad, I guess, especially if I had someone with me, but alone I can't really justify it, right now. My money's got to last until I make it someplace and find a job. I was planning on doing a few errands in town anyways. Just appreciating the stillness and the sunshine for a little while longer. January 16, 2025, Sallisaw, Oklahoma It's weird. I woke up calm and peaceful, this morning. Escaping the situation I was trapped in and beginning this trip was something that had to happen, but after an enjoyable week of not waking up falling into the grand canyon every morning, this feeling came back in full force and had been getting worse by the day, but this morning it was gone. I can't say for sure why this happened, but I'm starting to suspect that it has something to do with being free. Free of what? When the tough mornings came back about a week ago, I started to wonder if it had anything to do with me deciding to visit my friend, who I am very different from, in Tennessee as I was approaching that part of the state where he bought property. I was relieved when I decided not to enlist myself into something that might bring me down and kept heading west. Then when I decided to visit the people in MO, which went awful, the bad mornings were back. I left there first thing yesterday and decided to call it an early evening and park in this nice welcome center in Oklahoma for the night and get some sleep because I hadn't gotten much the previous night at the community. I'm not even going to bother explaining how bad that visit was, right now. Wasting my valuable energy on negative people isn't worth it. At least, I can check it off the list. The same factors may apply to why I chose to leave the property back in Montague on Christmas. One of the reasons my relationship with my "land lady" has never been anything, but polite and cordial is because her German shepherd is a complete menace so I've had to be careful what I say. It terrorizes the entire road that we live on. People are afraid to walk past her house because the dog which is never on a leash will come bombing out of nowhere barking aggressively as it runs directly at them. It does this to the horses at the minimum of 3 times a day, everyday. The first time you witnessed this, you would think it was going to attack the horses. Horses are prey. They are animals of flight. They run away to keep safe, but these horses can't run away. Dogs, which are domesticated wolves, are predators. Allowing a predator to harass prey 3 or 4 times a day is appalling, in my opinion. This is why herding dogs, like border collies and Australian shepherds, are silent. Their job is to direct the livestock where to go calmly, not terrorize them. German shepherds are not shepherds. They are often guard and police dogs. They can make great family pets too, but like any dog from pitbulls to poodles they still need to be trained properly. I remember one day last summer, a guy was jogging down the road with his dog, a medium-sized one, not quite as big as missLuna's German shepherd. The guy had no idea what was about to happen. He probably doesn't live on the road. As he passed missLuna's house, her German shepherd jumped off the porch (she's never tied up) and hurdled herself at the man and his dog. The guy lifted his leg to fend off the attack and yelled while pulling his dog closer to him. MissLuna yelled, too, and called her dog back to the porch which it eventually obeyed. This type of thing happens all the time and missLuna actually couldn't believe how the guy acted as if defending himself and his dog was uncalled for saying something to herself like, "What's his problem?" I heard her say it, but I was standing far enough away from her that I knew she wasn't asking me. This was the first time I'd witnessed this common occurence up close. It all happened in a matter of seconds, but I wasn't close enough to get involved. If I was, I would've grabbed missLuna's dog by the scruff of the neck (she doesn't wear a collar) and yanked her away. I'm sure this wouldn't have gone over too well with missLuna. Her German shepherd barks at me everyday, but I love big dogs so when it eventually gets to me, I kneel down and she licks my face. Not everyone has a lot of experience with dogs. On the otherhand, if I was just walking down the road having never been there before and she charged me, she might get a boot in the head. Before she adopted the German shepherd, it had killed its previous owner's other dog. I think they only had it one day, she broke out of her crate, broke into the other dog's crate and killed it. They got rid of the German shepherd the next day. It was going to be euthanized before missLuna adopted it. I think she likes to think of herself as some kind of whisperer, a saver of animals. The dog is a complete psychopath. It attacked another neighbor's dog last Christmas and missLuna went full Jerry Springer on the woman who was walking it because the woman let the little dog get away from her and it ran into missLuna's yard. F-bomb after f-bomb she unloaded on the lady. Apparently, they used to be friends. The other dog had to be taken to the vet. Anyways, I know if I said a word, I'm pretty sure I'd have to leave. I do not like biting my tongue so the situation has been wearing on me for the past year. I've never let my dogs bark incessantly. My last buddy who was a big, powerful animal was very quiet and extremely well-behaved. I think people who live with a little bit of fear think that if they teach their dog to be quiet, it won't bark in the middle of the night if there was an intruder. This is not the case. Dogs will always bark when they're supposed to. They just don't need to bark all day long. This is a sign of undisciplined behavior, boredom or unhappiness. Any rancher knows that cattle lose weight and are more prone to sickness when predators are around because they live in a constant state of anxiety. Those poor horses are not happy. I offered to do stuff with them many times when I first got to the property, but she never took me up on it other than to feed them and clean the stalls and paddock when she went away. She thinks that she spoils them, but they're trapped there like I was. Once I'm ready to get my tiny house out of there, unfortunately, missLuna is going to hear my opinion on the matter, but under those circumstances I'll be able to deliver the information calmly in a positive way. Until then, I have to choose my battles, like we all do, which can gradually chip away at a person's spirit if we eventually don't do something about them. I'm trying to protect my spirit with how I live. It feels great to be in Oklahoma. I've been taking this trip slow. I've driven from LA to Boston in two days before. I'm two weeks in and barely halfway across the country. Staying off the freeway was a great idea, but I, also, can't drag my feet too much because I need to get settled eventually and start working. Knowing myself, I have to be careful not to keep looking to the horizon wondering if that perfect location exists. I have to find a balance between taking advantage of this fortunate opportunity and being realistic which I'm not always good at. I've already poked around online this morning looking at what types of jobs are around here and there's a couple I could apply for. I'm just afraid that if I grabbed one of them after survival is no longer a concern, I'll want to be closer to the mountains further west. It's warm and sunny, right now, so I'm soaking it in. Another thing that has been helpful to remember is that countless times I've arrived someplace where I've never been before and within a short period of time have created a life for myself there. I'm very good at this. I love meeting new people. The crucial reason for this ability is because I've chosen to be in these places and was excited about it. This hasn't been the case since I left Alaska where I had a job and a place to park my stealth camper within a day of arriving in Kenai. I forgot these things after being stuck where I've been for so long. We'll see what tomorrow brings. January 16, 2025, Erick, Oklahoma There aren't many rest areas in the whole state so I just kept driving. Had to make a loop and park on the eastbound side of the interstate to find one. Another calm and peaceful morning. January 17, 2025, Roswell, New Mexico Got some groceries in Clovis which is the location of some of the oldest human made tools ever found in the U.S. like arrow heads dating back 13,000 years ago so I was looking forward to getting there and maybe learning some history, but it was dark when I arrived and a busy, bumping, little city on a Friday night so I decided to keep rolling. Hotel parking lot. January 18, 2025, San Antonio, New Mexico Checked out Capitan, Alamogordo, then over to Silver City, today. Thought about winding my way north along the western border of the state, but decided to change my route. With all the traveling I've done over the years, I know what to look for regarding a sizable enough town to find work, but I'm, also, looking for enough nearby wilderness and mountains to get lost in. Rolled through the breathtaking Gila National Forest on my way back to the interstate. The tiny town of Hillsboro, NM is my favorite so far. I hope and pray that I can find a place like that where I end up, a small cluster of adobe houses along a meandering river nestled in a little valley at the foothills of the mountains. Heading north. January 19, 2025, Bosque Del Apache National Wildlife Reserve, New Mexico The man who cleans the Fort Craig Rest Area on I-24 North does a great job. I was the only vehicle in the parking lot when I got settled in, last night, and it was nice and clean. There were plenty of 18 wheelers parked on the other side across the picnic area for big trucks, but I was the only vehicle on the side for cars. By the middle of the night, the place was packed. There were even 18 wheelers on the car side because there was no room in the truck parking area which happens a lot late at night on commonly used interstates. When I woke up this morning half the vehicles were gone, but the place was an absolute mess. It looked like someone had opened up a garbage bag full of trash and dumped it everywhere. I was still in my sleeping bag and only sat up for a second to assess my surroundings. When I decided to start getting organized a few minutes later and happened to look out my truck window, the parking lot was all clean, again, with a neatly tied, full trash bag leaning against one of the square metal trash receptacles located along the sidewalk in front of the parking area. The man was still sorting one of the last trash receptacles down the far end taking out the cans and bottles (maybe he recycles them for 5 cents each) before grabbing his mop bucket and moving on to the restrooms. He's a rock star. "The meek shall inherit the earth." I'm a little further north, right now, parked in the Bosque Del Apache National Wildlife Reserve which is a fancy way of saying "the desert". I hopped off the interstate at the next exit, this morning, and took a bumpy dirt road to this quiet little parking area overlooking the plains. I can look for miles in every direction and see nothing except a few scattered mountain ranges in the distance. This is a good place to write and take a break for a few minutes. Four good mornings in a row and counting. I've got my work cut out for me starting from scratch in a new place, again, so I can't rest on my laurels. As I was driving through Las Cruces, yesterday, I looked to my left and could see the small frontage road that runs along the expressway and remembered walking along it with my dog, years ago. We started in San Diego, CA. Well, I started. He rode most of the way. He was nearing the end of his life at 14 years old so he couldn't cover the amount of miles that I could in a day, 30+, so we had a jogging stroller with us that he rode in most of the time. Yes, I know. #mlr It was a stroller for two children to sit side by side which was plenty comfortable for an 80lb black Labrador curled up under a blanket. He was our family dog. He and I had grown up together, but my parents were going to have him put to sleep when the vet told us that he had cancer so I took him and he lived for another 2 years with me traveling around the country. He'd hop out of the stroller occasionally to poke around. I think he had a good time, spoiled little bugger. I was raising money for a number of charities on that trip. In the last few days, I've done a southern swoop to check off the areas in that part of the state. I know what I'm looking for. Now, I'm heading to the greater Albuquerque area. It's a very big city so I won't get too close. If a person is traveling solo without a safety net, the road is the road no matter what time period it is, but certain aspects are almost too easy these days with the invention of the internet and smartphones. A couple tricks I use to size up an area is to search for Home Depots or Lowe's statewide. This tells me how populated a town is if it can support a lumber yard of this size. Then I did a search for ski resorts (not that I'm a big skier) because this will tell me if they get a lot of snow in the winter. Where there are ski mountains there are usually vast expanses of wilderness. It's been nice to get a break from the New England cold, but I'm not trying to escape the four seasons entirely. Winter weeds out a lot of slackers especially living out in the country. It takes more work to live in colder climates and I like work . I just don't see the point in doing it miserably. Pace and space are what make the difference. Growing up, one of my favorite things to do when I was old enough to take the boat out by myself was to motor out into the ocean, turn the engine off and just drift wherever the current and wind would take me. The expanse of the ocean chills me out. I remembered that same feeling, but didn't make the connection the year I walked across the southwest desert through southern California, Arizona, New Mexico and Texas as clearly as I did, today, but this part of the country contains that same kind of vastness, an ocean of open space. Awareness is like water. It spreads to fill its container. The greater the awareness the greater the container needs to be. Maybe the less people we have in our lives to help contain us, the further our awareness stretches. January 20, 2025, La Joya, New Mexico I pulled off the interstate, this morning, and found another quiet parking area to have some breakfast. It was a cold one last night, down into the teens, but the sun is out, now, and it's warming up fast. It's true what they say regarding the lack of humidity in the dry parts of the world referring to high temperatures or low ones. It's a dry cold here. When there's moisture in the air like back in New England, the cold feels like it penetrates into your bones, but it's in the low 20's, at the moment, and fairly comfortable. Sadly, I just spent quite a while standing outside. I entered the Sevilleta National Waterfowl Reserve when I got off the freeway so there are a lot of hunters here parked along the estuaries branching off from the Rio Grande, but as I kept driving I eventually came to a parking area that wasn't near any bodies of water so it was empty. Something black moving in the tall grass caught my eye. It revealed itself for half a second then it was out of sight, again. I had already parked so I walked over closer. It was a big rottweiler/labrador mix laying in the grass on its side. She would raise her head trying to get up, but couldn't get her body to move then she'd lay back down. She must have gotten hit by a car. I've seen quite a few stray dogs along the roads since entering this part of the country. It probably happened last night. Highway 60 was a few hundred yards back down the dirt road which only leads to the parking area so she must have dragged herself a long way before not being able to go any further. Her back was probably broken. She was covered with desert dust and her eyes had a blank stare about them almost like she was blind. She was in rough shape. I ran and grabbed a bowl and a jug of spring water out of the truck to see if she would drink, but she had a clump of desert grass in her mouth that she was biting down on. Assuring her with a calm voice, I poured a little water along her jaw to, at least, get some moisture in there. Contemplating what to do, I gently placed my hand on her side telling her that she was a good girl. I had my winter gloves on just in case she snapped at me. She was a formidable looking dog with the big block head of a rottie, but she didn't growl when I approached so I sat there trying to comfort her as I assessed whether or not she was going to make it much longer. I could fold down the back seat of the truck and lay her in there, but lifting her up in her condition was going to be very painful for her. The only way to move her was with a blanket or a stretcher and would take two people. After four phone calls to different animal control offices and police departments, no one was willing to drive out to where I was. I figured this kind of thing happens more often than people might think, but I just couldn't leave her there suffering. I finally got through to the sheriff's department and two officers came out in pick-up trucks. I waited for them by the highway and led them back down the dirt road. I thanked them for coming out. They backed one of the trucks down into the grass and lifted her into the bed. One of the officers shook my hand and thanked me for calling and said they were taking her back to town. The harsh reality is that none of us thought she was going to make it. I grabbed the jug and water bowl and walked back to my truck. I wish I could have done more for her. If I had a place to stay, I could have taken her home and tried to ease her pain, but I'm on my own and this isn't a fairy-tale. I sat in my truck with tears running down my face like a bitch. January 21, 2025, Pojoaque, New Mexico I don't know what's going on so I should probably write about it. I'll just make a list (in no particular order) of the last 24hrs and then try to make sense of it all. -Got here (Santa Fe) early yesterday evening. -I was parked in a light snow storm in Moriarty, NM having lunch, yesterday, realizing that it was going to get down into the single digits (or lower) that night. -Regarding the process of checking out different parts of the state, I can be a little ocd when I get into "being thorough" mode which tends to take the enjoyment out of a task, if there's any enjoyment in it to begin with, so out of the blue, yesterday afternoon, I said "Screw it" and took off on a hunch. -Posted on a permaculture website looking for communities in the area, this morning. -Sent an email to an animal sanctuary looking for a farm hand. -Spoke with the owner on the phone late this afternoon and I have an interview, tomorrow. -I fell in love with Santa Fe the moment I got here which is weird because I've been here before and didn't then. -Had a cool conversation with a guy at the Trader Joe's who used to work at the one in Portland, Maine. He gave me a discount on my groceries. -Almost got in a fight with a homeless dude who rolled up on me in Espanola. He threatened me when I wouldn't give him any money so I got out of my truck, but he walked away. -Had a headache as I was trying to fall asleep after deciding to park at the Holiday Inn Express in Los Alamos (7,300ft.) then realized it was probably altitude sickness so I left and drove back down the mountain. It goes away after a day or so, but I wasn't planning on being there that long. -Been wanting to give my truck a bath all day, but every car wash I go to is closed because it's been too cold. -It's been a beautiful sunny day, but never got much warmer than the low 30's. It's a dry cold. Right now, I'm parked in a big empty parking lot near a casino and hotel killing a little time waiting for the rush hour traffic to die down a little. For the size of the city Santa Fe is, the traffic's really not that bad. I drove through yesterday @5 and didn't hit any. I've been in this little town north of the city all day and my interview is south of it so I might as well drive closer, tonight. Maybe I can find a car wash in the morning. January 23, 2025, Durango, Colorado I think my laptop died. I've had it ten years so I got my money's worth. I'll have to type on my tablet, for now, which is a lot more cumbersome until I start working, again, and can buy a new one. The farmhand position I was planning on interviewing for was filled, yesterday morning, before I got there, but the owner of the sanctuary didn't have the courtesy to call me and let me know to save me the trip, 25 miles outside of Santa Fe up a steep, wooded, dirt road in the mountains. Whatever, it gave me the chance to check out part of the surrounding area. After we met, she back pedalled and tried to hire me to build her a new fenced in enclosure on her 150 acres, but I didn't bite. She was dressed in dark forest green from head to toe in full make-up wearing expensive jewelry and her mouth looked weird. She had those funny lips like some old actresses get after one too many trips to the plastic surgeon. I can't work for crazy, rich people. Headed north. Drove through the night. Found myself in Dulce, NM, smack dab in the middle of the one million acre Jicarilla Apache Reservation headquartered there. It's a very small town, but as late as it was there were a lot of cars and trucks parked at the community center, a big fancy new building. There must have been some kind of an event going on and I really wanted to go in and see, but I felt like I'd be intruding. I don't think there are any white people in the whole town and I was just looking for a place to park for the night when I stumbled upon their little community. White people have taken enough from them. I decided to keep driving. Almost plowed into a giant herd of elk that had engulfed Highway 84, but managed to slowly weave my way through them without any bumps. I was so excited when I finally rolled into Pagosa Springs, CO, just before midnight because I thought I finally found a little mountain town that I could call "home." It seemed perfect with the added bonus of a small river winding through the downtown area that had many hot spring pools where people could bathe in year round. It was -5 degrees last night, but this morning, I watched locals, tourists, families with small children wearing bathing suits like they were going to the beach jump in the river despite it being 20 degrees outside by midday. Then MissButterfly called out of the blue. We talked for two and a half hours. It went well. She was hoping we could talk in person so when she found out that I was so far away she was a little saddened by this, but admitted that it was probably safer this way because she couldn't guarantee that she'd behave herself. I said that I was sorry for leaving without saying goodbye, but gave the same reason for doing so. She apologized for a lot of things accompanied by a few tears, but we had a lot of laughs, too. She gave me a hard time for not opening the card which I left in the barn and I gave her a hard time for showing up to where I lived after I asked her not to. I admitted that I worry about her and her children a lot and it still bothers me that I didn't do more for them. I knew she finally got a settlement this summer from the insurance claim regarding her husband's death so that put me at ease a little. The amount wasn't nearly what it should have been, but at least I don't have to worry about her running out of money. I just wish they had a positive male figure in their lives and I know she has a better support system than most people, but I still worry about them. She felt the need to tell me that she told what's his name that he couldn't come stay with her anymore. She shared that she's still not ready for a relationship because her feelings regarding the loss of her life partner are still too strong, but on the other hand it's very hard managing an off the grid household, raising the kids and thinking about the future. She asked if we could keep in touch and I told her we could. After I spent the day walking around, got some groceries, even picked up a small map from the visitor center, reality hit me when I decided to drive beyond the far side of Pagosa Springs which I hadn't seen yet and discovered miles of strip malls and shopping plazas covering an area three times the size of the little mountain town. Big ugly apartment buildings, a super walmart and every other kind of store you can imagine. It was like a completely different place. Do we have to ruin everything? Kept driving. January 23, 2025, Palisade, Colorado Alright kid, what are you going to do? You can't keep driving forever. You still have a chance to make something out of this trip and out of your life. Don't squander it by making the same old mistakes over and over, again. Sitting in my truck in a parking lot in Santa Fe a few days ago, the word "surrender" kept coming to mind. I've heard it many times being applied to people who need to make a change in their lives, but they often don't until they have no choice. Once every bridge is burned, every relationship destroyed, every opportunity squandered, only then do they accept that they can't keep living the way they have been. This is the type of surrender I was thinking about, but I haven't ruined everything, yet. Sometimes I feel like I have, but that's only the loneliness talking. I still have a chance. How do I surrender when I'm still trying? Who or what do I surrender to? After checking out more of the surrounding area, I wasn't really feeling it. Not enough tall trees and wilderness. It was already getting dark when I rolled through the city that first night and the well-lit murals along the freeway, the peacefulness of the lack of traffic and the black silhouette of mountains below an orange sky sucked me in. It was very nice, but not the right fit. I laughed at myself a day later that it was like a guy falling for a woman in a dimly lit bar only to realize once the lights come up that she's not as attractive as he thought she was. I'm sure women can have the same experience about men. I had to let go of the preconception that this was where I was supposed to make a go of it. The result was getting very excited when I drove further north and was greeted by snow covered forests and rocky peaks, not to mention the dark brown sea of elk I waded through. Seeing what happened to Pagosa Springs took a little of the wind out of my sails. Durango was way too big and yuppie-ville so I kept rolling. The drive further north reminded me of arriving in Alaska for the first time, maybe not quite as big and expansive, but absolutely beautiful nonetheless. There were a few funky little tourist towns along the way that I'm sure I'd enjoy visiting for fun, but with nothing other than restaurants, rental properties and tourism companies that's not the type of economy I want to invest in. I didn't see much for a farmer to get his hands dirty with so I kept going. I liked Montrose. It was flat and larger than I preferred, but there were plenty of farms and ranches. Almost applied for a ranch job there. I definitely could've made a go of it in a big country town like that. It would have been a very practical solution and I almost forced myself to do it, but something was holding me back. I want to be excited about wherever I choose so after spending the day checking out the area and wavering about the decision, I got back on the highway headed north. Went to church, this morning. It's definitely been a while, but I needed a break from the road and to get out of my own head. I've had my sights on Wyoming and Montana for cripes sake! This needs to stop. Got up early, gave myself and the truck a quick bath -the car washes in Colorado use warm water, put on some nice clean clothes, then headed to a few tiny towns outside of Grand Junction and picked a church in Molina with the most pick-up trucks in the parking lot. I should have gone to the early "contemporary" service, but I was a little late after checking out a different church in a different town by the time I got there so I decided to visit another town and come back later for the "traditional" service at 11. Bad call. It was all old people, boring hymn music rather than someone rocking the drum kit which was set up to the right of the podium and way too much bible talk. Still a very nice service and I commend the pastor for his enthusiasm. Maybe next Sunday I'll catch the early one...if I'm still here. January 27, 2025, Grand Junction, Colorado It's not looking good. I've hit three meetings in the last 12hrs, two last night then got up at 6 and went to another, this morning. I tried one type of church, figured I'd try the other. I like these better. It's the one place in our entire country where anyone is welcome without judgment. Met some good people, got lots of phone numbers, even got taken out to dinner by a nice older couple. Not one person even introduced themselves at the other church, yesterday morning. I'm not sure what to do, yet. Grand Junction is too big a city for me, but I saw that there were plenty of meetings here, like any city, plenty of places to park at night and the surrounding area is beautiful so I'm regrouping for the moment. When I was driving across Oklahoma 10 days ago, I made the dreaded decision to listen to last year's blog in its entirety seeing as I had to be on the interstate for an extended period of time. I cringed as I listened to how I was doing great during one post then hanging on by a thread the next. Over and over this happened. What a rollercoaster. Granted, sometimes there was a week or more between entries and a lot can happen in a week, but still, not an encouraging depiction. A lot can happen in a day. What defense do I have against this except my own abilities? This isn't enough. One person's abilities aren't enough. When I imagine the little town I've got pictured in my head that I've been looking for, it's a place where everyone knows each other where life's not perfect, but you make the best of it. If I'm making a list of all types of criteria a town may or may not fit into, and I've made plenty of lists, least populated states in the U.S., coldest states in the U.S., sunniest, lists of ic's in certain states, the lists go on, then this approach goes against surrendering. It's a list that reinforces all the big ideas I think I have. I need to surrender all my big ideas. I, also, want to get as far away from the big ideas other people think they have, too. I need peace and quiet. I need humility, not entitlement. I know I need nature, but I can't pick a place with too much beauty. This is why I left the coast. It attracts too many selfish people and mindless consumers. No hot springs or tourist destinations. Just regular folk living a simple country life. Seeing the big horn sheep grazing along the mountain roads, yesterday, was so striking that I thought I was looking at a painting. January 29, 2025, a small town in the Rockies, Colorado I don't know how I got here, but I'm here. I almost feel like crying. It's been a long road. Only took 4,112 miles. Maybe a little more. I didn't think to set my trip meter until after I'd already been driving for a day. I arrived on Monday. Today's Wednesday and the butterflies in my stomach still haven't subsided. I know I've got a lot of work to do so I can't start celebrating. I'm just trying to be thankful. I need to find a job, a place to live and... that's it. I'm not putting anything else on the list. I need to keep things simple. I did laundry, yesterday, which is a task that I usually hate, taking my clothes to a laundromat, but it might have been the most enjoyable experience I've ever had. It was so peaceful. The washers and dryers were tucked into the back room of a small cafe which must be closed for the winter so I had the whole place to myself except for the nice older lady sitting on the porch outside going through all the china cups and dishes she just picked up at the "donation station", a small gazebo type structure across the street where people leave things that other residents might want. I had to walk through the small tables and comfortable chairs of the cafe to get to the laundromat in back. The building itself looked like a saloon out of an old western movie where gunslingers might come for a whiskey before shooting it out in the muddy streets out front. Now, it was just me, the nice older lady and her cat (turned out to be her sister's cat) on the weathered boards of the porch. There were old black and white photos on the walls above the washing machines that captivated a person's imagination representing a time long gone, but a lot of the buildings in town still look the same. Alright dude, don't start waxing nostalgic. You like it here. It's obvious. Get to work, just don't make yourself miserable in the process. February 2, 2025, a small town in the Rockies, Colorado It's so beautiful here. Being on the road was begining to wear on me by the end of my first week in a new place so I looked on the map that the friendly lady at the ranger's station gave me the other day to find a route that would take me out of the developed areas and into some remote state or federal land. Struck out on the south side of town, but lucked out on the north. Peace and quiet and permission to be. The sun is setting and I'm high enough that I can see for miles and miles across the snow capped peaks. All I can do is shake my head in awe. Heard back from one farm operation earlier in the week. They said they could definitely use me, but probably not for another month or so. I figured as much. Winter is a slow time for most farms. Sent out a couple more emails yesterday, but it's the weekend so I probably won't hear back from anyone until the work week begins. I might make up some new flyers with a local phone number on them and post them around town to find some work before spring arrives. It could be a way to meet new people, too. It would be nice to park here for the night rather than head back to town, but as far away as this road is, it's the only one to travel on in these parts so there's always a chance of someone coming along in the middle of the night which would wake me up and keep me sleeping with one eye open. It's hard to get a decent night's rest that way. If there were a turn off that led into the woods where I could park out of sight, I'd stay, but not right here on the side of the road. Plus, I should head back to where I have cell reception anyways so I can search for more farms in the area to check out tomorrow. Sure is peaceful out here though. I don't want to leave. February 3, 2025, a small town in the Rockies, Colorado Got an email first thing this morning in response to one of the jobs I inquired about this weekend so I headed back out of town up the wilderness road to shave and take a vagabond shower then I drove back to town and washed the truck before I replied in case they wanted me to come in for an interview, today, but it's not until Thursday so I've got a few days. All cleaned up and no where to go. "Cleaned up" is a relative term. I'd love to take a shower, a real one. It's been a while. Too long. You can pay for one at truck stops along the interstate which is something I've done on this trip, but I'm too far away from the expressway, now. It was super warm, today, even for this area. It got all the way up to 70 so jumping in the river that winds past the edge of town could be an option if it gets this warm, again. I'd have to break through the snow and ice along the banks, no hot springs here, but it would be doable. With my legs dangling from my tailgate having some chips and salsa parked by the river this afternoon, two friendly women walked by and we exchanged a few neighborly words. I already had sort of a crush on one of them -not in a romantic or sexual way. I get crushes on lots of people. It just means that I think they're cool and want to be friends with them. I saw her earlier this morning when I drove into town to wash the truck. She was riding a bike with a cargo trailer attached to it and she was dressed in work clothes. My kinda girl. She had her hood pulled up so I couldn't see her face, but I could tell by her build that she was healthy and fit. Again, not that kind of crush. As I was sitting in my truck at the river park making a list of all the farms in the area and trying to decide which ones I'd be interested in working for, I recognized the bike and trailer leaning against a picnic table. When it got too warm even with the windows down, I moved outside to the tailgate and that's when she and her friend walked by. She had two big bundles of willow stalks loaded into her bike trailer that she had harvested from along the banks of the river which she was pushing beside her so she and her friend who was carrying a baby could walk and talk. Like an idiot, I didn't introduce myself or ask their names after we had spoken. I'm not much of a player, but I need to work on this if I'm going to meet new people and make new friends. I don't need to be a player, but I do need to learn to put myself out there a little more. One thing I knew to prepare for if I did find the right small town to call "home" was that it would be a little more challenging to find work in a less populated area while remaining inconspicuous parking at night which is another reason why I try to keep myself and the truck clean and presentable. I don't want to look like a destitute slacker who has no place to go. I'm an honest, hard working person who has no place to go. The difference should matter. There are actually three little towns in this general area that would work as my new home all within about 10 miles of each other forming a small triangle. The largest and funkiest, population 1,400, is the one I've been spending the most time in. It has a lot going on for such a small town. I've parked in the next largest town, population 900, a few times, too. I get my groceries over there. It's too expensive in the funky town. The exact same item cost $2 more on average there. It's so elitist the way health food stores do this. Sorry, that's one club I never want to belong to. I believe in buying local and supporting my town's economy, but not when stores jack up the prices that high. This isn't part of the solution. More money is not the solution. Money isn't real. Values are. When real values are more "valuable" than money, that's when positive change is actually taking place. I don't expect adults to understand this. They're too old and have been running on bad programming for too long. The mind is a creature of habit. An older person's brain would probably explode if you told them that money isn't real. The younger generations are the ones who can recognize the problem more easily which is good seeing as their the ones who are going to have to implement an actual value system, not this unsustainable rigged game we've been playing. Speaking of money, I'm looking forward to buying a new laptop. Typing with one finger on this tablet is a little slow. I can afford to get one now, but I'm going to wait until I start working. Lots to write about. February 4, 2025, a small town in the Rockies, Colorado I jumped in. Had to. I couldn't talk about it then not do it. It wasn't super warm, today, maybe high 50's, and I wasn't even planning on it, but I decided to take a walk around town then one thing led to another. It's easy to miss stuff when you're driving and it was still very comfortable out for February so I took a stroll through the downtown area to get to know the place a little better. I looked for more spots to post fliers and maybe I'd find an empty store front to rent for one of my bigger pipe dreams. Leaving my truck parked across from the little overpriced grocery store, I did a big loop and as I was making my way through the north side of town I remembered seeing some type of park or footpath on the outskirts as I've been coming and going so I decided to check it out. I had to cross the bridge that goes over the river to get there so I stopped and looked down into the water. There were big islands of ice and snow in the middle, but the rocky banks were clear along this section and that's when the idea crossed my mind, again. It was narrower and deeper here as the water goes under the roadway which is pretty high above leaving plenty of room for springtime, I'm guessing, when all the snow in the mountains melts and turn this peaceful river into a roaring force of nature. It was a fairly cloudy day, but the sun occasionally threatened to come out and I happened to put on a long sleeve shirt over my t-shirt just before I left so technically I could use one of my shirts as a towel to dry myself off if I decided to take the plunge. Stripped down to my boxers, crouching on a rock, trying to build up the courage while laughing at myself, a chunk of ice floated by my toes as if to say "Don't kid yourself. This is not going to be pleasant." My cousin in Boston swares by cold plunges and has a tank in his basement which he uses all the time. If he can do it, I can do it. I jumped into the waist deep water, took a big breath as my legs were already going numb and under I went. I climbed out and sat down on a big flat rock to drip dry. It was freezing, but not as bad as I expected probably because my body was in shock. Not exactly a shower, but better than nothing. I didn't bother drying off with my t-shirt. My adrenaline was probably keeping me warm. The sun never came back out. The town river park was upstream a ways around a bend so it was pretty quiet where I was and no one could really see me except for the occasional passerby walking over the bridge. There's not much difference between a bathing suit and a pair of boxers so I didn't care. Using my t-shirt to cover myself, I pulled off my wet drawers, pulled on my long johns and jeans, finished getting dressed and took a walk through the woods on the path that I had seen from the road. It was peaceful. I haven't mentioned how many mule deer are around here, but there's a lot. They walk the streets at night grazing in people's small yards downtown. Didn't see any this afternoon, but plenty of sign. It's kind of cool. Some of the bucks have pretty nice racks. I don't know why I'm rambling on about all this, maybe to write about something other than problems. I finished making new fliers, but I don't think I'm going to put them up until after my interview on Thursday in case I like the job. It's not for a farm, but it's farm related. They're an organic soil company that sells in bulk to a lot of farms in the area. Maybe I'll get a decent workout lifting big bags of soil all day. I definitely need it. This might be the skinniest I've ever been. It's a little concerning. I actually put on a fair amount of weight from my last gig back in Maine which felt great, but that was three months ago and I've been on road rations since then while traveling so I've lost it all and then some. I've, also, written up more cover letters to email, or drop off in person, to some of the larger farms in the area that might be able to use someone with my experience, but as eager as I am to start working, again, I'm trying to be patient. They'll be countless jobs available in the spring and summer once the farming season is in full swing, but I still need to head back to New England at some point to get my tiny house and the rest of my tools. Not sure how that's going to play out. One thing at a time. MissLuna said I can leave my trailer there as long as I need to so there's no rush unless I create one. I hate disappointing people so it'll be hard not to take the job on Thursday if they want to hire me, but knowing I have the option of putting up fliers to keep myself somewhat busy until spring is a little reassuring. February 6, 2025, a small town in the Rockies, Colorado I'm sitting here half a mile down the road from where my job interview is trying to kill some time. I've been in this similar situation on more occasions than I can count. Wait, ya know what? I'm getting pretty tired of starting so many of my sentences with "sitting here" I'm sick of sitting around waiting for one thing or another to happen. I should be able to find something useful and productive to do that doesn't cost money. It's winter, but it's not life-threatening cold here during the day. It's been quite nice actually. There's plenty I can be doing if I think outside the box. Life is not a box. Our minds can become trapped into only thinking in certain patterns because of the many artificial circumstances inside "the box", but I know better than this. A big reason for my lack of more creative and resourceful thinking lately is because I've been using my darn phone way too much to research jobs, find addresses and to learn more about this area, but in the process the technology is so engaging that it sucks me into my head rather out into the world around me. I can't be too hard on myself since I'm a one legged table at the moment. Without a job and people to check in with, it's tough to feel grounded after a while. Anyways, I need to work on this. Recognizing it is the first step. I don't think I've ever written about the moment just before a job interview so I guess that's doing something different. I'm always too early for them because I've got nothing better to do. I look forward to the day when I don't have to hide how I live, when people will want to get to know me and might even admire it when they learn how hard I've tried. about an hour later Well, that was very encouraging. There were five of us sitting around a table, the owner, three key people in the company and myself. That was, also, different from most interviews in a refreshing way. Each of them had a copy of my resume in front of them as the owner and some of the others asked questions or made comments regarding any information that caught their attention on my paperwork. Another first. We even had a few laughs. Barring that my background check turns out fine which it will, the owner basically offered me the job with the highest starting pay available with the assurance that this amount will go up sooner than later gauging from all my experience. It's still not a lot of money, but for someone with no debt and the lowest humanly possible overhead, it's a second leg to the table. The thing that's been haunting me is that I lied about something during the interview. One of the tricks I've used over the years in order to open a new bank account or obtain a local p.o.box is I'll get a room at a nearby motel and use the address on the receipt as proof of residence. This has worked pretty well in the past. Out of the four people who participated in the interview, the owner, the production manager, the equipment manager and the office manager, the office manager was the one who asked me where I was living and I reluctantly told her that I was staying at the motel just down the road in walking distance from the soil company. I was afraid to tell them that I've been living out of my truck. I'm sure it would sound crazy to most people. They don't know how disciplined and responsible I am. How could they? I explained how I typically look for a small piece of land to rent where I can park my tiny house or a camper once I know where my job is going to be sharing that it's just one way I save money in order to continue working on farms making so little. In my head, I said to myself that if I have to get a room for one night in order to make what I told her true, I will. The motel is a small place, definitely not fancy, but after I left the interview and looked into how much a room was, it was $120 and I can't justify paying that, not when I'm not working. There's another one a little further away, but they charge the same amount. It may not be a lot to most people and, technically, I can afford it, but that much money will last me more than a week the way I live compared to just one night. That's too wasteful, but lying about it is really bothering me. Of course, if I get the job, I'll tell her the truth the first chance I get, but I'm worried that they'll somehow find out that I lied. The equipment manager said he lives right near the motel. I'm probably over analyzing it, but I hate not being honest. February 9, 2025, along a river in the Rockies, Colorado What a perfect spot. I have to alternate where I park at night so as to not draw attention to myself and I usually try to pick a location that's pointed east so I'll get plenty of sunshine in the morning to heat up the interior of the truck. This works great, but last night I had to park where I'd be in the shade this morning so I was eager to move and rather than just relocate to somewhere else in town I decided to do a little exploring in the surrounding area and found a perfect spot right along the river about 5 miles east of town, a direction I hadn't traveled in yet. The turn off looked super muddy at first glance so a lot of people probably avoid it because they don't want to get stuck, but the nights have been cold enough to keep the ground frozen despite how messy it looks from the main road. Gave myself a haircut, took a vagabond shower then refilled my gallon wash jug in the river. This reminded me of Alaska because usually when you fill up a clear container with water that you've fetched from the outdoors like from a stream or creek there's a slight tint to it, but not in Alaska. I could pull over, grab my big 5 gallon jug and submerge it in a mountain brook and it would be as clear as if I bought it in a store. The water in this one gallon jug is just as clear. There are some hoof prints in the mud along the river that look too wide to be mule deer so maybe there are some big horn sheep in the area which would be cool to see, again. I don't think the tracks are from elk. I haven't seen any in this part of the state. Plus, there'd be a lot more than a few if it were elk. They travel in large numbers. Grabbed a long skinny stick and picked up the trash scattered around the muddy clearing. It was only a few pieces so it wasn't overwhelming like some places and there was a metal fire pit labeled Parks and Rec so I just flipped open the grate and threw it in there. It was all paper and clothes so it'll burn easy. Much better. It's Sunday so, like it or not, I've got to play the waiting game for a couple more days. I heard back from the office manager on Friday. She was just following up to make sure I'd submitted all my info for the background check with the link she had sent me which I already did, but apparently it takes a few days for it to process so I probably won't hear anything until mid-week. I've got my fliers, my farm introduction letters and there's a few other non-farm related jobs in the area that I could most likely land, but the owner of the soil company and the rest of the folks seem like decent people so I'm going to wait before pursuing anything else. It'll be a huge relief if I can start working, again. I've been staying productive with other things in the meantime. Took another walk around town, yesterday, with a little tripod that I usually bring with me on long distance hikes and took some cool pics for a card I promised I'd make MissButterfly seeing as my last one was so lame. I haven't talked to her since that day in Pagosa Springs. I've been reluctant to. I don't want to give her false hope. She's emailed a couple times since then wanting to set up a chance to talk, again, but I don't really see the point. I'm glad we improved things between us and I'll try to be her friend, but I think we're too different for anything more than that. She claims that she agrees with this, but some of the things she says and writes reflect wanting more which is why I'm giving it some time. At least, now, I'm in a better place, and I don't just mean geographically, so I'll be able to handle things differently moving forward. Met a few more people on my walk and bumped into a man who I helped out the other day so we talked for a couple minutes. He had been on a dual sport dirt bike trying to carry a recliner on his shoulder when we met. It usually takes two hands to ride a motorcycle, one for the throttle and the other for the clutch. At first, I thought he was a teenage kid because he was thin, it was a newer bike and I couldn't see his face with his helmet on. I had just left the job interview when I drove past him downtown. He couldn't seem to get going while keeping the big chair balanced on his shoulder so I pulled over, walked across the street and offered to throw it in the back of my truck. I couldn't imagine he was going very far like that. Turned out he was an older gentleman, 60's I'm guessing, but looked very fit and healthy. The rule is "First come, first serve," when people leave stuff out free for the taking so he didn't want to risk the chance of someone else grabbing the chair while he road his motorcycle home, got his truck and drove back to get it. He welcomed the help, we threw it in my truck and I followed him a couple miles to the other side of town. There was a different recliner on the side of the road in the same spot, the next day. He used his truck to swap them out and, now, that one's gone, too. Recycle, reduce, reuse. As cumbersome as typing on this tablet is, I should take advantage of this free time to work on the book and other projects. A pair of mergansers are impressively motoring around in the middle of the river where the current is strongest occasionally diving in search of a meal. The male has black and white contrasting markings while the female has browns and other earth tones with a distinct crest on the back of her head like a punk rock poneytail. I thought they were loons, at first, but I doubted there were any in this part of the country so I had to google it, later, after I left when I turned on my phone. There was no way I was turning it on in such a beautiful location. February 13, 2025, a small town in the Rockies, Colorado Received an email on Monday notifying me that I got the job. I was so psyched and relieved. Took a long deep breath. Later in the day, I got a few more emails from the office manager regarding paperwork and online stuff that I needed to fill out like their time clock app, direct deposit, etc. which was to be expected. However when I opened one of the emails, it included 7 different links requiring me to download over 32 documents. Documents, not pages. I didn't bother counting how many pages this was. I spent the rest of the day Monday and part of Tuesday sorting through it all. I had to take a couple quizzes regarding forklift operation and workplace safety which was no big deal, but all the other paperwork sucked the enthusiasm right out of me. The company's not that big maybe 15 employees which is a good size by my standards, but it would have been nice if someone had given me a heads up about all the documents letting me know which ones to focus on. Not a word. Just deal with it. I started on Wednesday and spent the whole day replacing the wheel cylinders on one of their many forklifts. The cylinder mounting bolts and brake lines are buried behind the wheel housing with only a couple inches to reach your fingers and a wrench back there in 30 degree weather. Good times. Did more mechanical work on Thursday as well as commercial construction installing conduit along the ceiling for overhead lighting in one of their new metal buildings. They have an endless amount of this type of work to do. Endless. I've had jobs like this in the past, but it's not what I was looking for especially for $19/hr. The jobs I've had like this pay twice as much, if not more. This definitely isn't farm work. If I wanted, I could make the most of the situation and suffer through it for a couple months then quit justifying it by how little he's paying me. This would work out great for me. I'd have a few bucks saved by then and could head back east and get the tiny house, but handling it this way didn't feel right so I asked to speak with the owner and we sat down at the end of the day on Thursday. I told him that I couldn't see myself working there long, but if he needed the help I could give him a month or two so he could get ready for spring which is their busiest time of year. He appreciated my honesty and we talked for about an hour. Well, he did most of the talking. I hate disappointing people and don't want to offend anyone, but the place is a mess. Everywhere I looked more messes. I used mostly my own tools rather than rummage around endlessly in the little workshop. He's got a lot of tools, more than me, and I've definitely seen worse. I don't mind working on my own trucks or a piece of farm equipment once in a while, but I'm not looking for a mechanic job at any wage. He told me that he'd never try to make someone stay, but asked me to give it another week so I agreed. One more day then it's the weekend and I can regroup, do laundry, etc. My best thinking got me in the situation I was in earlier this winter, and for a long time before then, so I need to try to do things differently, but within reason. February 14, 2025, a town near the Rockies, Colorado Treated myself to a motel room, tonight. I was planning on getting one at the place a half a mile down the road from where I'm working, but after giving it some thought I decided to drive to a bigger town 20 miles away and pay half the price. I can use the money I saved to put towards a new laptop now that I'm working. I seriously needed a hot shower. Winter is back. It turns out all this nice weather has been unusual even for here. Worked in the snow and rain all day. It's 9:43pm and I can barely keep my eyes open. When I got out of work, I thought I might head out to grab some dinner somewhere after I got all cleaned up seeing as it's Valentine's Day. How am I going to meet someone if I don't put myself out there, but after a long hot shower spending a relaxing evening someplace where I'm allowed to be and taking a break from the road seemed like a better option. I'll get to the point where I don't feel like some lonely outsider with no place to belong eventually. Right now, I get to sleep in a bed and rest. February 23, 2025, the Rockies, Colorado Well, I couldn't have found a more beautiful place to call home. Every time I take a drive to an area where I haven't been, I find more beauty. I'm parked beside a giant snow covered lake with a village of tents sprinkled across it. The people making their way around on the flat white expanse look like little ants from this distance. Some ride atv's or snowmobiles. Others are on foot, adults and children alike, pulling sleds behind them. The real little ones are catching a ride on the sleds. Some are here to ice fish in the sunshine just for the day. Some have been here all weekend weathering the cold nights in their tents. It's 30 degrees, right now, but the sun is so bright that I have to keep the truck window open to prevent from getting too hot. I spent the night here. It got down close to zero, but I was quite comfortable. After checking out the area, I almost drove to a big town about an hour away where it's much warmer (lower elevation), but I couldn't bring myself to leave this beauty. One thing to keep in mind regarding my particular lifestyle is that being surrounded by the natural landscape with permission to be here makes all the difference in the world. The weather conditions become much more manageable, even enjoyable. I'll always miss the ocean. It's in my blood, growing up lobstering, clamming and swimming all summer long, but it's a little scary to confess how much I love it here, too, because then I'll have no excuse when my mind tries to convince me to leave when the loneliness becomes unbearable, yet again. For once, I have to do whatever I can to not let this happen. Right now, I'm trying to decide whether to spend another night at this location. It's late afternoon, but there are still plenty of people down on the lake which tells me that they're allowed to park along it's shores overnight meaning I can stay longer and not be the only vehicle. I should probably plow through a quick recap so the decision will have some context. -Gave the job a week, but had to quit. Hated to. Sat there in my truck Tuesday evening after work absolutely dreading the conversation, but knew it was the right decision and dialed the phone. I've come too far to be unhappy 5 out of 7 days a week. Great bunch of guys though. Wish the circumstances were different. They played hacky-sac every day on their breaks. I got such a kick out of watching them, no pun intended. I suppose I could've joined, but I was on a different crew and never took a break. The owner didn't answer when I called around 5:45 so I left a message. Never heard back from him. Called one of the managers, also, who I worked the most with, had a good talk and wished each other well. It's probably good that I didn't spring for a new laptop. I looked at a bunch, last weekend. Found a couple stores stating they had the one I was looking for, but, of course, when I got there, they didn't have any in stock, but had something similar for 100 bucks more. A lot of stores use this trick, nowadays. No wonder why so many people, including myself, buy online. -Met a few farmers at the monthly winter farmers market downtown that same evening. -Mailed MissButterfly's card. Sent missLuna one, too, thanking her for forwarding my mail (w-2's). -Did my taxes online. Getting a few bucks back. -Sent an email to one of the farmers I met on Tuesday evening. -With a little reluctance, I, also, sent an email to one of the co-founders of a community in the area. I had already messaged them a few weeks ago to introduce myself, but never heard back. I used the online form on their website to do this and you never know how often people check these or if it even worked so this time just to be thorough I emailed one of them directly. I was fine with them not being interested in meeting me. I just wanted to be sure they received my message. I had inadvertently found one of the founder's email addresses on a singles dating forum, of all places, when I was doing some research online for communities in this area and the name of theirs came up. He was trying to get with some woman in Arizona and mentioned the name of the community he "co-founded" which is why it came up in my search. This was after I had already reached out to them. Apparently, he and his wife/partner, the other co-founder, have split up. After having breakfast with him on Saturday morning, it turns out that she gave him the boot. He wrote to the woman in AZ on the forum that he left because he was "snowed out" for the winter. There is no snow on the ground here, right now. We've gotten a little a couple times in the last month, but it melts within a day. Before learning all this when I sent him a polite email apologizing for the intrusion, I explained that I just wanted to confirm that someone had received my first message. Later that day, I got a short rather curt email back stating that he couldn't host me. I wasn't looking for a host. I didn't want to reply reactively so I waited to respond to give it some time. Then later that night, I got another email from him saying he'd be willing to meet me for coffee sometime. Again, I didn't respond. Then first thing the next morning, I got another email saying that he was in town and we could meet up between 8:30 and 10am. Against my better judgment, I said to myself "What the heck. I've got nothing better to do." He was at a restaurant in town having breakfast so I drove over and joined him. He was an older man, 60's, and gave me his quick life story, the impressive parts anyways, or so he thought, and left before I even finished my eggs. The food was good and it's been a while since I've had a hot meal so I didn't really care. Before he bounced, he said he'd like to meet up, again, and maybe I could come out to the property. I guess their not snowed out after all. According to the website, the community has existed for 12 years. Right now, he's building a little cabin for himself to live in. His ex-partner has a new boyfriend and they're living in the house. I doubt I'll follow up with that situation. -Put up my flyers looking for labor work around the three small towns in the area, mostly at hardware stores and lumber yards. After putting up my last one in the furthest town at a motel, hardware and feed store all in one, I just kept driving south over a mountain range seeing as I don't need to be anywhere for a while and here I am. I've got a couple more days before I need to head back. When I first arrived four weeks ago, I was so happy and excited that I wanted to celebrate. I considered going out to eat by myself someplace which I used to do more often, but I've since realized that this doesn't achieve the desired result. I'm not going out because I'm hungry. I have food in the cooler. I'm going out because I want to celebrate and socialize with other people, but you can't force this in a restaurant setting or even a bar. In the past, more often than not, I wouldn't meet anyone new, but spent around 30 to 50 bucks in the process. No thanks. But, there was one place where I was sure to meet some new people so I went to a meeting. It was fun and there was lots of laughter. Meetings are usually pretty small this far from a major city, but I still met lots of people and got phone numbers from the guys. That's how they do it. Men with men. Women with women which is a good policy to have. When a person is in the kind of shape someone is in that forces them to go to their first meeting, they're in no mental state to be starting a romantic relationship. I was still riding high from finding this new little town so I went to a meeting every night that week. I even volunteered to open the church, set up the tables and make the coffee on Tuesday nights which is why I need to head back. I don't even drink coffee or anything else much these days. After the first week, I stopped going to them every night. I think it's an amazing program. If everyone on the planet especially those in first world countries did the 12 Steps, the world would be a much better place. Guaranteed. I've done them. We're, all, addicted to something because we've lost our tribe. For starters, we're energy junkies consuming far more resources than the Earth can ever replenish. My vice is habitually moving from place to place. Nevertheless, I didn't want to seem like a tourist in their recovery. I've got my own problems for sure, but they're not alcohol or drug related. However, out of respect for the meetings, I haven't had a beer since arriving here. Don't really miss it. It was just something to do once in a while to break up the monotony of my barren social existence. The volunteer commitment is only for a month so this Tuesday will be my last. Part of me thinks I should keep going to them. If giving up a beer once in a while will improve the quality of my life by helping me make new friends then I should consider it. I definitely drank too much in high school and college, but it eventually fell by the wayside as a result of the path I've taken. Being sober is much better. You can still feel high from life if you're willing to do the work on yourself, but it's a cleaner realer high, a better one, not from a substance. I just don't want to have to pretend to be something I'm not in order to make friends. February 25, 2025, a small town in the Rockies, Colorado Before the landscape sloped down to the lower elevations, I found a muddy road off the rural highway leading up to the summit of the last little mountain and parked there for the night. The stars were so bright. Took the longer flatter way back through the valley and did a few errands in the larger towns down there before returning to Patagonia. This is what I'm calling this new town. I've seen too many cool places ruined by overdevelopment like the town I grew up in and I don't want to contribute to this by revealing its location. I've already talked to enough locals who have commented on how much it's already changed. I know this is inevitable everywhere, bit I like it just the way it is. It's nice to be parked along the river, again, in another spot a little further down the road. What next? I've been contemplating a few different options. -Stick around and try to pick up some work for the rest of the winter. -Look for a better permanent job and when they hire me include the caviot that I need to head back to get my tiny house at some point this spring or summer. -Head back East, now, and get the tiny house seeing as I know a place exists that I might be able to call home. -Head back East, sell the tiny house, throw my things on a utility trailer, come back with a lot more money and find a permanent job on the right farm or work for myself and build a network by getting more involved in the community. -Head back East, sell the tiny house, throw my things on a utility trailer, come back with a lot more money, disappear into the wilderness and secretly live off the land like a mountain man for the rest of my life. It sounds ludicrous, but I'm completely serious. I've been thinking about it a lot. Well, I've always thought about it a little since getting out a school and taking my first road trip across the country realizing how big and vast this continent is, but lately I've been thinking about it a lot more. The grand canyon is kicking my ass every morning and I'm tired of living like this trapped in the system alone. If I sold the homestead hauler, I could live off the money for a very long time if I was providing myself with food and shelter in a completely natural way. Obviously, living wild would be completely illegal. This is why I write, to get these lame brain ideas out of my head so I can hear how ridiculous they sound. If I decide to keep the tiny house, it would probably be wise to find a spot to park it, now, before I leave so I don't have to look for one when I get back with a 30 foot trailer in tow. On the other hand, not having a spot or anyone expecting me means I'd be completely free during the trip and fate could play a hand. Plenty of options. I get a little anxious about heading back if it's going to require spending a prolonged period of time there which it would if I was going to sell it because I'd want to do a bunch more work to it, first. This might be a very bad idea. I'd probably be fine for a couple days, but then the situation that I just escaped only two months ago would start getting its hooks back in me. It would be a little different, this time, because I'd have an actual destination creating a light at the end of the tunnel, but it would still be very risky. If I'm going to keep the trailer, all I have to do is finish wiring the lights and a couple of other things in order to hook on and hit the road so I think that would be fine. What have I learned, lately? How have I addressed the real problem? Am I even willing to confess what the real problem is? Is it me, loneliness or the system? I can only actually do something about one of these things, me. Before I start beating myself up like I always do, it might be time to look at the bigger picture that we're all living in, especially in this country. I've been hesitant to focus on societal problems in the past because I never wanted to sound like a negative whiny complainer so for years I just gritted my teeth, found work where I could and kept trying to learn from the path I've taken. I'll admit that it wasn't pretty at times and when I go back and read what I wrote about those experiences it's hard to swallow. I still had more to learn. I always will, but with all the joy and happiness I've been experiencing more and more over the past few years, I'm, now, better at distinguishing between which problems are mine and which are being created by the artificial system we're living in which is being manipulated by untrustworthy people. Like I just mentioned, I can only effectively improve my own life, but it's helpful to be aware of what I'm, also, up against. It's a matter of minds. February 28, 2025, a small town in the Rockies, Colorado Found a quick job in response to one of my fliers and worked, yesterday. I may have, also, found a place to park my tiny house and even do a little farming. I dug some foundation footings for a "customer" who seems like a nice guy. It felt great to get up, head to work and not dread it. I'm sure the sunshine and 50 degree weather didn't hurt. He's in his early 60's and has a few acres outside of town where he's building himself a small cabin. He'd, also, like to grow his own food, but doesn't have a lot of farming experience so at the end of the day after he saw what kind of a worker I was, he offered me a spot on his land if I wanted to help him get a little farm going. We, both, acknowledged that we just met and don't know one another very well, yet, so he was just putting it out there. He's got plenty more work for me, but he works for himself in the trades as well so as he has more money to put into his cabin and homestead he'll give me a call and we can keep talking about it. She said I didn't have to before I left, but I sent missLuna $500, this morning, just so I feel good about leaving the tiny house where it is. Heard from mr.Co-founder, again, inviting me to come out to their property, but I told him that I was going to hold off. No one ever responded to my first email and I don't know what kind of standing he's on with his ex-partner. It could be all her land for all I know so I don't want to get in the middle of their drama. I don't even know how many people are living there. It could be just the three of them so I'll give that situation some more time. Drove west out of town for the day and did a little exploring in the desert mesas that form along the river as it continues westward. They call this part of the state "the western slope" as the plains and plateaus stretch out away from the edge of the Rocky Mountains. It's much less populated here compared to the middle of the state where Denver and Boulder are. I was only about 4 miles from town when I turned off the one highway that runs through this area onto a dirt road leading into miles and miles of conservation land. It's not hard to get lost out here, in a good way. I found a quiet beautiful spot up on a bluff overlooking the river as it winds through the canyon below. Geez. After thinking about it for a couple days, I decided that it's a little early to head back east. It's still crazy cold back there so I've been kicking around the idea of checking in with mr.Model, now, that I've got my own plan pointed in the right direction and maybe heading down there for a month to help him out. I'll see how much work comes my way from the fliers. March 6, 2025, a small town in the Rockies, Colorado Got lots more work from the fliers. Heard back from the farmer who I reached out to and we're going to sit down and talk soon. Treated myself to a $35 beer and a burger at a cool place in the smallest town in this three town triangle. It was the only establishment I could find that stayed open past 9pm which didn't really matter because I left at 8. Oh well, I tried. The food was good and the handful of people there seemed nice. I just got restless sitting by myself and didn't feel like drinking anymore to fit in. Ya can't force it. At least, other areas of life are going well. One thing at a time. I'm hoping there's a small group of homesteaders around here somewhere all collaborating to live off the land while keeping day jobs. That's my dream. The idea is still to promote the book using the tiny house trailer as I travel so if I don't make any new friends here maybe I'll meet some on the road. This is a work of fiction. All names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are the product of the author's imagination and are used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.